| Young Writers Society - Community Forums For Young Writers |
|
This thread was created on May 8, 2008
  |
|
Topic ID: 29906
|
View previous topic :: View next topic |
| Author |
Message |
scissorquiz
Junior Writer
Gender: 
Age: 20
Joined: 26 Jan 2005
Posts: 43
Reviews: 11
217 Points
|
 Posted: Thu May 08, 2008 10:32 am Post subject: three haiku and a not haiku |
 |
|
gulp
sometimes i feel like
the world opened it's big mouth
and swallowed me whole
show
you scream in my face
because i screamed in your face
love each other so
beer
let's drink it quickly
it's no good when it gets warm
and i need help soon
mountain
the sheer mountain face,
perpetually to my right as we
wind wind wind to the summit,
shows drill marks and blast lines.
quarter acres graded flat,
spread with straw, and
held down with lengths of string.
obscene bandages.
can't help but feel guilt
as i ponder the scars
left from a battle
that allowed me to be here. |
_________________
no future |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
timjim77
Novelist
Age: 17
Joined: 24 Sep 2005
Posts: 283
Reviews: 186
364 Points
|
| Posted: Mon May 12, 2008 1:57 am Post subject: |
|
|
I like 'beer'.
The non-haiku poem is wonderful. I love "wind wind wind to the summit" and "obscene bandages". The powerful brevity of the poem gives it immense appeal. Wonderful work. |
|
|
| Back to top |
|
midnightsun
New Member
Gender: 
Age: 15
Joined: 12 Apr 2008
Posts: 4
Reviews: 1
223 Points
|
| Posted: Tue May 13, 2008 9:17 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| "glup" is my favorite out of the three, put it was a hard choice. As for the mountain, I also thought that it was written well and completely agree with timjim77. |
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
You can attach files in this forum
You can download files in this forum
|
Graphics By Bobo | YWS Sword & Shield Logo by Bobo
Bartemius says, The person who has no opinion will seldom be wrong. - Anonymous
|
