Topic ID: 30066
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Eva 040
Junior Writer
Age: 15
Joined: 17 Nov 2007
Posts: 47
Reviews: 26
398 Points
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 Posted: Sun May 11, 2008 1:21 pm Post subject: Hello Kitty Love Life |
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Again, at the moment this has simple chords, Em, c, g, Am with the lil' finger on the third fret, when you take it on and off, its got a flow patterm with the music, the chords just go at the start of each line, two per line, 8 per verse, kinda confusing ^.^
Hello Kitty Love Life
Tears run down my cheeks and onto her face,
As she kisses away all my fears.
The world doesn't seem so dark,
As we lie under this perfect sky.
Steal away a moment,
Try to live more than just a day,
Stop walking down the sidewalks,
To try take the safest way.
Loose yourself in the day dream,
The answers right in front of your eyes,
Run away from all the street lights,
Run away from all the cries.
Don't deny yourself this feeling,
Don't make it slip away,
Don't run from this moment,
It is only a day.
Living off emotions,
Walking down this empty road,
With only you beside me,
In our own perfect world.
I believe in this romance,
I believe in this way.
I believe in tomorrow,
I believe in what you say.
Steal away a moment,
Try to live more than just a day,
Stop walking down the sidewalks,
To try take the safest way.
Loose yourself in the day dream,
The answers right in front of your eyes,
Run away from all the street lights,
Run away from all the cries.
Don't deny yourself this feeling,
Don't make it slip away,
Don't run from this moment,
It is only a day,
It is only a day,
It is only a day,
It is only a day,
It is only a,
It is only a day,
It is only a day,
It is only a day,
It is only a day
Loose yourself in the day dream,
The answers right in front of your eyes,
Run away from all the street lights,
Run away from all the cries.
Don't deny yourself this feeling,
Don't make it slip away,
Don't run from this moment,
It is only a day, |
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Dr. Jamie Bondage
Perfectionist
Master of the Forum
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Joined: 08 Nov 2007
Posts: 2297
Reviews: 63
287 Points
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| Posted: Sun May 11, 2008 1:30 pm Post subject: |
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It was good, but extremely repetitive. I think I only saw one verse. the rest was the chorus. And your really don't need to repeat "One day" over and over again. I'd suggest adding different ideas in there and at least putting some space inbetween the verses and the chorus. Just a suggestion.
Loved the meaning! Happy editing.
Jamie |
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Ailam Remard
Writer
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Age: 14
Joined: 09 Apr 2008
Posts: 51
Reviews: 28
Country: Fa Fa Away.....
228 Points
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| Posted: Wed May 28, 2008 2:21 am Post subject: |
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QUOTE:
To try take the safest way.
END QUOTE
This should be more like "Try to take the safest way" or "To try to take the safest way" or "You/I try to take the safest way. "To try take the safest way" doesn't make sense.
QUOTE:
Loose yourself in the day dream
END QUOTE
Loose should be lose. Loose is like if a screw is loose or the cap is loose or the hinge is loose. Lose is like to lose something so "Lose yourself in the day dream" makes more sense.
Love You Eva!
Love, Ailam |
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Demeter
Speaker of the Forum
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Joined: 02 May 2008
Posts: 512
Reviews: 210
Country: Finland
9560 Points
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| Posted: Wed May 28, 2008 4:50 pm Post subject: |
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Okay, hi. I haven't reviewed many lyrics here, but I'll try my best. I agree with Jamie on the repetition thing, but then again pop songs do that a lot. I also agree with Ailam on the "lose yourself" thing.
I'm not much into bubble gum pop songs, so like them all, this didn't really give me anything. When I saw the title, I got interested, but I still have to say that it was best in this song. There were nice lines, though. So just keep writing!
Love,
Demeter xx |
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blacktiger3915
It's the eye of the tiger!
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Country: Atlanta,GA USA
2024 Points
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| Posted: Thu May 29, 2008 5:54 pm Post subject: |
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| First, I read it a couple of times and I still don't know why the song is called "Hello Kitty Love Life". Is it a metaphor for something? Second, I think to help people understand your song, is to label what is the verse, chorus, and bridge if you have one. Like the others said, it was to repeative. I hope I helped, beat wishes! |
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