This is a story based off of my life, however some details were changed slightly.
Warning: this chapter deals with graphic rape. It will become a love story of sorts but for starters it is not all happy and lovey. Just thought I would warn you.
Bad Girls Need Love Too
Chapter 1
Isn’t it funny how years can turn you into what you swore you would never be? When I was ten I promised myself I would never smoke, yet here I sit taking drag after drag off of a cheap cigarette. I breathe in and savor the flavor of smoke in my lungs, the bitter taste playing on my tongue. I told myself time and time again I would never be like her, my mother. Yet I look in the mirror and I am the spitting image of what I used to despise.
I suppose it’s not fair to start you off in the middle of my story, so let’s take a moment to go back in time and take a look. Maybe I can answer some of my own questions about how I became who I am today.
March 23, 2002.
(11 years old)
I walked through the park impatiently, the constant Washington rain beating down on me. My hair was drenched; the hood on my sweatshirt wet all the way through. ‘I’m sure I look just great.’ I told myself with a sigh.
They were late, again. I shouldn’t have been surprised, they were always late. Stupid boys. John and Aaron were supposed to meet me at the park over an hour ago, and yet they weren’t there. My mind kept telling me to just walk to John’s house, it wasn’t that far away and I was positive his mother would let me in. But the idea of walking up the hill to get there seemed too daunting.
I kicked a rock with my toe and watched it skip along the ground. My fingers were cold, and shoving them into my damp pockets just wasn’t helping anymore. I growled in frustration and started off towards the bathroom, hoping to find a hand dryer to stick my sweatshirt under. I opened the door and was shocked to find a man standing there.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I must have walked into the wrong bathroom.” I told him apologetically.
I backed away from him, searching with my hand behind me to find the door. Before I could get there he grabbed me, gripping my arms hard. Something about the crazed look in his eyes terrified me, I realized I was shaking.
“Please, let me go. I didn’t do anything bad I swear.” I sobbed.
He laughed at me then; still I didn’t understand what was going on. I didn’t know what this man wanted with me, my innocence showing far too much.
He threw me to the floor and I hit my knee hard before I fell completely. He covered me with his large body, the physical contact making me feel sick. I felt him trying to roll me over and I kicked out with my legs as hard as I could. My tiny body not strong enough to fight him off.
Again he laughed at me, threading his fingers through my hair and pulling hard. I cried out, pain lacing up my spine. His other hand was pulling my pants down, and still in the back of my mind I had no idea what was going on. No one had ever laid a hand on me before, and my confusion was evident to him.
“I’m going to make you a woman.” He whispered to me. His voice sent a shiver through me.
It took him a while, but finally he had me naked beneath him. I struggled against him still, but to no avail. I felt something pushing against my private parts, and then came the pain. Unlike anything I had ever felt before.
The man rubbed his hands all over my face and body. “You are such a pretty little girl.” He told me.
I whimpered but didn’t say anything, in my mind I begged God to strike this man down before me. But nothing happened. When he finished he told me I was his favorite so far. Then he left me lying there.
For hours after that I lay sobbing on the floor. Finally I got up to get dressed, trying to cover my body with my sopping wet clothes.
I wish I had known then that things would only get worse after that.
