*bows* Thanks for reading. It's been fun.
^_^ Keek out!
z
Feedback Questions
1) What do you think of Judge Esten? Does she seem like a realistic character?
2) Do you feel the story could benefit from more description? If so, where?
3) Do you feel you have an acceptable understanding of what's going on? Do you think there was a lack of explanation? Were there elements you'd like to understand better? Or was there too much telling and not enough showing?
4) Did you find parts of the story so far confusing? (ex: the fact I didn't name the souls)
5) Did you find this at all interesting? =P Should I try and get more of a hook in there at the beginning? *feels like the story starts off very slowly*
6) I changed the title from Diary of a Villain to Trial of a Villain. I don't like it; I think DoaV was more interesting. Thoughts?? (*is working on a new and better one as soon as it comes to her*)
Sorry there are so many questions. This is a new take on DoaV so I have a lot of questions about what people think. I'm open to all other input, of course. ^_^
Feedback Questions for old readers
1) What do you think of the changes I've made? Do you think it has promise?
Also, unless it was for a specific reason, I think it would be better to put the section in first person after the part about the souls, instead of sliced in between.
Yes! This is so great. It honestly makes for a bit more of an interesting beginning in my opinion. Very nice job.
Kyte wrote:To be honest, I don't like the change. I mean, "administrating" heaven and hell? And no, souls don't choose where they go.
MidnightVampire wrote:The tittle didn't pick me up as much, but it does make more sense than DoaV, because there isn't a diary anymore. But, if you could think of a more catchy name, then that would be lovely.
the seven hundredth Soul Transition Station
The line went all the way along the short “Next,” she sighed,
Esten had been born during the 21st century on the third ‘sentient’ world of the six hundred and twenty-third universe. Her office reflected the era she had grown in, with modernized chairs, lamps and a glow lamp on in the corner. Since the seven hundredth universe was still in its early years, the environment was entirely alien to the souls who came to her daily. Luckily, this universe had magic, so they did not cower away from the electric lights as she’d learned souls tended to do in other universes.
the presence of mind to define themselves as male or female.
At the station in her universe, there had been greeters who worked under the reaper who explained these simple things to the spirits when they arrived, but this universe was too new; the station only counted the Reaper, two under reapers, three hundred case workers who came and went, and Esten herself.
The reapers, to Esten’s annoyance, had the responsibility of ferrying the souls to their respective places.
responsible to watching the souls
Esten gaped.
…
Esten frowned.
you would ear years in hell
I will take it’s content
There was a man with a pitch fork through his stomach lying on the floor, after all.
Esten realized, wit annoyance, that this was a full case.
There allowed her to see a soul's ‘acts’ in colors
and almost instantly the second was at her side
hated about coupled[/red]
“You’re next.” She said. The male soul hesitated, but took the chair while his partner floated off to the side.
Someone had [color=red]sent too much time
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