Topic ID: 29946
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ink_on_fire
Senior Writer
Gender: 
Age: 16
Joined: 09 Apr 2008
Posts: 178
Reviews: 84
Country: Australia
532 Points
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 Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 2:15 am Post subject: Dramatically Bored |
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I am dramatically bored,
put your hands on my forehead,
it's heated under your fingertips.
Hear the monotonous tones
that mean to shape my life,
can you see my disinterest?
Taste my sleepy yawn
as I slip away and listen
to your subliminal words -
I am past bored
and I truly do not care.
I am subconsciously awake,
nothing more than my eyes are open.
See the glass protecting me?
Hear the teacher sigh...
Is it he who cares for my future life?
I cannot fake my dislike
for the gold he tries to sell.
The surroundings are one tone,
vision and touch one in my head -
I am past bored
and I truly do not care.
*I wrote this in class  * |
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LunaBuna43
(oT..To)
Epic Novelist
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Age: 12
Joined: 27 Jan 2008
Posts: 3248
Reviews: 63
Country: In Granola Bar Land, eating all the s'mores
5 Points
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Jesse
Junior Writer
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Age: 14
Joined: 08 May 2008
Posts: 23
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Country: Where the Sun shines on the day and the moon blooms our love
341 Points
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| Posted: Sun May 11, 2008 5:03 am Post subject: |
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| haha beautiful description of what seems to be an everyday occurrence |
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oneeyedunicornhunter
Writer
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Age: 15
Joined: 21 Mar 2008
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707 Points
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| Posted: Sun May 11, 2008 6:58 am Post subject: |
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wow...this poem was so boring, i found it hard to read the whole thing.
please learn to write before you post again.
haha, just kiddin'. this was pretty good, really captured the essence of true boredum! not exactly literary genius, but still easy to relate to and funny. good job! |
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Eimear
*Tea drinking champion!*
Novelist
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Age: 17
Joined: 26 Jan 2008
Posts: 286
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Country: Newcastle, Northern Ireland
1899 Points
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| Posted: Sun May 11, 2008 4:57 pm Post subject: |
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Tut, tut, tut. Writing poems when you should be paying attention in class. I suppose people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones though, I'm suppose to be studying!
So good job here. You have some appropirate imagery here which was, ironically, quite interesting. I liked the way it all sounded when I read it out loud; it flowed well. I don't really have any major problems with your grammer ect.
I liked the repitition of this line:
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I am past bored
and I truly do not care. |
Oh, and by the way. I LOVE your signature. I did smile.
Eimear |
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