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This thread was created on April 15, 2008
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Rain Drop Goto page Previous 1, 2
Topic ID: 28892
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Matt Bellamy
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 Posted: Fri Apr 18, 2008 6:54 pm Post subject: |
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| Very cute! I think it would look nicer if there were some capitalization, though. And I don't like that it dies, I would prefer it if it perhaps, rested on the ground, had a lie down, a bit of a relax perhaps? The ending is lovely, and the whole poem makes the raindrop sound so alone, even though it would be falling with lots of other raindrops. Perhaps you could elaborate on that effect. But whatever you do, keep that last line exactly as it is, it's perfect. |
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Clockwerk Goblin
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| Posted: Fri Apr 25, 2008 5:04 am Post subject: |
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Overeasy, many things have been said about this and I agree with most of them. I like the way that you described the rain drop falling onto the Earth, but what purpose are you fulfilling?
It looks like metaphors are what is missing in this poem. |
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Cat_Lover_23
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| Posted: Sat Apr 26, 2008 9:29 pm Post subject: |
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| I loved that! Thought I wasn't sure how raindrops spiral, the ending really finished it off well. Well done all together! |
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| This thread was created on April 15, 2008 |
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