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This thread was created on May 24, 2008
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Topic ID: 30637
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black star of darkness
Junior Writer
Gender: 
Age: 14
Joined: 31 Mar 2008
Posts: 29
Reviews: 10
Country: UK
300 Points
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 Posted: Sat May 24, 2008 7:30 pm Post subject: All Lies |
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(Chorus)
Lies, all lies,
Everything in this world
Is a lie.
Lies, all lies,
From the day that we are born
'Till the day that we die,
Verse 1
You can paint it black,
And you can paint it white
You can paint it in,
Whatever colour you like.
But it's still a lie,
And you/are lie-ing to me.
Lies on lies on lies (etc. repeated)
Life/ it is a lie.
Verse 2
Because I/ am not worthy
Of the truth/ am I?
Because I/cannot handle
The truth- right?
Verse 3
Because I/ am not worthy,
I can't handle/ the truth
Because I/ like being lied to...
Yeah Right!
(Chorus)
(Verse 3)
Verse 4
Okay, you say,
You'll tell me the truth
But guess what? I
Don't wanna hear it,
Please don't do it/again
Please don't do it/again
Please don't do it/again
Please don't tell me the truth again
Please don't tell me the truth again
Please don't tell me the truth again
'Cos I can't
handle the truth again
'Cos I can't
handle the truth again
'Cos I can't
handle the truth again
'Cos I can't 'cos I can't 'cos I cant 'cos I cant;
Handle/the/truth
Again. |
_________________
"My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre and that I am therefore excused from saving universes." |
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Demeter
Five stars!
Speaker of the Forum
Gender: 
Age: 15
Joined: 02 May 2008
Posts: 744
Reviews: 253
Country: Finland
300 Points
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| Posted: Mon Jun 02, 2008 10:13 am Post subject: |
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Hi! I noticed there weren't any crits yet so I decided to give it a try.
| Quote: |
Lies, all lies,
Everything in this world
Is a lie. |
I didn't feel this was powerful enough to be the opening part.
| Quote: |
You can paint it black,
And you can paint it white
You can paint it in,
Whatever colour you like. |
I liked this. But unfortunately the length of the last line kind of breaks the nice flow of the verse.
| Quote: |
| And you/are lie-ing to me. |
OK. What?? What's with the slash? And just to let you know, it's "lying".
| Quote: |
Because I/ am not worthy
Of the truth/ am I?
Because I/cannot handle
The truth- right? |
The slashes disturbed me so much I couldn't focus on the words. Again, the last line breaks the flow.
| Quote: |
Because I/ am not worthy,
I can't handle/ the truth
Because I/ like being lied to...
Yeah Right! |
This was pretty vague, but I still liked it.
| Quote: |
But guess what? I
Don't wanna hear it, |
The lining is not good. Move the "I" to the second line.
The fourth verse is funnily long compared to the other ones. And since the title is "All Lies", maybe the last verse could be more collecting?
Well, I hope I was of any help. Just keep up your work and good luck! 
Demeter xx |
_________________
So how are we gonna ditch the dodo? |
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black star of darkness
Junior Writer
Gender:
Age: 14
Joined: 31 Mar 2008
Posts: 29
Reviews: 10
Country: UK
300 Points
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| Posted: Wed Jun 04, 2008 8:45 pm Post subject: |
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| yeh the / is meant for a pause, you see on some lyrics when they are written down. |
_________________
"My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre and that I am therefore excused from saving universes." |
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| This thread was created on May 24, 2008 |
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