Topic ID: 31593
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natalie
Novice
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Age: 14
Joined: 26 Jun 2008
Posts: 8
Reviews: 6
300 Points
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 Posted: Sun Jul 13, 2008 1:12 pm Post subject: |
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I am in love with this poem!
Though the meaning is incredibly sad, the soothing rhythm of the poem makes it feel much easier to read and makes the situation easier to understand. It is so easy to read and the feeling that comes through is really strong.
I'm sorry but there was no critisism in this review. I love the poem.
Natalie |
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gamechanger10
Excuse me while I kiss the sky.
Novelist
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Joined: 24 Jun 2008
Posts: 281
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Country: USA
300 Points
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| Posted: Sun Jul 13, 2008 6:34 pm Post subject: |
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wow. this was very captivating. the flow was there, your wording was perfect.
the whole poem was flawless and beautiful...and...and...wow... |
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wisemann210
Novelist
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247 Points
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| Posted: Sun Jul 13, 2008 7:14 pm Post subject: |
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awh, it's sad, why did the little baby have to die? anyway this is a very good poem and i gave it a gold star, this was absolutly amazing and great supercalifragilisticexpialadociously good job
---Jon---  |
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shower_of_stars
Novice
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Age: 20
Joined: 22 Jul 2008
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Reviews: 3
300 Points
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| Posted: Tue Jul 22, 2008 1:42 am Post subject: |
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I love the rhythm to this piece! And I think the line breaks are ok, but I might vary them up a bit- it's such beautiful language that you don't want the reader to start skimming, especially because there is a bit of repetition.
Overall though, I think it's beautiful. I'm new here, but I'd love to read other stuff you've written.
~~ |
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SweetOctober
Junior Writer
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Age: 16
Joined: 16 Jul 2008
Posts: 17
Reviews: 11
Country: U.S
300 Points
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| Posted: Tue Jul 22, 2008 2:20 am Post subject: |
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I wonder who this is referring to.
When I first read it, the word "sin" popped in my head.
But it sounds more like a man who has a terminal illness or maybe he can't leave bed.
Or the man could be a sick child that's going to die soon.
That's my interpretation of this poem.
Keep writing. I didn't like the breaks too much, but I really think you have potential.
Happy writing. See you later! ^ ^ |
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Seraphair
New Member
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Age: 16
Joined: 24 Jul 2008
Posts: 3
Reviews: 2
300 Points
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| Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 1:54 pm Post subject: |
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This was pretty mind blowing!
Keep it up! |
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Jasmine Hart
Laced With Darkness
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Joined: 03 Jun 2007
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Reviews: 318
Country: Ireland
350 Points
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| Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 2:42 pm Post subject: |
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This is a beautiful, moving poem. The tone is great and it flows well.
My only suggestion is that you add "that" before each of the "he will" s.
Was the layout deliberate? I'd suggest getting rid of the spaces between the lines, as I think it will read a touch more easily without them, and I don't see the need for them.
Hope this helps.
Jas |
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