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by Teddybear22 in Romantic Fiction
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This thread was created on May 19, 2008
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In the Land of Harmony Chapter 1 Part 2
The Jane Effect
The Jane Effect Part 2
The Jane Effect Part 3
The Jane Effect Part 5
We Will Not Listen Part 1 & 2
The Jane Effect Part 6
The Jane Effect Part 7
The Jane Effect Part 8
The Jane Effect Part 8.2
The Jane Effect Part 9

The Jane Effect Part 4

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PostPosted: Mon May 19, 2008 9:52 pm    Post subject: The Jane Effect Part 4 Reply with quote

The Jane Effect

By Angel of Death

Part 4: Over Tea and Music

The fire licked at the wood in the fireplace, colliding with the humming of the birds that danced in the afternoon air. Elizabeth sat on the floor by her father's chair, reading a book that had lost it's cover. From her endless page turning, she could conclude that the story was about a girl who fell in love with a prince of some sort.

It was a very boring story, Elizabeth thought, flipping to the last page. The characters were too unrealistic and the main character's voice was too vague. After deciding that she'd rather watch the sun continue her ascent in the soft blue sky than read the wretched book, Elizabeth placed it on the wooden table that lye in the middle of the room, and stood up.

Mrs. Greenly was sitting by the fireplace, teacup in hand, talking to Maxine about something that Elizabeth knew she wouldn't be interested in. As she moved towards the window, Elizabeth caught a bit of the conversation.

"I overheard Millie Barnes, the old maiden that lives down the road, say that young Mr. Garrison is the most handsomest man in Pennington. Her granddaughter, Mary, works in the Garrison household and is really close to him. Tomorrow, when I send you out to town, seek Mary out and start talking about Mr. Garrison. If we pray with our fingers crossed, maybe she'll report to Mr. Garrison about you and he'll be curious. Who knows, within a fortnight he'll invite you over for brunch. Lovely plan I say, don't you agree?" Mrs. Greenly asked, smiling contently.

Elizabeth watched as Maxine nodded her head slowly. Even as agreeable as Maxine was, Elizabeth knew that she wasn't happy about the whole arrangement. Something in her eyes told Elizabeth that there was someone else. That would explain the roses.

Mrs. Greenly turned to pour herself another cup of tea, signaling that the conversation was over and that she was pleased with her "well thought-out" plan.

Losing interest in the recent topic, Elizabeth turned her attention to the view outside the window. High in the ocean-birthed sky, rest the golden eye, surrounded by fluffy clouds. The tall grass shimmered in it's yellow rays as they caressed the earth. Afternoon's song continued to play, adding to the contentment Elizabeth suddenly felt.

Thinking back to the story she just read, Elizabeth wondered what it would be like to fall in love with another. She had fallen in love with the night and the dawn but never someone with a heart and soul.

Ever since she was little, her mother taught her that it was important to look for wealth, pride, and appearance in a man.

"You never can be happy if you live a life full of rags and poor appearances," she'd say.

Elizabeth remembered laughing every time her mother would say that. Alison Greenly stood by her husband all these years, even though he certainly didn't have a handsome brow or a piece of all the riches in the world.

Love existed for Mrs. Greenly. Elizabeth could see it in her eyes when she'd look at Mr. Greenly.

"Elizabeth?" Mr. Greenly asked, breaking Elizabeth out of her reverie.

"Yes father?" Elizabeth replied, turning to face Mr. Greenly.

"You seem so deep in thought. I was wondering what on earth you could be daydreaming about at this time of day," Mr. Greenly said, smiling.

"Love sir," Elizabeth replied truthfully.

"Lizzie, darling, that sort of thing is wistful thinking," Mrs. Greenly said, shaking her head.

"Now, now, Alison, if Elizabeth is thinking about something so severely, then it is her god-given right to believe in it," Mr. Greenly said firmly.

Elizabeth glared at her mother, and then turned to meet her father's calm, wise, blue eyes. She smiled lightly at him and then continued talking.

"I was thinking of how love happens, actually, and if I'd ever find it,"

"Well, dear, love happens when two people care for each other so much that they'd be able to accept their prejudices and swallow their prides. When you find that one other person who is able to say that they love you over tea and music, then you found it. Elizabeth, don't go looking for love, one day love will find you, no matter what your mother says," Mr. Greenly replied softly.

Elizabeth took in her father's words and knew that she'd remember them for the rest of her life. Then she chuckled a little, and ran to hug him.

"Over tea and music, Papa?" Elizabeth asked, still chuckling.

"Yes, my dear, over tea and music," Mr. Greenly said, smiling.

Thankful for the only person who understood her, Elizabeth kissed Mr. Greenly softly on the head, and then returned to her place by the window. Outside, the clouds were dancing in the sun, attuned the cacophony of sounds. Soon, the sun would rise its highest upon the earth, sheathing it in a golden shadow.

Birds slowed their hum and the fire silenced its crackle. Everything in the room grew quiet, dying like the embers that licked at the logs.

The serene peace that lingered in the room was interrupted by the two doors to the drawing-room being swung open. There, in the doorway, stood Lydia, both shock and fatigue in her eyes.

"Is something wrong, Lydia?" Mrs. Greenly asked, setting her teacup down on the table.

"I'm afraid to say it but yes. It's Master Daniel, he's been taken ill," Lydia replied, uneasily.

Before everyone could form coherent questions, a loud chuckle sounded behind Lydia. With a quiet head bow, Lydia backed out of the room, and Daniel walked in.

His dark hair sat sloppily on his soft, handsome face. In his deep brown eyes, Elizabeth could see the resurrection of an emotion that Daniel had stopped showing, joy.

"Hello mother," Daniel greeted, kissing Mrs. Greenly on the cheek.

With one quick leap, Daniel was across the room, scooping Elizabeth up and twirling her around. Because he was tall and very skinny, it surprised Elizabeth that he could pick her up.

"What is the meaning of this, Daniel?" Elizabeth asked, laughing.

"I've seen the world today, and I've met the most delightful people," Daniel replied, setting Elizabeth down.

"Are you ill, son?" Mrs. Greenly asked concernedly, rushing to Daniel's side.

"No, ma'am, I'm as fit as a fiddle," Daniel replied softly.

Elizabeth heard Mr. Greenly chuckle and then stood up from his chair. A smile rose silently on his face, signaling that he too felt Daniel's joy.

"Why don't you explain to us what you say today, Daniel," Mr. Greenly pushed.

"Well, father, I was in town, and all of a sudden, I heard this wondrous sound, almost like herald angels. As if it were a siren calling to a sailor, I followed the voice to the end of its melodic road to find the most beautiful creature I've ever crossed," Daniel mused, his eye twinkling.

Elizabeth stared at her brother affectionately, she had never seen him so animated before. It was if his soul, like the sun in the sky, made its ascent into a more blithe spirit. After Mrs. Greenly asked a myriads of questions about this mysterious maiden, Elizabeth noticed that Daniel didn't mention her name. Nor did he tell of where she lived.

Taking Mrs. Greenly's seat by the fireplace, Daniel couldn't help but smile.

"Love, what a beautiful thing she is, isn't she?" Daniel asked, staring at the glowing flames.

Both Maxine and Mrs. Greenly shook their heads in unison. Unable to contain her curiosity, Elizabeth waltzed over to her brother's side and knelt before him. Her white dress fell gracefully around her, blanketing the oak wood floor in lace and silk. Daniel reached for Elizabeth's hand and held it tightly. It was ice cold, almost like snow when it first starts sticking to the ground. Unlike Sir Harvey's crystal-birthed skin, Daniel's raged with life.

"Beth, my dear sister, you're going to love her. Oh, she is the most delightful being," Daniel explained, rubbing Elizabeth's hand with his thumb.

Elizabeth smiled at her brother's joy, her cheeks breathing rose, by the warmth of the fire.

"Tell me, my darling brother, who is this charming lady you speak of?" Elizabeth asked, smile in her voice.

Daniel's eyes filled with worry, but then, as fast lightning, his vivacious manner was reignited.

"You'll meet her tonight, I promise. Now, everyone, put on your best attire. Come sunset, we are going to a ball," Daniel replied, gently letting go of Elizabeth's hand.

Before any questions could swim into the air, Daniel was up and out of the room. The room grew still, bracing everyone in their current positions. No one could move after the strange occurrence that just took place. Mr. Greenly let out a joyous sigh, then got up, for he had retired to his chair once more, when Daniel took his seat by the fire.

"You heard the man, let's ready ourselves!" Mr. Greenly shouted, excitedly.

The corners of his mouth was pulled up into a knowing grin. Elizabeth knew her father was in on Daniel's sudden outburst. As he kissed Mrs. Greenly on the cheek, Elizabeth chuckled. Nothing went past her father. Following Mr. Greenly's orders, Maxine, Mrs. Greenly, and Elizabeth, filed out of the room in that exact order. Before climbing the staircase, Elizabeth stole a glance out the window to look at her beloved yellow star. She smiled, the sun was still high in the baby's blue sky, and in an hour it would near sunset, night's introduction.


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Last edited by Angel of Death on Mon Jun 16, 2008 4:49 pm; edited 2 times in total
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PostPosted: Thu Jun 05, 2008 10:41 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I haven't read any of the other chapters but this chapter is good. A good beginning place and good ending place. There are some things that confused me though:

Quote:
If we pray very hard, maybe she'll report to Mr. Garrison about you and he'll be curious.
Somehow, "very" doesn't seem like something an older woman would say. Maybe a child or something but not an adult, especially how you described Jane's mother.

Quote:
Elizabeth placed it on the wooden table that lye in the middle of the room, and stood up.
Do you mean "ly"?

Quote:
Crickets slowed their hum and the fire silenced its crackle. Everything in the room grew quiet, dying like the embers that licked at the logs.
I liked these two lines. Good use of imagery.

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PostPosted: Mon Sep 29, 2008 11:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Angel, I think you have a dedicated reader in me. So far, I love this story. Right after I got home from school today, I hurried through my homework so I could read more Wink

Comments in bold, corrections in red.


The Jane Effect

By Angel of Death


Part 4: Over Tea and Music



The fire licked at the wood in the fireplace, colliding with the humming of the birds that danced in the afternoon air. Elizabeth sat on the floor by her father's chair, reading a book that had lost it's cover. From her endless page turning, she could conclude that the story was about a girl who fell in love with a prince of some sort.

It was a very boring story, Elizabeth thought, flipping to the last page. The characters were too unrealistic and the main character's voice was too vague. After deciding that she'd rather watch the sun continue her ascent in the soft blue sky than read the wretched book, Elizabeth placed it on the wooden table that lye in the middle of the room, and stood up.

Mrs. Greenly was sitting by the fireplace, teacup in hand, talking to Maxine about something that Elizabeth knew she wouldn't be interested in. As she moved towards the window, Elizabeth caught a bit of the conversation.

"I overheard Millie Barnes, the old maiden that lives down the road, say that young Mr. Garrison is the most handsomest man in Pennington. Her granddaughter, Mary, works in the Garrison household and is really close to him. Tomorrow, when I send you out to town, seek Mary out and start talking about Mr. Garrison. If we pray with our fingers crossed, maybe she'll report to Mr. Garrison about you and he'll be curious. Who knows, within a fortnight he'll invite you over for brunch. Lovely plan I say, don't you agree?" Mrs. Greenly asked, smiling contently.

Elizabeth watched as Maxine nodded her head slowly. Even as agreeable as Maxine was, Elizabeth knew that she wasn't happy about the whole arrangement. Something in her eyes told Elizabeth that there was someone else. That would explain the roses. Oooo, I wonder who that could be...

Mrs. Greenly turned to pour herself another cup of tea, signaling that the conversation was over and that she was pleased with her "well thought-out" plan.

Losing interest in the recent topic, Elizabeth turned her attention to the view outside the window. High in the ocean-birthed sky, rest the golden eye, surrounded by fluffy clouds. The tall grass shimmered in it's yellow rays as they caressed the earth. Afternoon's song continued to play, adding to the contentment Elizabeth suddenly felt. Wow, Angel, your descriptions are beyond anything else. Wonderful Work Very Happy

Thinking back to the story she just read, Elizabeth wondered what it would be like to fall in love with another. All right, explain that she has sudden interest in the love part because, before, she was complaining about the book. I would try to expand on that thought more. She had fallen in love with the night and the dawn but never someone with a heart and soul.

Ever since she was little, her mother taught her that it was important to look for wealth, pride, and appearance in a man.

"You never can be happy if you live a life full of rags and poor appearances," she'd say.

Elizabeth remembered laughing every time her mother would say that. Alison Greenly stood by her husband all these years, even though he certainly didn't have a handsome brow or a piece of all the riches in the world.

Love existed for Mrs. Greenly. Elizabeth could see it in her eyes when she'd look at Mr. Greenly.

"Elizabeth?" Mr. Greenly asked, breaking Elizabeth out of her reverie.

"Yes comma father?" Elizabeth replied, turning to face Mr. Greenly.

"You seem so deep in thought. I was wondering what on earth you could be daydreaming about at this time of day," Mr. Greenly said, smiling.

"Love commasir," Elizabeth replied truthfully.

"Lizzie, darling, that sort of thing is wistful thinking," Mrs. Greenly said, shaking her head.

"Now, now, Alison, if Elizabeth is thinking about something so severely, then it is her god-given right to believe in it," Mr. Greenly said firmly.

Elizabeth glared at her mother, and then turned to meet her father's calm, wise, blue eyes. She smiled lightly at him and then continued talking.

"I was thinking of how love happens, actually, and if I'd ever find it,"

"Well, dear, love happens when two people care for each other so much that they'd be able to accept their prejudices and swallow their prides. When you find that one other person who is able to say that they love you over tea and music, then you found it. Elizabeth, don't go looking for love, one day love will find you, no matter what your mother says," Mr. Greenly replied softly.

Elizabeth took in her father's words and knew that she'd remember them for the rest of her life. Then she chuckled a little, and ran to hug him.

"Over tea and music, Papa?" Elizabeth asked, still chuckling.

"Yes, my dear, over tea and music," Mr. Greenly said, smiling.

Thankful for the only person who understood her, Elizabeth kissed Mr. Greenly softly on the head, and then returned to her place by the window. Outside, the clouds were dancing in the sun, attuned the cacophony of sounds. Soon, the sun would rise its highest upon the earth, sheathing it in a golden shadow.

Birds slowed their hum and the fire silenced its crackle. Everything in the room grew quiet, dying like the embers that licked at the logs.

The serene peace that lingered in the room was interrupted by the two doors to the drawing-room being swung open. There, in the doorway, stood Lydia, both shock and fatigue in her eyes.

"Is something wrong, Lydia?" Mrs. Greenly asked, setting her teacup down on the table.

"I'm afraid to say it but yes. It's Master Daniel, I would use a semicolon instead of a comma after "Daniel" he's been taken ill," Lydia replied, uneasily.

Before everyone could form coherent questions, a loud chuckle sounded behind Lydia. With a quiet head bow, Lydia backed out of the room, and Daniel walked in.

His dark hair sat sloppily on his soft, handsome face. In his deep brown eyes, Elizabeth could see the resurrection of an emotion that Daniel had stopped showing, joy.

"Hello comma mother," Daniel greeted, kissing Mrs. Greenly on the cheek.

With one quick leap, Daniel was across the room, scooping Elizabeth up and twirling her around. Because he was tall and very skinny, it surprised Elizabeth that he could pick her up.

"What is the meaning of this, Daniel?" Elizabeth asked, laughing.

"I've seen the world today, and I've met the most delightful people," Daniel replied, setting Elizabeth down.

"Are you ill, son?" Mrs. Greenly asked concernedly, rushing to Daniel's side.

"No, ma'am, I'm as fit as a fiddle," Daniel replied softly.

Elizabeth heard Mr. Greenly chuckle and then stood up from his chair. A smile rose silently on his face, signaling that he too felt Daniel's joy.

"Why don't you explain to us what you say saw today, Daniel," Mr. Greenly pushed.

"Well, father, I was in town, and all of a sudden, I heard this wondrous sound, almost like herald angels. As if it were a siren calling to a sailor, I followed the voice to the end of its melodic road to find the most beautiful creature I've ever crossed," Daniel mused, his eye twinkling.

Elizabeth stared at her brother affectionately, she had never seen him so animated before. It was if his soul, like the sun in the sky, made its ascent into a more blithe spirit. After Mrs. Greenly asked a myriads of questions about this mysterious maiden, Elizabeth noticed that Daniel didn't mention her name. Nor did he tell of where she lived.

Taking Mrs. Greenly's seat by the fireplace, Daniel couldn't help but smile.

"Love, what a beautiful thing she is, isn't she?" Daniel asked, staring at the glowing flames.

Both Maxine and Mrs. Greenly shook their heads in unison. Unable to contain her curiosity, Elizabeth waltzed over to her brother's side and knelt before him. Her white dress fell gracefully around her, blanketing the oak wood floor in lace and silk. Daniel reached for Elizabeth's hand and held it tightly. It was ice cold, almost like snow when it first starts sticking to the ground. Unlike Sir Harvey's crystal-birthed skin, Daniel's raged with life.

"Beth, my dear sister, you're going to love her. Oh, she is the most delightful being," Daniel explained, rubbing Elizabeth's hand with his thumb.

Elizabeth smiled at her brother's joy, her cheeks breathing rose, by the warmth of the fire.

"Tell me, my darling brother, who is this charming lady you speak of?" Elizabeth asked, smile in her voice.

Daniel's eyes filled with worry, but then, as fast lightning, his vivacious manner was reignited.

"You'll meet her tonight, I promise. Now, everyone, put on your best attire. Come sunset, we are going to a ball," Daniel replied, gently letting go of Elizabeth's hand.

Before any questions could swim into the air, Daniel was up and out of the room. The room grew still, bracing everyone in their current positions. No one could move after the strange occurrence that just took place. Mr. Greenly let out a joyous sigh, then got up, for he had retired to his chair once more, when Daniel took his seat by the fire.

"You heard the man, Should be a semicolon instead of a comma after "man" let's ready ourselves!" Mr. Greenly shouted, excitedly.

The corners of his mouth was pulled up into a knowing grin. Elizabeth knew her father was in on Daniel's sudden outburst. As he kissed Mrs. Greenly on the cheek, Elizabeth chuckled. Nothing went past her father. Following Mr. Greenly's orders, Maxine, Mrs. Greenly, and Elizabeth, filed out of the room in that exact order No need to say that last part. We can guess at much by your selective order you said the names in.. Before climbing the staircase, Elizabeth stole a glance out the window to look at her beloved yellow star. She smiled, Should be a semicolon instead ofa comma after "smiled" the sun was still high in the baby's blue sky, and in an hour it would near sunset, night's introduction.

This was such a good chapter, Angel! Very Happy

Like I said before, your descriptions are amazing! The plot is thickening...I wonder how this mysterious girl is? And who is Maxine's secret admirer?

I guess I will have to read on and see Wink

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PostPosted: Sun Nov 30, 2008 7:02 pm    Post subject: Re: The Jane Effect Part 4 Reply with quote

Quote:
Part 4: Over Tea and Music

You know, I'm liking these chapter titles. It gives a sense on what's going to happen.

Quote:
From her endless page turning, she could conclude that the story was about a girl who fell in love with a prince of some sort.
It was a very boring story, Elizabeth thought, flipping to the last page. The characters were too unrealistic and the main character's voice was too vague. After deciding that she'd rather watch the sun continue her ascent in the soft blue sky than read the wretched book, Elizabeth placed it on the wooden table that lye in the middle of the room, and stood up.

I know, how boring. Who really wants to read about damsels in distress and princes. Not me.

Quote:
"You never can be happy if you live a life full of rags and poor appearances," she'd say.

So what. What if Lizzie wants a life of that. Maybe she doesn't care and all she wants is love.

Quote:
"Well, dear, love happens when two people care for each other so much that they'd be able to accept their prejudices and swallow their prides. When you find that one other person who is able to say that they love you over tea and music, then you found it. Elizabeth, don't go looking for love, one day love will find you, no matter what your mother says," Mr. Greenly replied softly.

Awww, that's so sweet. I totally have to agree. But somehow, it reminds me a little of pride and prejudice. No offense.

Quote:
"Over tea and music, Papa?" Elizabeth asked, still chuckling.
"Yes, my dear, over tea and music," Mr. Greenly said, smiling.

Yep, there it is. The tea and music chapter title.

Quote:
"I'm afraid to say it but yes. It's Master Daniel, he's been taken ill," Lydia replied, uneasily.

Huh? What? Really?

Quote:
"You'll meet her tonight, I promise. Now, everyone, put on your best attire. Come sunset, we are going to a ball," Daniel replied, gently letting go of Elizabeth's hand.

What?! A ball, you say. *giggles with joy* Ah, yes. Yes. Yes!! I seriously can't wait.

Angel-
I have to hurry and finish this, 'cause there's going to be a ball!!! YEAH!!! Count me in.
-Merry

~oh, and I wonder who's the mysterious girl that's making Daniel crazy in love.~

_________________
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