Because my chapters are so short, I'm going to post two at a time, unless people think I should do otherwise. The actual story is set 320 years after the prologue, and you can read the story without reading the prologue, if you wish.
CHAPTER ONE
Carrie sat on a log in the field. It had fallen during the storm the previous night, and was still damp. Despite her status, she was dressed plainly, in loose cotton pants and a white top.
Her Husky, Caleb, was running a little away from her, and her mouse Paula sat in the bag she had strung around her shoulder.
The mansion in which Carrie lived was out of sight, despite how big it was. Caleb disappeared from Carrie’s sight for a few moments, but then came running back.
“Silly dog,” Carrie giggled, scratching behind the Husky’s ears. Caleb licked Carrie’s hand affectionately, and she took a piece of meat out of her bag and threw it in the air, laughing as the dog bounded off to get it.
Paula crawled onto Carrie’s shoulder, digging her claws into the skin. Carrie flinched and eased Paula’s claws out. There wasn’t any blood, just a scratch. Carrie put Paula on her knee and stroked her fur.
“Carrie, come inside!” Carrie turned her head. Her mother’s maid was standing on the top of the hill, beckoning to Carrie with her hands. Sighing, Carrie whistled for Caleb to come back and stood up, putting Paula on her shoulder gently.
Caleb came running back with the meat in his mouth. He padded softly next to Carrie as they headed up the hill and to the mansion. It was massive, with three stories. There was also a tennis court and a pool. And why could Carrie’s parents afford to live in such a grand dwelling? Because her father was an Earl and mother a Countess.
“Why do you have to spend so much time getting dirty?” Mrs. Beoux asked Carrie as the girl wandered into the large hallway where her mother was waiting. “You’re a terrible influence on your sister. Did you know she asked me for a sheepdog yesterday?”
Carrie smiled broadly. She was four years older than her sister, now ten, and was adored by the younger girl. They also had a baby brother who spent most f his time eating, crying and sleeping.
“Go and get changed,” Mrs. Beoux said. “And take your time. We are going to the palace tonight.”
Carrie rolled her eyes.
“Do I have to go? William will just be trying to impress me again. He doesn’t understand the meaning of go away!”
Carrie was supposed to marry Prince William, somebody she hated with a passion, but somebody she would be forced to spend the rest of her life with.
“Yes you have to go,” Mrs. Beoux snapped. “How would it look if we showed up without you? Now march young lady!”
Reluctantly, Carrie turned and walked p two flights of stairs to her bedroom where a selection of dresses had been laid out. Not wanting to think about it, Carrie grabbed the first dress, a dark green one that had thin straps and stuck close to her body, and slipped it on. Mechanically, she walked over to her dresser and put on makeup and brushed her hair before turning on her curling iron at the switch.
“Carrie, can I play with Caleb?” a small voice asked. Carrie turned around and saw her younger sister in the doorway. She was wearing a light blue dress and her blonde hair was dead straight.
“Mother would butcher me if I let you,” Carrie said. “You can play with him afterwards.”
Kaya nodded and sat on Carrie’s bed, dangling her long legs.
“Is this another of Father’s meetings?” she asked. “Or is it actually going to be fun?”
Carrie laughed and finished curling her hair. It now cascaded down her back in waves.
“We’re going back to the palace, Kaya,” she said. “Of course it won’t be fun. Going to the palace is never fun.”
Kaya’s face dropped. Their mother was right, Carrie was a big influence of Kaya, but whether she was a good or a bad influence was in the eyes of the beholder.
“Come on. The sooner we get there the sooner we can leave.”
CHAPTER TWO
“Do you have a moment, Prince William?”
“Is everything ready?” I asked the servant. “Everything needs to be perfect.”
“Yes Prince William, everything is ready. You can go and inspect it for yourself, if you wish.”
I nodded and turned, heading to the dining hall where my family and the Beoux family would be dining tonight. It was a very important night. The night I would propose to Caroline Beoux.
“They’re here,” a voice giggled as I inspected the dinging hall. My little sister Lynette, or Lynn, was standing in the doorway, filing her nails. She looked up and smiled.
“What is she wearing?” I asked. Lynn was two years younger than me, and got on with Carrie a little better than I did, to my disappointment.
Lynn rolled her eyes.
“Come on, they’re waiting for us.”
I nodded and wiped my forehead on my sleeve. I always got nervous seeing Carrie, but knowing that I had to propose made it even worse. The only consolidation was the knowledge that I couldn’t be rejected, her mother would skin her alive if Carrie did that.
The family was in the parlour. Mother was there, talking to Mrs. Beoux, who was holding her baby, Gabriel. Mr. Beoux was standing in the corner with father, whisky glasses in their hands, and Carrie’s sister Kaya was reading a book on a couch. Carrie was sitting casually on the arm of the chair, looking fed up. She didn’t smile when Lynn came in. They weren’t great friends, they just got on. In fact, Carrie didn’t seem to have any proper friends. She had her dog and a mouse, but didn’t like to interact with people much.
“Hello Carrie,” Lynn said, sitting down next to her. Carrie was beautiful! I couldn’t take my eyes off her, but she barely glanced at me.
“Hi Lynn,” Carrie muttered, and stuck her hand inside her purse. I guessed that her mouse was in there, but there wasn’t any movement.
I walked over to my sister and my to-be fiancé, clearing my throat.
“May I escort you to dinner, Carrie?” I asked, sticking out my arm. Carrie looked up at her mother and reluctantly nodded. She slipped off the couch in one graceful movement and took my arm. We walked into the dining hall and I pulled out her chair. She didn’t even look at me.
“So Caroline,” Father asked over dinner. “How are you? Have you thought about your future at all? Do you know who you want to marry?”
I exchanged glances with Lynn as Carrie opened her mouth.
“I’ve been much to concerned with my studies and magic lessons to think about my future, sir.”
Father nodded.
“Good, good. You must keep up with your lessons. And how is your magic coming along? You were always very talented, perhaps you could put on a show for us this evening.”
Carrie blushed.
“I’m not that good, sir,” she muttered.
Feedback questions:
1. What characters do you like/not like?
2. Do you think posting two chapters at once is a good idea, or should I just do one?
I just don't feel connected with them at all. I can relate with Carrie, but only because I'm a little like her (love animals, being alone, etc) but you really don't let us inside their heads or hearts to let us know what they're thinking and feeling. Try to use the first person more to your advantage, to let us feel like the character -- know his faults and charms, his weaknesses and awkwardnesses. make us pity him, love him, hate him all at once. Frankly, we need to BE your character when we're reading about the. 
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