Topic ID: 27838
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| Why do you read poems? |
| To get critique points |
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16% |
[ 2 ] |
| To understand those around you |
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0% |
[ 0 ] |
| I don't know |
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8% |
[ 1 ] |
| Other (please post answer with critique) |
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75% |
[ 9 ] |
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| Total Votes : 12 |
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| Author |
Message |
sodapop
Novice
Gender: 
Age: 15
Joined: 28 Mar 2008
Posts: 12
Reviews: 6
300 Points
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 Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 10:41 pm Post subject: But You Can't See In |
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Crituque what you can....poems are hard to critique, but easy to enjoy. any feedback wanted. needed.
But You Can't See In
White galaxies float to your face,
their wings dissolve into the air.
The ground moves beneath you,
while you watch smoke turn red in the sky.
Stars of ember burn your eyes,
when they fall to the ground.
The ground itself becomes a waterfall,
and you fall into the middle of the world
Suspended
Unmoving
Until the fire burns through your heart,
and you realize why you are alive. |
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bkwrm
Writer
Gender:
Age: 15
Joined: 07 Mar 2007
Posts: 96
Reviews: 78
Country: England
300 Points
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| Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 10:49 pm Post subject: |
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I read poems becuase they can be beautiful in a way that prose cannot. They sort of capture a feeling and then set it free in words. If that makes sense. Which it doesn't. Never mind. Don't pay any attention to my strange rambling.
Your poem is lovely. It reminds me of the picture of Earth (you know the one) for some reason - sort of distant and there at the same time. Oh dear, this critique makes absolutely no sense. hmm...
Well it was good and I liked it.
Keep writing (and try to write more coherently than I do!)
Bkwrm  |
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Firearris
The YWS Vampire
Master of the Forum
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1011 Points
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| Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 10:50 pm Post subject: |
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Wow, this is interesting. I don't see any spelling or grammar mistakes, so cross that out. This is nice. At first you don't understand what this is abut, but the end clears it up.  I picked "Other" on the poll. I read poems, because I enjoy them, and also I like to critique them. Also, I don't crit them for the points or the count, I crit them to help the author. I usually Critique better than this one, but I didn't have as much to work with and there aren't really any mistakes that I can see.
~Fire |
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OverEasy
I are cute O.O
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Country: The Lovely Hills of BubbleYum!
325 Points
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| Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 10:51 pm Post subject: |
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First: I love the descriptions here, they are very interesting.
Second: I read poetry because I enjoy it, and because I want to learn more and more about it. I love writing poetry, and my own poetry has improved greatly since coming on this site. |
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Zalex
Junior Writer
Gender:
Age: 14
Joined: 03 Jan 2008
Posts: 48
Reviews: 25
300 Points
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| Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 11:54 pm Post subject: |
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Very discriptive. I have said this before, you probably realize. Your poems confuse me at the beginning and that's what I love about them! They are really good!
Good Job!
Zalex |
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Joeducktape
Band-Aid Hater
Novelist
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Age: 15
Joined: 21 Dec 2005
Posts: 420
Reviews: 103
Country: Some town in Tennessee where people over-decorate for random holidays.
300 Points
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| Posted: Sat Mar 29, 2008 12:41 am Post subject: |
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Callie, that was wonderful. Your talent makes me jealous. -_-
As for the poll, I picked other. I definitely agree with what bkwrm said about the beauty of poems. Plus, the more you read it, the better you write it. |
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omgafilangi
Senior Writer
Gender:
Age: 16
Joined: 10 Jan 2008
Posts: 164
Reviews: 66
Country: the twilight zone
300 Points
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| Posted: Sat Mar 29, 2008 1:46 am Post subject: |
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I read poetry because I write poetry, and I write poetry because I read it. Basically poetry itself is like a whole separate emotion, and it's nice sometimes to find a poem that understands you. It can be like a friend. If any of that makes sense, let me know.... *sheepish grin*
Critique: Great use of language! You seem to know what you're doing. It was a little ambiguous I'll admit, but I think it came through in the last couple lines. Very nicely executed, keep it up |
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Kenpachi Masamune
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300 Points
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| Posted: Sat Mar 29, 2008 3:42 am Post subject: |
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| A bit too unstructured, it went for the 'deep' approach, but came off a little sidetracked and too long to keep the initial awe when you break the form and go to the last four lines. Interesting that it had no set direction or mood, and came off so well. Kudos on that. |
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aestar101
No Soup for You!
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434 Points
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| Posted: Sat Mar 29, 2008 3:42 pm Post subject: |
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I read poems because I like peoples' perspectives.
I like the depth and imagry in this poem. I can imgane what happens in my brain. One of my favorates. |
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Gadi.
OBAMA FOR PREZ
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618 Points
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| Posted: Tue Apr 01, 2008 12:06 am Post subject: |
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Very unexpected. This was delicious, like a feel-good indie movie in a very random week when you are struggling with the meaning of life in etc. etc.
I like this. It's a little too kitsch, melodramatic almost--like the repetition of burn in the third and last stanzas.
Add more punctuation. For ex., "Suspended
Unmoving" should be
"Suspended,
Unmoving,"
Good job, though, overall. |
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ambercoultis
at her home away from home
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333 Points
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| Posted: Tue Apr 01, 2008 12:32 am Post subject: kool!!! |
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That is a very interesting peice. Ilike it.+.+
-em |
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Lil_Pau
Senior Writer
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393 Points
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| Posted: Tue Apr 01, 2008 10:37 am Post subject: |
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This is a good piece of work! When I first viewed it, it caught my interest straighaway. And that's what a good poem needs!
Keep up the good work! |
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casey_kent
God-breathed warrior♥♥♥
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1264 Points
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| Posted: Wed Apr 02, 2008 8:54 am Post subject: |
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I read poems to be enlightened. I read them to see what might other people feel.
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I liked your poem. I like the way you interpreted it in words. The poem's very interesting. |
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