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LilyReagan
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 Posted: Sun May 25, 2008 2:53 am Post subject: Formerly Heroine |
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I wrote this song to go with the Twilight series' second book, "New Moon".
Gone
I can't believe he's gone
My life cannot go on
My heart is beating on
But I have no desire to
Live
I cannot without him
Inside me is a hole
A body with no soul
My bell has had its toll
[chorus]
Formerly Heroine
I am now villain
a zombie on my feet
No rhythm, no beat
Deep in my memory
Is all that's left of me
I am nothing
Nothing without him
Air
My presence is but air
My friends can't see I'm there
They lost sight of me ages
Ago
Shell
I'm just an empty shell
Why not go to hell?
But Life's the only thing
To connect me to him
[chorus]
My thoughts
Are filled
With him
My soul
is crushed
My cheeks
are flushed
In the effort to hold on
[chorus]
What's keeping me here?
What's holding me back?
It's his light
that kept me on
track
[chorus]
Yeah, that girl was me
But
I'll always be
[chorus]
Nothing, nothing
It's pretty long...but I like it. If you do, I'll make a vid and post it on Youtube with the tune. |
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Sythe
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| Posted: Sun May 25, 2008 3:31 am Post subject: |
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Hey! That was really awesome! I really liked it! I've read New Moon and thought it was the best out of the three.
This song really hits the spot that I felt when Edward left. (Yeah, it's a chick flick, but I gotta know why all the girls are swooning over him, yeah?) I felt really sad and empty. This song is just a tad short of that feeling.
Some of the rhyming was a bit forced. Like this:
| Quote: |
I'm just an empty shell
Why not go to hell? |
This is forced, and I'm quite sure Bella doesn't talk like this, even when she's all depressed.
My Favorite Parts:
| Quote: |
My soul
is crushed
My cheeks
are flushed
In the effort to hold on |
| Quote: |
Formerly Heroine
I am now villain
a zombie on my feet
No rhythm, no beat
Deep in my memory
Is all that's left of me
I am nothing
Nothing without him |
All in all, this was wonderful! I really liked it!
:Sythe: |
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Rebirth
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| Posted: Sun May 25, 2008 3:32 pm Post subject: |
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Hey how's it going?
I like your lyrics. It reminded me of the band, "Red Jumpsuit Apparatus and their song, Cat and Mouse." I especially like these part;
----------------------
Formerly Heroine
I am now villain
a zombie on my feet
No rhythm, no beat
Deep in my memory
Is all that's left of me
I am nothing
Nothing without him
----------------------
It may look a bit strange to someone who is not used to only reading lyrics without hearing it or playing it but I think it's cool. By the way, do you have the chords/tabs for these? I would love to play it. Anyway, good day! |
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LilyReagan
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| Posted: Sun May 25, 2008 5:41 pm Post subject: Thanks!! |
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Hey, Sythe and Rebirth!!! I wanted to thank you for your reviews! They really helped me!!! So, Sythe, about that part
"Shell
I'm just an empty shell
Why not go to hell?"
I know the rhyming really sucks, but I wrote that to connect to Edward and Carlisle and Bella's views of life after...uh...vampirism... and how Edward thinks, if there is heaven/hell after being a vampire, that he would go to hell. And au contraire Bella thinks that if Edward is with her that she must be in heaven.
But anyway, I'm SOOO glad you loved it!!!!!!! Yay! I did something right!
Thanks!! |
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"Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings."
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Nulla dies sine linea. --Not a day without a line |
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Sythe
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| Posted: Sun May 25, 2008 5:57 pm Post subject: |
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So, Sythe, about that part
"Shell
I'm just an empty shell
Why not go to hell?"
I know the rhyming really sucks, but I wrote that to connect to Edward and Carlisle and Bella's views of life after...uh...vampirism... and how Edward thinks, if there is heaven/hell after being a vampire, that he would go to hell. And au contraire Bella thinks that if Edward is with her that she must be in heaven. |
Yeah, I gotta admit the rhyming was a little... ick right there, but it can be fixed. I get your idea of where you got it from though.
All in all, it was a great poem.
10/10 |
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mateeah3
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| Posted: Tue May 27, 2008 2:19 am Post subject: |
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Ooooh best books ever. 
I really liked this poem. It fits really well with the story, and my only critism is when you said "Ago" as one line, it kind of distrupted the flow in my opinion. But that's it.
Aaaah, I love the Twilight series. Can you give me the link of the video on youtube you posted?
Good job!
~Mateeah |
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Sapphire
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| Posted: Tue May 27, 2008 4:13 pm Post subject: |
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I actually really like the 'Why not go to Hell?' verse, because of the reference to what is quite a philosophical question in the books. 'They lost sight of me ages/Ago' is also a good line but I agree that I don't think 'Ago' needs its own line.
I like the last four sections between the choruses. Don't want to confuse the melodies anyone else might be hearing so look away quickly if you don't want to know this next thought - at this section: 'What's keeping me here?/What's holding me back?', I can only hear the tune of 'Dare You To Move' - Switchfoot. |
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