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A Hug
A Hug

by December Nights in Lyric Poetry
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Other Poetry

This thread was created on April 14, 2008
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Alone
Topic ID: 28828
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SimonCowellLuver   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 14, 2008 10:57 pm    Post subject: Alone Reply with quote

You start off with friends,

then your group keeps on getting;

smaller and smaller every year.

Soon you will be alone.



Have you ever been lost?

You don't know if you ever will fit in.

Well try your best to keep on trying,

if not you will be alone for the rest of your school year.



I got some friends,

but not many.

I really enjoy talking with them because,

they are all i have.



My friends are sweet and very friendly.

They cheer me up when i need cheering.

My friends are there for me but when i am at school,

its like they don't want to talk to me.



Maybe because they are in a higher grade,

or they just might be using me.

If they are doing things like that i rather be alone.

So that is how it will stay.



So if you ever need me.

If you need help.

Get some one else.

I just want to be alone.

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blacktiger3915   View This User's Portfolio
It's the eye of the tiger!
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 15, 2008 4:20 pm    Post subject: Re: Alone Reply with quote

SimonCowellLuver wrote:
You start off with friends,
then your group keeps on getting; (Why the colon?)
smaller and smaller every year.
Soon you will be alone.

Have you ever been lost?
You don't know if you ever will fit in.
Well try your best to keep on trying,
if not you will be alone for the rest of your school year. (Capitalize if.)

I got some friends, (I have some friends)
but not many.
I really enjoy talking with them because,
they are all i have. (I)

My friends are sweet and very friendly.
They cheer me up when i need cheering. (I)
My friends are there for me but when i am at school, (I)
its like they don't want to talk to me.

Maybe because they are in a higher grade,
or they just might be using me.
If they are doing things like that i rather be alone. (I)
So that is how it will stay.

So if you ever need me.
If you need help. (comma not period)
Get some one else.
I just want to be alone.



I think you have something good going on here, but I think you need to revise this. Anyway, best wishes.

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Love takes courage.
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God   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 15, 2008 4:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

i like the idea, it presents an interesting question... not sure what though. but it needs more poetry to it, instead of just reciting... i dont know, im probably wrong, but thats what i think.

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This thread was created on April 14, 2008

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