On 24-th of December 2006 (we were together for nearly nine months) I began to worry because my period was late. I bought a pregnancy test and… unluckily it was positive. So this is where my nightmare begins. Ned told me that he won’t ever leave me and we’ll deal with this together. I was so scared, I was so little… So we decided to have an abortion. It was our only choice. Two days later we were in front of the doctor’s cabinet. Ned was telling me how everything was going to be okay. I was so worried. My whole body was shaking… I was thinking: What if my parents find out? What if something goes wrong? What if it hurts so much? What if I don’t ever wake up? Suddenly my thoughts were interrupted. The doctor called my name. Who is Martina he asked… I raised my hand and went into the room… I laid down and all I remember is the doctor’s face. When I woke up my babe was standing next to me giving me some pills and holding my hand. He told me: “Everything is okay sweetie, don’t worry, just take a rest and I’ll be here.” It sounded so relaxing… I felt a huge relief. I felt so calm, so peacefully.
We coped with the biggest problem in our lives. Now me and Ned were the closest two people on the earth.
Have you ever heard that there is no eternal happiness? Well it is true! There is no eternal happiness and I will prove this to you with my next lines …
One night Ned told me that he’s going out with his friends for a beer. I agreed. 2 hours later I called him but he sounded strange- when I told him `I LOVE YOU` he replied ‘OKAY’. I was shocked and I understood there is somebody next to him. I was sure it was a woman.
The next morning I went to Ned’s apartment. He had a headache because last night he has been so drunk… Ned told me that he slept at his friend’s house. I was sure it was a girl…
For the next two nights the same thing happened. Then the fourth one Ned told me: “Baby there is another girl in my life and I want you to help me to forget her”. I was so amazed, I was so sad, so shocked… I knew there has been another girl because he has deleted my phone number and my pictures from his cell and he had scars on his neck FROM KISSES! So I left him …. FOR 2 DAYS. Then Ned came to my house and he said that he loves me and he had left the other girl… He told me that there was no sex between her and him. I didn’t believe. I don’t believe till today. I’m sure something has happened back then. My heart was broken and it still is. I never trusted Ned again. It’s been 9 months and I still can’t forget that and I still don’t know the truth.
Now things between me and Ned are so impossible… We are fighting every day about everything. I think the love between us disappeared that summer. I think our relationship is ruined. We break up every week, we go out less, and we don’t share the same pure love…
Everything is so dirty, so messed up, so broken.
What am I suppose to do? What would you do? Why are we together? Should we be? What is pulling me back to him?
