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This thread was created on March 26, 2008
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Topic ID: 27769
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Kix39
Junior Writer
Gender: 
Age: 13
Joined: 24 Mar 2008
Posts: 22
Reviews: 10
300 Points
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 Posted: Thu Mar 27, 2008 1:26 am Post subject: Journey's vs Love |
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Please review, I want to get better and the only way I can do that is if you tell me how I did!
[b]Journeys always come and go,
But love seems to last forever,
But when the right person comes for you,
At the same time a journey comes in the door,
Who, what are you going to choose?
Journeys can end in sadness,
But love can end in fear
So when those two come through the door,
Which will you choose?
Which is near? |
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Angel of Death
Senior Writer
Gender:
Age: 13
Joined: 04 Nov 2007
Posts: 178
Reviews: 114
Country: Where the way to exist is to love
820 Points
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| Posted: Thu Mar 27, 2008 1:46 am Post subject: |
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I think you have something here. If you work on it a little it'll get better. Where it says
who, what are you going to choose?
I think that needs to go or maybe try to fix it.
With a little work this can be better. It has promise. PM me when you fix this. |
_________________
If you haven't discovered Cupid's Arrow then here are the links to the prologue, chapter 1, and part of chapter 2:
http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/topic22579.html
http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/topic24021.html
P.S. Call me Angel for short |
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blacktiger3915
Novelist
Gender:
Age: 17
Joined: 26 Nov 2007
Posts: 425
Reviews: 206
Country: Atlanta,GA USA
1005 Points
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| Posted: Thu Mar 27, 2008 12:09 pm Post subject: |
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I have to totally agree with Angel of Death. I see potential. Anyway, best wishes and good luck!  |
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Wife: Your mother has been dead for years.
Husband: Well, I guess I'll tell her myself then. |
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