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This thread was created on May 17, 2008

Wolf Island Road

Topic ID: 30354

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enzoguy15
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Posted: Sat May 17, 2008 8:28 pm Post subject: Wolf Island Road

Folk tale: Wolf Island Road. By: Joshua G. Wolf island road. Who would have known? It was a dark silent night all was calm. Not a movement was made. A guy and a girl had just finished their movie date. It was about 11 o’clock. The guy looked at the girl, and she looked at him. It was one of those nights where every thing seemed to be perfect. They were both teenagers and knew that they loved each other. From the first time he saw her he knew she was the one. She felt the same way. They were perfect for each other and nothing would change that. She began talking to him in that sweet loving voice that he would kill to hear. His arm was wrapped around her. She spoke soft and nice. He replied just as sweet. As they walked to the car together, wrapped around each other as if they were holding on for each others life. The boy opened the car door for the girl and she seated herself thanking him in a soft kind voice, then closed the door. He seated himself and they began to drive away. Only a few moments into the car and she knew she did not want to leave him. She wanted to stay with him and she told him that. He wanted to stay with her till the day he died and he knew he would prove it to her some how. A few minutes later and he pulled the car over on a quiet road. He looked at her and she looked at him and they began with a soft kiss. * * * When they finally came to an end. He began the car as he tried to pull away the cars tire began to screech. He was not fond of this noise and knew immediately that he had a flat tire. He told the girl that he would come right back and she simply nodded and smiled. Time pasted and the girl was still sitting in the car ever since he left not a budge or a noise occurred. Another minute or two pasted and she heard a trickling sound. Drip… Drip… Drip… She began to get afraid, She left the car and too her surprise what she saw could have killed her. A murder occurred that day a boy was beheaded with an old axe and decapitated. The only explanation to this was an old tale one of a never found murder. FIN

ashleylee
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Posted: Sat May 17, 2008 8:57 pm Post subject:

I'm sorry. I know it bugs some people when I copy/paste their work but it is just SO much easier to correct when I just can write something and then continue reading! Again, all corrections are in bold: It was a dark silent night [semi-colon] all was calm. Not a movement was made. A guy and a girl had just finished their movie date. It was about 11 o’clock. The guy looked at the girl, and she looked at him. It was one of those nights where every thing seemed to be perfect. They were both teenagers and knew that they loved each other. From the first time he saw her [comma] he knew she was the one. She felt the same way. They were perfect for each other and nothing would change that. First, I think you need to give this "guy and girl" names. It's too hard to keep track of them when they are just "guy" and "girl". She began talking to him in that sweet loving voice that he would kill to hear. His arm was wrapped around her. She spoke soft and nice. He replied just as sweet. As they walked to the car together, wrapped around each other [comma] as if they were holding on for each others life. The boy opened the car door for the girl and she seated herself [comma] thanking him in a soft kind voice, then closed the door. He seated himself and they began to drive away. Only a few moments into the car [I think you forgot the word "ride" after "car" ] and she knew she did not want to leave him. She wanted to stay with him and she told him that. He wanted to stay with her till the day he died and he knew he would prove it to her some how. A few minutes later and he pulled the car over on a quiet road. He looked at her and she looked at him and they began with a soft kiss. * * * When they finally came to an end. He began the car as he tried to pull away the cars tire began to screech. He was not fond of this noise and knew immediately that he had a flat tire. He told the girl that he would come right back and she simply nodded and smiled. Time pasted and the girl was still sitting in the car ever since he left [comma] not a budge or a noise occurred. Another minute or two pasted and she heard a trickling sound. Drip… Drip… Drip… She began to get afraid, She left the car and too her surprise what she saw could have killed her. A murder occurred that day [semi-colon] a boy was beheaded with an old axe and decapitated. The only explanation to this was an old tale one of a never found murder. FIN Ooooh, creepy ending! Totally forget my suggestion in the begining about the "girl" and "guy" haveing names. I liked this WAY better when they didn't have names. So sorry and forge that On another note, I think the murder happened to fast. Have her hear something or make her get creeped out over something. I don't know, I'm not good at making suggestions. Well, Hope this Helps!
_________________ -Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart- ~William Wordsworth -We are like the wilted petals of a poisoned rose. To grow, we made our flower bloom. But to end, we had to have our blossom die. "Us" is no more- ~Me

This thread was created on May 17, 2008	Young Writers Society Forum Index » Other Fiction	All times are GMT
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This thread was created on May 17, 2008

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