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Iridescent Anarchy
Iridescent Anarchy

by ChernobyllyInclined in Other Fiction
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Other Fiction

This thread was created on May 2, 2008
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Indevor-a band story

Indevor-band story
Topic ID: 29656
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Iheartu   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Sat May 03, 2008 1:42 am    Post subject: Indevor-band story Reply with quote

(I will run this through spell check when I get the chance...)

Hey! The Jonas Brothers I just figured out write there songs from the heart. My friend Maria does that to but she doesn't have any musical instruments to play and no others who would problem join so...

I wonder do they have any songs that describe a girls eyes when they first meet one?*shrug*Oh well. My friend here has written a chapter of a bands life out in the open world so...ya...um...

Well this chapter is about the time when its a he said she said kinda deal....

So...ya....um...bye,

AmC

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

Maria had just had a great burst of inspiration for a song from no particular thing but she was excited to share it with her friends. It was a simple means of a song but she didn't care.

"Hey! Hey guys!" she said rushing into the lounge of her band members, waving the piece of paper in the air.

Shio had been standing by her door and had snatched the paper up from Maria's grip before she could do anything else. He read it over quickly and smiled. "I think this will be great for our concert next week. I have a great plan for it..."

--------------------

And so he discussed the plan fully and exactly as the rest of the band just nodded there heads in agreement.

"You sure you guys can get that together and accomplished while I'm gone?" Josolin asked. She was going to go to an old family members house. It would probable the last time she would get to see her great aunt.

"Do you really doubt us, sis?" Mint asked jumping up off the couch and grabbing a pop from the fridge. Mint and Josolin had been like brother and sister since, like, birth. You'd think that since there not related and they grew up together so well they'd be meant for each other but no. Even when each of them had a boyfriend or a girlfriend they wouldn't mind a bit. For all they cared they could be making out and the other wouldn't care.

"No. I have every right to doubt you guys but yes, I do think you all can accomplish it easily." she said.

--------------------

The next day Josolin was off to her aunt's as the band went to work on there little project.

---

"Shojin. I think we should use a different note..." Maria said leading over the mic to her friend.

"How about this one?" Shojin asked plucking a cord on her slim, sleek guitar.

"Ya. That sounds better.” Maria said as she Shio pulled her back onto her feet. She had always been short and was grateful for her friends around to help.

"Thanks." she said as her feet reached the floor.

"No problem." he answered as he went to him guitar. Shio closed his eyes as he strummed his guitar and then played there song all the way through by heart. He was always a quick learner and that would probable never change.

------------

There concert was great and now it was time for there final act...

"You ready for a song?" Maria said into the mic enthusiastically. She was good with crowds and she got s nicely enthusiastic chorus of screams.

"Okay! Start us up Mint.” Maria said turning to the drums. She smiled and got one in return and the song began.

%"You caused a rift in my heart.

Because of you things are going through it

all the time.

What happened to you?

You've changed so drastically since that sweet day

That day of talken without.

Holden back.

I spilled my secrets to you.

I trusted you!

And you spilled my secrets to the world.

We're through.

I'm done with you!

....we're through

....m done with you

....we're through"%

The song ended and the crowd went quiet as the drums went on...

dun-dun dun-dun dun-dun.....

Shio stepped up to the mic. "Maria...Are you sure we were working on this?" he asked into the mic as he looked over at her.

"Yes, I'm sure and I'm sure of something else.” she said smoothly into the mic.

"What?"

"That your guitar skills suck." she said.

The crowed owed anxiously wanting to see Shio's reaction.

"Okay. Prove it to me. Let's see your guitar skills."Shio said. Maria made it seem like he hit a soft spot as she cringed a little. Then she recovered quickly set the mic in its stand.

"Shojin can I use your guitar?" she asked looking over at her friend. Shojin nodded her head as she took off her guitar and handed it to Maria when she reached her.

She slipped the guitar onto her shoulder and flipped it onto her back as she walked over to another mic at the side of the stage. She waved two of her fingers up in to air and the stage below her moved up bringing her to a normal persons height level. But along with the box she stood upon was another box(bigger box) was sitting now in the middle of the stage.

"Come on up boys!" she called as the Jonas Brothers climbed up on top of the box. Each of them jumped down off the box as the crowd roared with excitement. Joe came to a stop as his brothers went each to share a microphone with either Maria or Shio.

The song started.

(ok this is how i heard Hold on so bear with me if some of the words are wrong... The * is to show who's guitar is louder than the rest...Ignore the . and - please)

Maria started doubtingly at first but gained confidence as she progressed.

%*Maria*"We don't have time to regret .hold on.

*Shio* It will take more than common sense .hold on.

*Maria* So stop your wondern, take a stand .hold on.

*Shio* There's more to life than just to live .hold on.

*Maria* Cus an empty room can be so loud is to many tears to drown them out so -.hold on.-

*Shio* -hold on- .hold on. -hold on-

*Maria* One single smile a helping hand .hold on.

*Shio* Its not that hard to be a friend .hold on.

*Maria* So don't give up, stand till the end .hold on.

*Shio* There's more to life than just to live .hold on.

*Maria* Cus an empty room can be so loud to many tears to drown them out -.so hold on.- -hold on- .hold on.-hold on-

*Shio* When you love some one and they break your heart don't give up on love have faith restart -.just hold on.- .hold on. .hold on. -hold on-

*Maria*

*Shio* Many files apart and your fellin lost all your hope is gone don't forget to -hold on hold on-

*Maria* Cus an empty room can be so loud to many tears to drown them out -.so hold on.- -hold on- .hold on. -hold on-

*Shio* When you love some one and they break your heart don't give up on love have faith restart -.just hold on.- -hold on- .hold on. -hold on-

*Maria* Cus an empty room can be so loud to many tears to drown them out -.so hold on.- -hold on- .hold on. -hold on-

*Shio* When you love some one and they break your heart don't give up on love have faith restart just hold on -hold on- hold on hold on"%

The song ended and the boys stood there as the Indever band waited for the crowd to quiet.

They looked a little disappointed that the whole concert was over. They always loved to give surprises , Indevor. And this one was about there fifth concert. It was always different every time they played. Hopefully some one had gotten that on camera.

"I think we have ourselves a tie boys." Shio said talking to J. B.

"Yes." they all agreed.

Maria smiled proudly and the concert was over. "Thanks boys hope to see you again."Maria said as the Jonas Brothers followed her off stage.

"No prob. Happy to help." Nick answered shaking her hand.

"Bye." she called as they walked down a hall in all there glory.

__________________________________________________________________________

A few days later when Josolin came home...

"Hey guys! My younger sister wanted to say hi. She wrote us all a letter." she called as she dragged her luggage into the lounge. She handed the envelope to Maria as the band gathered around

Maria opened it and the letter read...

Hey Indevor!

Just wanted to say hi. I've been

doing many things lately with a friend.

Me and him have decided to make a band

of our own. I'll talk to you more on

my space.

see ya,

Sammy

With the letter came a picture:




cousin band.jpg
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cousin band.jpg



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Last edited by Iheartu on Mon Jul 14, 2008 10:12 pm; edited 3 times in total
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SuicideKing   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Sat May 03, 2008 1:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hello, Heart.

To be perfectly honest, the fact that you put this up without running it through a spelling or grammar check first shows a bit of disrespect for your readers, don't you think? I recommend doing so before submitting any future works, simply out of courtesy.

I also recommend formatting your piece to fit the flow of the site as well, if you would like any serious reviews. The way it is now is little more than a chunk of text that needs to be spaced out to make sense of. Your only saving grace is that most of your dialog is a mere one line, so the line breaks are early.

On further inspection, it looks like right now your entire piece is dialog. This takes place at a concert, correct? Make it appear to. Add some atmosphere. Describe the scene for the reader. Make us feel like we're there. don't just tell us what's happening. Don't just say "and the concert was over." Make us feel the reverberating final note as it hangs in the air, share with us the disappointment of the crowd as that note fades, the lingering effects of adrenaline filled veins as the crowd screams for more.

--King

PS: If you must have a cast list, I would place it in this thread, rather than in it's own thread.

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Iheartu   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Sat May 03, 2008 2:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh sorry It was spaced out and my mom doesn't have microsoft word and the spell cow or what ever sucks to tell you the truth.

Um...Ill go fix this real quick.

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ambercoultis   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Mon May 05, 2008 8:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

She told me she did do as much spell check as she could infive min but se didn't get done...*

I like how you tell us what your doing doring the song hold on. I would have been very lost if not. Oh the next day thing was very clever. It helps put more base on charaters.^_^

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Iheartu   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Mon Jul 14, 2008 10:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I reviewed it more. Can't believe I've been gone so long. My gosh. Now, here I am. I only have on story posted... Rolling Eyes

-Amber

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