The first day of our 'relationship' was perfect. Absolutely, incredibly, one hundred percent perfect! We chatted and got to know each other a little better and flirted a bit. Some people congratulated me and others just smiled. I ignored the girls who looked disgusted. They were jealous. That's all it was. Jealousy. Pure, cold-blooded jealousy. Everything had gone great the first day. What could possibly go wrong? Nothing could go wrong. Or so I thought....
We 'hung out' mainly at lunch or during his basketball games. We also had four out of five classes together. Everything except Choir. Of course. What jock wants to sing with a bunch of girlie girls?
The happiest point of our 'relationship' in the first couple of weeks was our first hug. This would be my first actual hug from anyone besides my family and the occasional parents best friend whom you call 'auntie whats her name?' or 'uncle who is this again?'. I still remember it like it was yesterday...
It was like a dream. One of those misty dreams that you can't quite grasp but you know that they're wonderful and you wish you would never have to wake up and face the cold reality of life. His shirt was clean and silky. He had just finished his basketball game. He smelt of something clean that I couldn't place. Perhaps it was shaving cream? I don't know. The sad thing about it was that my head barely reached his shoulder. He's 6 ft even whereas I'm a mere 5 ft. Curse my short parents...
Something that bugged me was the fact that everyone kept asking if we had kissed yet. This action was something I hadn't even thought about. I couldn't care less about exchanging saliva. I was still debating whether or not the hug was appropriate, much less an actual... kiss...
Besides, I decided, I wasn't going to kiss someone just to kiss them. It had to be a very special and meaningful moment. Although, even if he wanted to kiss me, I didn't quite know if I would want to kiss him back. Something about mashing faces together just didn't hit me as 'romantic' or even pleasurable.
----
Two weeks into the whole deal, I found myself lying in bed one night when he began to text me. We had a usual flirty conversation. Me telling him that I was watching sponge bob with my little sister and him sending me a smiley face and calling me a little kid. At the end of the conversation he proceeded to tell me something remarkable about the way he felt. He simply said, "I love you." Naturally, this began a whole new conversation on the probability of him actually 'loving me'.
"Do u rely luv me?"
"Yes"
"Are you sure? That's huge..."
"i mean every word."
"i dont believe it."
"well, believe it."
"wow. idk wat 2 say."
"i luv you, gud nite."
I didn't know what to say. I couldn't tell him I loved him back... I didn't love him. Hard as I tried, I just didn't love him.
Shockingly, he never mentioned the fact that I never told him I loved him back. He was never jealous when I talked to my guy friends. He was never obsessive, never nosy. He always gave me space and time when I needed it but was there when I needed him to be. How could anything be wrong? Apparently... It was easy.
----
Slowly, I started to realize his flaws. I noticed his apparent love to throw paper balls at me during class. His obsession with insults. The joy he found in terrorizing little children. His freedom with foul language.
How could all of this gone unnoticed?
Something had to change.
I ignored most of it for quite some time. I convinced myself that his sweet and gentle side was worth it. It was worth the bad side. Oh, how wrong I was...
