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thunder_dude7
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 Posted: Tue Mar 04, 2008 10:45 pm Post subject: A new story idea |
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This takes place in a medieval like environment.
The kingdom of Caval has a powerful army, and is the most powerful kingdom in the world in terms of military. It has a somewhat simple system of putting a person in the army: They are examined by a skilled mage who determines what type of military unit they will serve as. They then take classes, some generic to all types of units, like how to most effectively use their weapon of choice, and some designed for their type, like flying lessons for pegusus riders. They progress through the classes at their own pace, and the teacher will eventually graduate them from the class. When they have graduated from all of their required classes, they are allowed to join the army, or take more optional classes.
Three students, Daniel, Allison, and Elizabeth, Join in, thinking they will join the army and be normal soldiers. Soon, however, a strange dsease begins to infect people. They are taken to the hospital, of course, but always disappear. It is soon noticed that the second most powerful army, the kingdom of Furfante, is becoming larger. Daniel, Allison, and Elizabeth soon find out how the disease is working, but nobody believes them. tThey must find the sourse of the disease and help defeat Furfante.
My primary concern right now is the schooling style. To much like Harry Potter is what I'm a little worried about, and I also have the strange feeling this exact story has already been done. What do you think? |
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Periwinkle
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| Posted: Tue Mar 04, 2008 11:33 pm Post subject: |
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I don't think it sounds Harry Potter like....They're not mages, and fantasy schools have been done and still can be written without being cliche.
This isn't exactly my cup of tea, I'm not exactly into more medieval fantasy (at least it sounds like that to me from your summary), but I wouldn't abandon it. You have a nice skeleton...just start writing and see if you can get it somewhere. |
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thunder_dude7
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| Posted: Wed Mar 05, 2008 12:22 am Post subject: |
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| It is medievil, but, as I mentioned breifly in the summary, there are pegusi. There are mages(but they don't use wands. or books. I working on some ideas now.), as well as dragons. I'm working on some other possibilities. |
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Sleeping Valor
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| Posted: Wed Mar 05, 2008 12:42 am Post subject: |
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I'm glad your question is about the classes, because that was what I was going to comment on. It doesn't sound HP-ish, but it does sound like it could easily not work for you.
But before I get to that, I was wondering: how strict is this army? Do they take themselves seriously? Is a war about to happen? I ask because their 'advance at your own pace' system seems pretty slack for a serious army.
Right, about classes. I think you need to think about your characters. Honestly, HP isn't about the classes at all. It's about what's happening between them. You'd obviously have to explain the system, but after that you might not be mentioning the classes very often, except for maybe focussing on classes where plot relevant stuff happens.
About the 'cliche'. There are lots of stories about people going off to classes and training for something. Truckloads of them. Your idea about the illness is new, I've never seen it before and it sounds pretty cool. That is your focus. Don't focus on the classes, they're sort of background, really. Oh, and the characters. It's mostly about the characters. Their feelings, dramas, experiences, struggles. That kind of stuff. I wouldn't worry about your whole 'goes off to train in school' being cliche, because no matter what you do it will be. But so is almost every other idea. it's all about presentation.
You've already got one element that makes your story original, what else can you add?
Hmm, on second thought, if I were you, I'd cut the 'class' idea. I mean, yes, they have to train, but maybe not make it so cliche as having little classes like in a school system. Think military. It would be more like boot-camp, no? *has never been to boot-camp, so wouldn't know*
If that last bit made no sense: Your idea = good, just try and move away from the conventional (and cliche) 'bunch of kids go off to classes that follow the typical structure for classes' bit. |
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thunder_dude7
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| Posted: Wed Mar 05, 2008 1:04 am Post subject: |
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Boot camp, eh? Sounds good, I'll do that.
I'm thinking mages will get their power from small orbs.
My plan is for Daniel to be able to turn into a bird(Likely a small one at first, but get bigger later), Elizabeth will be a wind mage(later riding on Daniel's back), and Allison will be a pegusus knight and use axes.
What do you think about that? |
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Sleeping Valor
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| Posted: Wed Mar 05, 2008 1:35 am Post subject: |
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Minus the name pagasus knight, it sounds good. But you might want to think about your magic and stuff. It sounds like people can do just about anything, which is fine so long as you present it right. Most important, though, is characters. ^_^
It will be better (kidding, this is just me being dramatic) if Allison likes Daniel, and he kind of likes her, except when Alizabeth starts riding him when he's a bird he starts to like her, thus creating friction!! XD No, but don't do that. Very confusing and messed up. =P |
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thunder_dude7
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| Posted: Wed Mar 05, 2008 1:49 am Post subject: |
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I'll think of something for pugusus knight.
I assure that they can't do anything they want, the magic is extremely limited to blasting wind, fire, water, and thunder, and they become better at it.
Maybe I could have Elizabeth and some other girl(not I just don't like the idea) both like Daniel...that would be interesting...Perhaps Daniel only likes...hehe...this will be interesting...
Anyway, thanks for the advice. |
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khfan890
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| Posted: Wed Mar 05, 2008 1:51 am Post subject: |
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| I kind of like your idea, actually, especially the part about the disease. I want to know how they find this out and everything. I don't have much input, but I have to agree with Sleeping Valor in the fact that you shouldn't dwell on the classes unless they advance the plot or something. Good luck with this if you do it! |
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thunder_dude7
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| Posted: Wed Mar 05, 2008 11:43 am Post subject: |
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Cool new idea:
Elizabeth is Daniel's sister, and she hates Allison, but Daniel and she later become boyfriend/girlfriend!
Anyway, thanks for the advice. I'll write up a prolouge/chapter 1(not sure yet), and just do it along with The Elements. |
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Gahks
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| Posted: Wed Mar 05, 2008 11:47 am Post subject: |
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You don't need to include much of the fantasy school stuff, most of it can centre on the disease's spread. I mean, that's what the main source of conflict is, right?
It's an interesting idea. Would like to see some initial writing.
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thunder_dude7
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| Posted: Sat Mar 08, 2008 4:06 am Post subject: |
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| Thanks for the help. The first chapter is going up in the fantasy fiction board as soon as I finish this post. Thanks again |
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