Topic ID: 25639
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scotty.knows
Rambo is god and Sylvester Stallone is his prophet Novelist

 Gender:  Age: 18 Joined: 17 Oct 2007 Posts: 305 Reviews: 115 Country: The Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave. USA! 300 Points
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Posted: Sat Feb 09, 2008 6:38 am Post subject: |
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Yeah, when they said double space, they meant double space your paragraphs.
Just for the hekkuvit, I'll put in an example.
I live in Idaho. It is the best state in the whole United States. There is no other place in the world like Idaho. I would not want to live any other place but Idaho.
The best part of Idaho is the people. Great people like Torrie Wilson, WWF Diva who fights in her underwear for your viewing entertainment; Scotty, most beautiful, charming, amazing person in the world; and Nate, the founder of YWS, all live- or at least were born- in Idaho.
W00t for Idaho.
That's kind of random, but that's what they mean by double space your paragraphs. |
_________________ If you only do what you know you can do- you never do very much.
-Tom Krause
If you don't get out of my face, I'll varnish the floor with your brains.
-Yours Truly |
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keirab
Senior Writer

 Gender:  Age: 14 Joined: 01 Feb 2008 Posts: 189 Reviews: 57 Country: somewhere inside your head..*evil, maniacal laughter* 300 Points
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Posted: Sat Feb 09, 2008 6:02 pm Post subject: |
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Oh wow, this was hysterical. I laughed out loud multiple times. That just made my day.
Especially loved the part about Snow White going back to the dwarves and them saying "Hi ho"
Hahaha!
Loved it!  |
_________________ Sgt: Now, it's quite simple to defend yourself against a man armed with a banana. First of all you force him to drop the banana; then, second, you eat the banana, thus disarming him. You have now rendered him 'elpless.
Palin: What if he's got a bunch? |
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Aedomir
If you hate me press alt+f4. Master of the Forum

 Gender:  Age: 14 Joined: 19 Jan 2008 Posts: 1859 Reviews: 370 Country: The fantasy of limbo, but I call it England. 300 Points
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Posted: Sat Feb 09, 2008 6:23 pm Post subject: |
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Hello there!
I'm Mark nice to meet you! This is very good, I thought it was really funny. Very intersting take on a fairy tale! You really modernised it with a good comic twinge! I really like your style, so some more please!
There were parts in this where I laughed out loud! It was really good, and an excellent idea!
PM me when you do more or something similar!
Keep writing!
~D'Aedomir~ |
_________________ We are all Sociopaths: The Prologue
Sociopath: So • ci • o • path noun
1. Someone who believes their behaviour is right.
2. Human. |
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blacktiger3915
It's the eye of the tiger! Speaker of the Forum

 Gender:  Age: 18 Joined: 26 Nov 2007 Posts: 730 Reviews: 270 Country: Atlanta,GA USA 300 Points
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Posted: Mon Feb 11, 2008 6:03 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks, I appreciate the marvelous comments.  |
_________________ Don't send sheep to kill a wolf. |
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blacktiger3915
It's the eye of the tiger! Speaker of the Forum

 Gender:  Age: 18 Joined: 26 Nov 2007 Posts: 730 Reviews: 270 Country: Atlanta,GA USA 300 Points
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Posted: Thu Mar 13, 2008 4:32 pm Post subject: |
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Another story like this will be coming out in around April or May. Get ready! If you have a suggestion on what you want me to do a spoof of, feel free to tell me.  |
_________________ Don't send sheep to kill a wolf. |
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KJ
She moves in mysterious ways... Speaker of the Forum

 Gender:  Age: 16 Joined: 04 Mar 2008 Posts: 644 Reviews: 466 Country: USA 170 Points
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Posted: Thu Mar 13, 2008 10:21 pm Post subject: |
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| Funny. |
_________________ I need critiques on my story Because: http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/topic36505.html
An author in his book must be like God in the universe, present everywhere and visible nowhere ~Gustave Flaubert |
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blacktiger3915
It's the eye of the tiger! Speaker of the Forum

 Gender:  Age: 18 Joined: 26 Nov 2007 Posts: 730 Reviews: 270 Country: Atlanta,GA USA 300 Points
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Posted: Tue Mar 18, 2008 11:54 am Post subject: |
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| Thanks KJ. |
_________________ Don't send sheep to kill a wolf. |
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Krupp
Novelist

 Gender:  Age: 20 Joined: 18 Mar 2008 Posts: 380 Reviews: 97 Country: Sunn O))) territory... 474 Points
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Posted: Tue Mar 18, 2008 7:34 pm Post subject: |
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| I honestly laughed my ass off. If this was suppose to be a greater piece of work or just for fun, I don't know. If it was serious then might I suggest a serious description of scenes? The only details are plot related. And while I thought it was funny, the dialog could use some reworking..harsh language alone may make something funny, but that's all it will do...especially if the language is excessive. |
_________________ I am what I am. |
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ashleylee
I want the friction... Master of the Forum

 Gender:  Age: 16 Joined: 13 Mar 2008 Posts: 1210 Reviews: 693 Country: some place that I can only dream about 960 Points
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Posted: Tue Mar 18, 2008 8:48 pm Post subject: |
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Nice job! Very humorous. I was smiling all the way through it, sometimes even bursting out in laughter occasionally. I love how you flipped the fairy tale side of things so it wasn't as cute and pretty as it normally is. Keep Writing! |
_________________ -Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart-
~William Wordsworth |
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Memento Mori
Senior Writer

 Gender:  Age: 15 Joined: 18 Mar 2008 Posts: 106 Reviews: 36 Country: I reside in a world my imagination dragged me into. 300 Points
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Posted: Wed Mar 19, 2008 8:24 am Post subject: |
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Great story! I love it, but Prince Charming is a little vulgar though. But then, he's what makes the story funny.
I like this version of Snow White better than Disney's.
It's a bit more realistic, adding to the story's charm.
Great job! |
_________________ When life gives you lemons, make lemonade, pee in it, and serve it to the people who piss you off. Outdo yourself. ^^ |
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blacktiger3915
It's the eye of the tiger! Speaker of the Forum

 Gender:  Age: 18 Joined: 26 Nov 2007 Posts: 730 Reviews: 270 Country: Atlanta,GA USA 300 Points
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Posted: Thu Mar 20, 2008 3:53 pm Post subject: |
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| Thank you all for reading my story and liking it. I'm here to please the people! |
_________________ Don't send sheep to kill a wolf. |
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BigBadBear
Pokémon! Gotta catch 'em all! Master of the Forum

 Gender:  Age: 15 Joined: 07 Oct 2007 Posts: 1720 Reviews: 615 Country: USA 937 Points
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Posted: Fri Mar 21, 2008 12:34 am Post subject: |
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| Memento Mori wrote: |
Great story! I love it, but Prince Charming is a little vulgar though. But then, he's what makes the story funny.
I like this version of Snow White better than Disney's.
It's a bit more realistic, adding to the story's charm.
Great job! |
Hehe. Mori took the words out of my mouth. That was everything that I was going to say. Charming was a bit foul-mouthed, but it was funny nonetheless.
Yeah. The double spacing between the lines I thought was a bit awkward. but yeah. It was a great story.
-Jared |
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Enter the YWS Fanfic Contest Today! |
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blacktiger3915
It's the eye of the tiger! Speaker of the Forum

 Gender:  Age: 18 Joined: 26 Nov 2007 Posts: 730 Reviews: 270 Country: Atlanta,GA USA 300 Points
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Posted: Mon Mar 24, 2008 4:32 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks Big Bad Bear!  |
_________________ Don't send sheep to kill a wolf. |
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Aedomir
If you hate me press alt+f4. Master of the Forum

 Gender:  Age: 14 Joined: 19 Jan 2008 Posts: 1859 Reviews: 370 Country: The fantasy of limbo, but I call it England. 300 Points
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Posted: Mon Mar 24, 2008 4:39 pm Post subject: |
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I loved this! It was hilarious!
I could just picture this scene, and more or less everything that was going on. The fact that it was mostly dialogue added to the characters, and they weren't just talking heads which can be a difficlut thing to pull off sometimes.
Question mark?
Alright, so the grammar was a bit iffy in places, but aside frm that I thought you did a great job here! The writing style was unique, certianly.
Not much more to say! Loving it!
Keep writing!
~Mark~ |
_________________ We are all Sociopaths: The Prologue
Sociopath: So • ci • o • path noun
1. Someone who believes their behaviour is right.
2. Human. |
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blacktiger3915
It's the eye of the tiger! Speaker of the Forum

 Gender:  Age: 18 Joined: 26 Nov 2007 Posts: 730 Reviews: 270 Country: Atlanta,GA USA 300 Points
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Posted: Mon Mar 24, 2008 4:56 pm Post subject: |
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Thank you Aedomir! I will make sure I will correct the errors.  |
_________________ Don't send sheep to kill a wolf. |
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