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elephantwalrus
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 Posted: Sat Jun 07, 2008 10:32 pm Post subject: The Pilgrim's Prayer |
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Bonus points for whoever names what literary allusion appears in this piece! 
The Pilgrim's Prayer
If his speech had a name,
It would be Soothing.
Even though I need no healing
His voice wraps me in a surreal embrace,
Though he has never held me so close to his handsome face.
Let me find description for his words:
His diction should be called Moderate
For it does not babble like a giddy stream,
Or roar like a river, or lay like a prosaic pond,
Yet his well of language never runs dry.
I have the task to name his purpose
For capturing me with every sound that leaves his lips;
O, how I long to pray a righteous kiss,
But I must not, for his words are Misleading,
And I must hold firm to my standards.
But soft, he speaks again,
“Oh then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do;
They pray, grant thou, lest faith turn to despair.”
And so I, his saint, forgot all else
As palm to palm was not holy enough a kiss,
So this pilgrim taught me to properly pray. |
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EliteHusky
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| Posted: Sat Jun 07, 2008 11:31 pm Post subject: Reply |
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The "Pilgrim's Prayer" is very mysterious especially with the overall format. I could not fully understand it the first read but being poetry it was quite intriguing throughout.
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| “Oh then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do; |
That sounded very familiar to Shakespeare.
As for the literary allusion I may be wrong with this guess but is it imagery?
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For it does not babble like a giddy stream,
Or roar like a river, or lay like a prosaic pond, |
Giddy streams and roaring rivers are really dynamic and bring images of change and a fast pace to this poem.
Overall it needed some clarification, although prayers in general are filled with mystery, but good work.
Sincerely,
-Elitehusky |
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kris
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| Posted: Sat Jun 07, 2008 11:57 pm Post subject: |
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A genuinely beautiful poem. You certainly have a way with words. I must second that which the post above mentioned.
However - the end is practically taken from Romeo & Juliet, is this an intentional link? if so - very clever. if not -naughty naughty hehehehe
Kudos though, i enjoyed it  |
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C.J. Mustang
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| Posted: Sun Jun 08, 2008 12:18 am Post subject: |
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I liked your poem, though I couldn't quite understand what it was saying at the beginning. It kind of sounds like William Shakespeare at the end. I really liked it! I also have some suggestions:
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If his speech had a name,
It would be Soothing.
Let me find description for his words:
His diction should be called Moderate |
Maybe you could put quotes (not the double, the single, like this: 'a') around soothing and moderate. And I'm not sure what the last sentence means. |
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Palantalid
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| Posted: Sun Jun 08, 2008 11:42 am Post subject: |
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Just to spoil the fun for anybody else who might have guessed it- it's the Pilgrim's Progress (don't bother with the points, really). Unfortunately, I haven't gone and read the thing, so I guess any deeper allusions would miss me or vice versa. I remember that they gave names to everything- and everyone had words for names, rather like Moderate and Soothing....not that I remember. I'm afraid I can't do much for you....
I think the first stanza is a little weak, the second is the best and the rest, well, amused me....even if they have some hidden meaning.
Is the priest trying to learn a new way of praying...the motif being some shortfall in the church or is the priest in some relationship with Christian (that was his name I think). I think you'll have to find someone else.....but it was good work, that much is clear. Oh, and if I'm wrong on the allusion then shame on me. |
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elephantwalrus
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| Posted: Sun Jun 08, 2008 7:58 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks for the critiques, guys! As for the bonus points, kris was correct with the "Romeo and Juliet" allusion. The two lines,
“Oh then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do;
They pray, grant thou, lest faith turn to despair,"
are actually Romeo's lines right before he kisses Juliet for the first time. The prayer and pilgrim images are taken from that scene, as well (Act 1, Scene 5 to be exact ). The prayer symbolises kissing (hand to hand = lips to lips), and the pilgrim is Romeo (a wandering man coming across a pure "saint," who is Juliet). The other three stanzas don't contain many promininant allusions, though; the exception is in the third stanza, when the speaker mentions longing to "pray a righteous kiss."
My original vision of this poem was for it to be a description of what was going through Juliet's mind right before Romeo kissed her. So, if one isn't familiar with Shakespeare, it's hard to understand the allusions I put in. But, with that in mind, does the poem make more sense? |
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Palantalid
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| Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 11:12 am Post subject: |
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| Groan. Wow. That puts a sock in my mouth. I guess it was coming anyway. I've read neither Pilgrim's Progress nor Romeo and Juliet, so heck . I didn't bother to read Shakespeare outside of school, so it's caught up with me. Forgive my tone and stupidity....but I won't edit that post. |
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We rode on the winds of the rising storm
We ran to the sounds of the thunder
We danced among the lightning bolts
And tore the world asunder.
-from the Wheel of Time by Robert Jordan |
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elephantwalrus
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| Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2008 9:33 pm Post subject: |
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Don't worry about it! Pilgrim's Progress was a good guess.
I just use a lot of Shakespeare allusions in my work because all of my English teachers love him. My entire class read Romeo and Juliet last year, so we all are familiar with the lines. I'm working through the rest of his plays now.
Thanks for reading my poem! |
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You have just had the meritorious honor of encountering River L. Dayes. Don't let it get to your head. |
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kris
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| Posted: Tue Aug 26, 2008 2:44 pm Post subject: |
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I knew it was an extract from R&J...Oh yeah! I'm that good. 
Lovles |
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