Stop The Scrolling Header | Enable the Scrolling Header

Young Writers Society
News:  

The Top 25!

Favorite part of writing?
Username:    Password:      Log me on automatically each visit    
Rage the day
Rage the day

by The Henry in Dramatic Poetry
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Action/Adventure Fiction

This thread was created on February 9, 2008
Post new topic   Reply to topic
Digg It Del.icio.us

Related Items
Possible Related Items Follow:
The Elements
The Elements
The Elements
The Elements
The Elements

The Elements

Topic ID: 25768
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
thunder_dude7   View This User's Portfolio
I am pure AWESOMNESS!!!111one
Master of the Forum

40
Gender: Gender:Male
Age: 13
Joined: 06 Oct 2007
Posts: 1825
Reviews: 40
Country: That one on the left...
627 Points

PostPosted: Sun Feb 10, 2008 3:56 am    Post subject: The Elements Reply with quote

Rated PG for violence. You can check my portfolio to see the other chapters. Enjoy!

Chapter 3- Battle of Suffering

Tor was the first to attack the girl, his defensive attitude taking over. He shot a gust of wind ahead of him in order to stun her before he attacked. His technique worked, and he grabbed her arm and spun her to the ground. As he was about to attack again, his foot was suddenly captured by a vine. It pulled his leg sharply into the ground, and he fell over. Similar vines crept over his body, entangling the struggling figure in a mass of green ivy. The girl stood up and faced the group.

Tenion and Earth attacked at once, fighting to protect their 7 year old brother. Tenion’s flame kept the girl’s plants at bay as Viti outmatched her in physical combat. But Tenion soon found himself thrown into a tree, leaving a large dent in it. The unconscious body fell to the ground. The girl turned around and used thorns to stun Viti as she tangled her and her brother in vines, as she had with Tor.

Crystal dashed out, and began firing a barrage of icy blasts. The girl was frozen, but she broke out and struck her to the ground. Cerulea quickly approached her sister and placed her hands carefully on her. Within seconds, Crystal was fighting again. The girl, however, distracted Crystal with a large vine as she tangled Cerulea. She then turned and summoned a storm of vines to entangle Crystal.

She turned to the only two people she had yet to trap: the 7 year old Rhys and the injured Liat. Neither would be able to fight her.

The girl smirked as she charged an orb of energy in her palms and fired the blast at Liat. The light enveloped the area.

The light faded, revealing the result of her blast.

Rhys lay there, beaten up by the blast.

“Wha-“ The girl began, but Rhys interrupted her.

“You won’t…” He said “Kill…Liat…”

The boy kept breathing, the girl staring at him.

A pain suddenly pierced her chest, and she fell to the ground, dead.

Liat stood behind her, one of her thorns in hand. He ran over to Rhys.

“Are you alright?” He said, holding the boy’s head up.

“Get them out of the vines…” He replied. Liat obeyed, and used the girl’s knife to cut the others free.

“Rhys!” Tenion and Viti screamed together. The boy’s breathing was strained.

“Guys…” He said “Thank you…for being there for me...”

“Rhys!” Tenion screamed “No! Don’t die!”

“It isn’t your fault…” He said. Tenion and Viti could feel the life slip out of the boy as his breathing stopped.

Rhys was dead.

Viti and Tenion looked back at the cross that marked their brother’s grave. They had ventured to the location where their older brother had died and buried Rhys next to him. They continued walking away, to the exit of the forest.

Crystal, meanwhile, looked back sadly at the mourning siblings. Viti’s braid was floating along with the rest of her dark, brown hair, and tears fell from her otherwise bright green eyes. Tenion’s eyes were already dark brown, but they almost had no color in them anymore. His black hair rested in the middle of his neck, not flowing back, despite their walking.

The branches hung particularly low in this area, and Tor’s light brown, spiky hair brushed against the branches. His pale brown eyes were stained with tears, no different from Liat’s. Liat had always wondered why he and his brother, twins, looked so different. Liat’s hair was dark brown and flat, unlike his brother’s. His eyes also were virtually black. Everything Liat was, his brother was not, and everything he wasn’t, Tor was.

Crystal, meanwhile, seemed strangely cheerful. Her blonde, curly hair floated briskly in the wind, and her teal eyes didn’t even have one tear. Cerulea sharply contrasted her, her hair strait, dark, and put into a pony tail.

Cerulea walked in front of the group, not daring to catch eye contact with anybody. Liat pretended to see the exit, rushing ahead, then stopped and said that it wasn’t there. He looked back at Cerulea, and managed to catch eye contact for a couple of seconds. Her dark blue eyes caught his, and they just stared as they walked on. Cerulea looked away, and the walked on. Little did anybody know that this fake gesture would change their entire adventure so dramatically.

“Look!” Tor said “The exit!” He was right. The doors stood open, welcoming the group. They ran to the exit, their feet pounding on the ground like a stampede of wild hogs. They all halted when they exited the doors. The man from before was there with a clip board.

“Congratulations,” the man said “You guys are the 73rd through 78th to make it out. Names, please?”

“Tor Tuolone.” Tor said quickly, a broad smile across his face. Oh, yeah! Who’s the best? Me!

Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website AIM Address
Aedomir   View This User's Portfolio
If you hate me press alt+f4.
Master of the Forum

370
Gender: Gender:Male
Age: 14
Joined: 19 Jan 2008
Posts: 1859
Reviews: 370
Country: The fantasy of limbo, but I call it England.
300 Points

PostPosted: Sun Feb 10, 2008 11:55 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hello there! Let's have a look now shall we?

'Tor was the first to attack the girl, his defensive attitude taking over.' If you were defensive, wouldn't you defend, not attack? Rephrase it 'Tor was the first to attack the girl, his defensive attitude taking over.' Also, I disliked 'attitude'.

I read the rest, and I liked it. The figt scenes wer vbery well structured, I thought this was a vrey successful piece!

Well done! Keep writing!

~D'Aedomir~

_________________
We are all Sociopaths: The Prologue

Sociopath: So • ci • o • path noun
1. Someone who believes their behaviour is right.
2. Human.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website MSN Messenger
Blue Fairy   View This User's Portfolio
The future's out to get you
Novelist

126
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 14
Joined: 28 Nov 2007
Posts: 294
Reviews: 126
Country: England!
300 Points

PostPosted: Wed Feb 20, 2008 6:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I read the rest, and I liked it. The figt scenes wer vbery well structured, I thought this was a vrey successful piece!
- Aed what's going on with this sentence Very Happy

I really enjoyed reading this. the grammer was fine and i loved the way you described each character.

Keep writing Smile
well done.

hope to read more soon

~Fairy

_________________
Formely known as Fairy_twinkletoes_13

Grab a pogo stick and come and....pogo with me!

Brains first, then hard work. That's the way to build a house- Eeyore
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Princess   View This User's Portfolio
Novelist

70
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 13
Joined: 25 Aug 2008
Posts: 267
Reviews: 70
Country: Candyland
593 Points

PostPosted: Tue Sep 16, 2008 12:09 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow.. This chapter was better than the last...The only thing i can say is that when Lilat did the fake exit thing, can you explain a little more please? how would it dramaticially effect the whole group? It was a little confusing.. Other then that, two thumbs up!

_________________
Got YWS?

I say "Lol" merely because I have no idea what you're talking about.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website Yahoo Messenger
Display posts from previous:   
This thread was created on February 9, 2008
Post new topic   Reply to topic
   Young Writers Society Forum Index » Action/Adventure Fiction All times are GMT
Page 1 of 1

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
You can attach files in this forum
You can download files in this forum
This thread was created on February 9, 2008

Graphics By Bobo | YWS Sword & Shield Logo by Bobo
Bartemius says, We are discreet sheep; we wait to see how the drove is going, and then go with the drove. - Mark Twain
Contact | Memberlist | Copyright Policy | YWS Store | Site Map
Facebook |  Goodreads |  Live Journal |  MySpace |  Wikipedia

© 2004 - 2008 The Young Writers Society