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aestar101
No Soup for You! Speaker of the Forum

 Gender:  Age: 14 Joined: 22 Jan 2008 Posts: 681 Reviews: 130 Country: atop a cloud 434 Points
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Posted: Sun Apr 27, 2008 2:01 am Post subject: Dido's Sonnet |
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I
It’s a day of question.
A day that confuses me so
When I look out to see the port,
I see ships.
It frightens me.
Who are these people?
Robbers,
Pirates from another land
Sent to burn my city to ashes.
But yet I’m still curious about these foreigners,
Whatever their intentions.
I walk out of my palace.
I bring my closest servant and guards.
The sky is black as ebony.
There are chill running up and down my spine.
Are these enemies?
My gut says to run back.
But I’m a queen.
I will endure even if it is my last blink.
I wait to the temple and kneel to Juno
Praying humbly to protect me.
I hear a thumping.
Is it them?
I get up.
This is it
The boat of fate starts here.
I take a look.
They don’t seem like pirates.
They are just men,
Bruised,
Hurt,
And coarse.
Each of them has a beaten expression painted on their face.
By a terrible artist of pain
And suffering.
Whoever sculpts this evil,
Please, let it cease.
I pray to Juno that the artist drops his brush of darkness and his black canvas.
A blanket of empathy falls on me as their leader tells their story of the war.
Their city in ruins.
No place to go.
I tell them that I can take them anywhere.
Italy,
Sicily,
Or stay here in my beloved city of Carthage.
They decide to stay the night.
Maybe there is hope of protection for my city.
II
My stomach feels fluttery.
A sanctum of 10,000 flutters in my stomach.
What is happening to me?
Mirages dance though my mind like a terpsichorean
But it is not the sight of a mirage that weakens me it is the subject of my imagery.
The man from Troy,
They call him Aeneas.
He enthralls me so.
A rush of emotion,
But am I being unfaithful.
My late husband in the Underworld,
Juno, bless his heart.
For he didn’t deserve to die and
He doesn’t deserve my mental adultery.
The thoughts of my own wickedness are like a million stabs to my stomach.
But my stomach aches for Aeneas.
I turn to my sister.
I want to make sense of things
My sister, Anna usually helps, but this time the sound of her reason didn’t quench my desire
“This is not love” she says
“They are just protection” she says
“Don’t fraternize with our allies” she says
These warnings don’t help.
I’m still curious
I want to see for myself.
I want to feel love again myself.
I stomp to the room of Aeneas
I know what I want.
My dignity falls to my feet.
Desperation is on my face.
I get there and he looks at me with those beautiful dark eyes.
I drop to his feet
I try to pick up all the pieces of pride.
But they drop and break like beach glass.
I collapse like avalanche.
I surrender
I admit
I’m in love
The rest is history.
III
The foreigners resided in my city for a blissful year.
They fought our fights and my city is safe.
Aeneas and I love like the sun and the sky.
Him and I
I’m living in my own fancy.
Everyday is joyful.
Aeneas brings warmth in my heart.
But when I woke up,
I got the feeling that I’ll get hurt today.
I look out and see them loading the ships.
This can’t be.
I burst outside
Running
There is nothing to lose.
“Aeneas” I yell
I wonder why he’s so hard.
He has hurt my soul.
He says the gods came to him in a dream
And he has to leave me.
I thought that he loved me.
My face kept on twisting
Trying to keep the tears back
I cry as I see him set sail
Quickly love turns into utter loathing and hatred.
I’ll show that half- wit for leaving me.
I can’t believe I fell into his trap.
It was a plot to break my heart.
How I could have been such a fool.
Lens of rose has covered my eyes for twelvemonths.
Aeneas
The name of betrayal, a sly fox, deceiver of minds
He is not so kind
His name won’t pass my lips
I go to my sister Anna.
All I request is a favor.
She helps me to create a funeral pile.
We whisk all of the trinkets that remind me of him.
I place them on the ground,
Except one thing…
A dagger
Sharp and silver,
I touch the blade.
Perfect.
I look at my dear sister and say last words.
They say that people are fools for love
But I’m a victim of love.
For you
For arriving in my city,
Expecting to cause eternal pain,
As I raise the dagger to the sky
It catches some light.
The Fates has sealed my life
It blinds me as I drive it through my throat.
I smell smoke as I drop into Anna’s arms
IV
The next moment I’m in the Underworld
Riding the River Styx,
I look into the river.
I see souls,
Screaming for help,
Soon I’ll be one of them.
My boat stops at a forest.
I jump off
As soon as I step into the forest,
I see my late husband.
I whisper in his ear and run off into the forest with him.
It is a couple days later.
And I’m wandering though the forest.
Then my face turns white,
My heart stops.
I’m speechless.
I see him.
He approaches me in just as much shock as I.
He falls to my feet, crying
Words spill out of his mouth like a waterfall
But my pride doesn’t falter or diminish.
Actually my pride greatens.
I stand tall.
Looking down on him,
Pathetic.
When he finished,
I retaliated.
He is the reason that I’m here.
I want him to feel the pain I felt when he left,
But the difference with my departure is that I am leaving
For good
Leaving him there to mourn his loss,
What could have been,
But what could been is,
Too late |
_________________ Character is what you have left when you've lost everything you can lose. - Evan Esar
Like my opinions a lot? Let me critique you. http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/topic29146.html |
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zeppy♥yozora
Junior Writer

 Gender:  Age: 13 Joined: 15 Apr 2008 Posts: 30 Reviews: 12 Country: United States 182 Points
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Posted: Sun Apr 27, 2008 2:16 pm Post subject: |
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This was pretty good, a little confusing though and i think
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| The Fates has sealed my life |
is supposed to be the fates have sealed my life, im not sure though, i'm not to up on my greek mythology. |
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aestar101
No Soup for You! Speaker of the Forum

 Gender:  Age: 14 Joined: 22 Jan 2008 Posts: 681 Reviews: 130 Country: atop a cloud 434 Points
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Posted: Sun Apr 27, 2008 2:25 pm Post subject: |
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| Oh the Fates are godessess that figure out how long someone's going to live, when they are going to die, their future, etc. |
_________________ Character is what you have left when you've lost everything you can lose. - Evan Esar
Like my opinions a lot? Let me critique you. http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/topic29146.html |
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Sometimesinbetween
Writer

 Gender:  Age: 16 Joined: 19 Jan 2008 Posts: 75 Reviews: 27 Country: Mudhole, USA 466 Points
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Posted: Mon Apr 28, 2008 3:46 pm Post subject: |
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I really liked this!
The only thing I caught was this:
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| I wait to the temple and kneel to Juno |
Was it supposed to be 'at' the temple rather than 'to' the temple?
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| I pray to Juno that the artist drops his brush of darkness and his black canvas. |
Loved this line!
Excellent job!
-Sometimes- |
_________________ "I do not believe an author has truly succeeded unless or until he has caused his readers to laugh and to weep."
-Anonymous |
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ambercoultis
at her home away from home Master of the Forum

 Gender:  Age: 13 Joined: 29 Mar 2008 Posts: 1956 Reviews: 105 Country: Misery of the USA(Missouri) 358 Points
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Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 12:44 am Post subject: |
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Very beautiful. I didn't catch a single misstake but that may be that my eyes aren't sharp enuff.*shrug*
I loved how the naration on how she got back at the man for breaking her heart by going away and then when he says he's sorry she rejects him because he's the reason why she's there.
It almost sunded to much like a story but I guess in these you don't have to tell or type as much. |
_________________ Bone dead. Brain dead. All dead. That sum up dead for you?
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