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Snowfall in Israel
Snowfall in Israel

by Kylan in Science-Fiction
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Science-Fiction

This thread was created on April 23, 2008
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When the World Stops Spinning: Prologue
When the World Stops Spinning: Chapter 1
When the World Stops Spinning: Chapter 2
When the World Stops Spinning: Chapter 3
When the World Stops Spinning: Chapter 4
When the World Stops Spinning Chapter: 5
When the World Stops Spinning Chapter: 6

When the World Stops Spinning: Prologue
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Church   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 23, 2008 8:31 pm    Post subject: When the World Stops Spinning: Prologue Reply with quote

Prologue Part 2: The Boy With All the Theories

March 10, 1989, the anniversary of the discovery, a boy was born in Dewey Oklahoma. His name was Alexander. He went to a new home with his parents, John and Linda Montgomery. His infancy and childhood gave no sign or warning of what future was to be sprung upon him. He was sixteen when he took interest in Ecology, more specifically, the theory of Global Warming.

He never liked or agreed with what the best scientists in the world had to say about the subject. He always had his own theories, and as he became older he would revise or substitute his theories for newer more plausible ones. At first he believed the problem was in the carrying capacity of the Earths human population. He soon abandoned that theory all together. In 2009, Global Warming hit a climax. It broke off a thirty-two mile chunk of Antarctica. A category five hurricane, nicknamed Ron, completely laid waste to the east coast. The worst came a month later. The jet stream came to a crawl and brought widespread drought and flooding to random parts of the world. The North Atlantic Current shifted and began a backwards cycle causing already serious problems to escalate to never before seen levels. The apocalypse was on the doorstep and humanity’s days were numbered.

Alexander had several theories of what was causing this but no solutions. He needed to know where the truth of the starting point was and how to stop it. The solution would come from a most unlikely source. Most that survive until 2012 called this source true fate, destiny, or coincidence. Whatever it truly was, It was their only last hope.


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PostPosted: Sat Apr 26, 2008 7:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Me again to check out your work.

1) I like this better than the other half of the Prologue

2) This half is written better, and it sounds like you at least know what you're talking about

3) below are my suggestions, ect

Have fun Smile

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Prologue Part 2: The Boy With All the Theories ------- decent title ------

March 10, 1989, the anniversary of the discovery, ------------- I think he should be younger. . . but that's just me ------------ a boy was born in Dewey Oklahoma. His name was Alexander. He went to a new home with his parents ------- what? Is that needed? "he went to a new home" that just sounds illy. . . ---------, John and Linda Montgomery. His infancy and childhood gave no sign or warning of what future was to be sprung upon him. He was sixteen when he took interest in Ecology, more specifically, the theory of Global Warming.

He never liked or agreed with what the best scientists in the world had to say about the subject. ----------- use his actual name sometimes, instead of always "he" ---------- He always had his own theories, and as he became older he would revise or substitute his theories for newer more plausible ones. At first he believed the problem was in the carrying capacity of the Earths human population. He soon abandoned that theory all together.

--------- new topic, new paragraph ---------- In 2009, Global Warming hit a climax. It broke off a thirty-two mile chunk of Antarctica. A category five hurricane, nicknamed Ron, completely laid waste to the east coast. -------- you could have the effects these events caused, in here - it'd be interesting to read about the devastation and everyone dying ---------- The worst came a month later. The jet stream came to a crawl -------- for those who don't know what the jet stream is, please explain ---------------- and brought widespread drought and flooding to random parts of the world. The North Atlantic Current shifted and began a backwards cycle causing already serious problems to escalate to never before seen levels. The apocalypse was on the doorstep and humanity’s days were numbered.

Alexander had several theories of what was causing this but no solutions. He needed to know where the truth of the starting point was and how to stop it. The solution would come from a most unlikely source. Most that survive until 2012 called this source true fate, destiny, or coincidence. Whatever it truly was, It was their only last hope. ------------ last 2 sentences sound a bit... silly -----------

------------------------------------------------

Love it.

*off to read chapter one*

Cheers, Jhai

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PostPosted: Fri May 02, 2008 4:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Church.

My comments from part 1 stands.

I also think you should combine the two parts; prologues are rarely a two-part affair, and they are short enough that combining them would leave the piece of a tolerable length.

--King

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