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LilSarahBreezy
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 Posted: Fri Jun 20, 2008 9:20 pm Post subject: Madrigal |
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I wrote this poem for an English assignment... Don't be afraid of being harsh, I kinda wrote it at the last minute.
Madrigal
Our love
Is like an
A capella piece.
We're
Special
In-tune
Gentle
Beautiful.
But mostly it's
Because
Even though we're different
Notes
We fit together in perfect
Harmony.
Like? Dislike? I'm fully open to criticism, don't be gentle if you don't want to be! |
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LilyReagan
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| Posted: Fri Jun 20, 2008 10:32 pm Post subject: |
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I like it. I t has a certain...flow...I guess. Haven't much else to say....
It was good! Keep it up, girlfriend!
Ha.
~Lily~ |
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Bittersweet
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| Posted: Fri Jun 20, 2008 10:35 pm Post subject: |
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Hello there!
I really liked this poem. It is very frank and cute, maybe a little cheesy (but cheesy can be good). One thing I must say though is that if you put these words in a sentence, ust see how it looks: Our love Is like an A capella. We're Special, In-Tune, Gentle, Beautiful. You see my point? I think you can get rid of most of those capitals so it reads: Our love is like an a capella.
Anyway, lovely for a last minute poem, I think.
Holly |
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GordonRamsayLuver
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| Posted: Fri Jun 20, 2008 11:20 pm Post subject: |
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Hi I am GordonRamsayLuver:) I really like your short poem. Its short sweet and to the point lol.
I really like the rhythm of it. It goes really well. I don't get why Italics?
GordonRamsayLuver:) |
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LilSarahBreezy
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| Posted: Sat Jun 21, 2008 1:46 am Post subject: |
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I just did Italics to make it different *shrug*
And thanks for the tip, Holly! I was a little confused about that.
Thanks for the comments guys  |
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mateeah3
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| Posted: Sat Jun 21, 2008 9:51 pm Post subject: |
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Hey LilSarahBreezy
I like it this piece! Especially the ending. It's very cute, though I agree with Bittersweet that it is a little bit cheesy. Kudos to you, especially since it was last-minute.
Keep it up!
~Mateeah  |
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KaatiieBugg
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| Posted: Sat Jun 21, 2008 10:10 pm Post subject: |
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This was a good poem, short and to the point, I guess.. I liked how you compared it to music. good job!
-Buggs |
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aestar101
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| Posted: Sat Jun 21, 2008 10:35 pm Post subject: |
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| This poem was perfect. I like how you compared love to music. It was very poetic. I don't have anything to criticize. |
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Gahks
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| Posted: Sun Jun 22, 2008 11:33 am Post subject: |
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Hey there!
This was an interesting first piece. As previous reviewers have commented, your comparison of love to music was extremely creative. There are. however a couple of problems which you could easily sort out.
A lot of this poem is telling:
"We're
Special
In-tune
Gentle
Beautiful."
What does being special feel like? What does being in tune actually mean to you? Try:
"Our bodies sing
in-tune
with each other;
I can feel you radiating
a symphony of beauty."
By expanding on the simple adjectival phrases, we can extend the music imagery and even sneak in an appeal to sense. I'm trusting the audience to be able to experience these feelings. Most important of all, I'm not summing up anything for you: I'm SHOWING instead of telling.
Stick to italics unless it is absolutely necessary: it distracts the reader from your actual words. Cutting out the capitals would also help, but that's a personal preference.
This really has potential. With some editing and redrafting, this could be great! A good first attempt, well done.
Gahks
6/10 |
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natalie
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| Posted: Sat Jun 28, 2008 10:18 am Post subject: Re: Madrigal |
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I love the imagery used, the mathaphor inside the poem creates a good flow and an interesting picture.
I like the simple emotion, it is easy to understand and simple to read but if you were to expand this poem maybe it would be better to expand on the seperate words you use some of the stanzas.
Generally its a really great poem! I love the connection between music and love. Keep it up! |
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i think i can
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| Posted: Tue Jul 01, 2008 1:14 pm Post subject: |
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well,it didn't jump out at me as being amazing until the second reading (leave me alone i just woke up *hiss*). Even though it didnt rhyme your choice of words and phrasing still held the reader.like those above me i also found it simple but poetic in nature, making it a very enjoyable,moving read.In those few short lines you forced me to care about these two lovers, well done!
Now i do speculate over the length, but then again it does read better this way.
8/10- good work, hope to read more of your posts soon.
~"I do whatever the hell i want"-Bart Simpson,2003. |
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Rascalover
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| Posted: Wed Jul 02, 2008 5:01 am Post subject: |
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I really like this poem. it has a certain flow about it that has grasped at my attention... umm I don't have much to say but you have done a very good with this!
Keep it up I would love to read some of your other writing! |
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survivorgirl258
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| Posted: Fri Jul 18, 2008 1:26 am Post subject: |
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I love it girl!!
So, are you going to be a madrigal when you get into high school?
Because you so have the talent.
Although Annemarie's brother's won't be in it anymore.
Which is still ok.
How old do you have to be to be one?
You could probably get in it now!
I really loved the poem, though, and can't wait for the next one/ whenever your story comes out!! |
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