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Cry of The fallen swords
Cry of The fallen swords

by Lord Anzius in Storybooks
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Other Fiction

This thread was created on February 6, 2008
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Snow White- After the Poison Apple Goto page Previous  1, 2, 3  Next

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scotty.knows   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Sat Feb 09, 2008 6:38 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah, when they said double space, they meant double space your paragraphs.

Just for the hekkuvit, I'll put in an example.

I live in Idaho. It is the best state in the whole United States. There is no other place in the world like Idaho. I would not want to live any other place but Idaho.

The best part of Idaho is the people. Great people like Torrie Wilson, WWF Diva who fights in her underwear for your viewing entertainment; Scotty, most beautiful, charming, amazing person in the world; and Nate, the founder of YWS, all live- or at least were born- in Idaho.

W00t for Idaho.


That's kind of random, but that's what they mean by double space your paragraphs.

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PostPosted: Sat Feb 09, 2008 6:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh wow, this was hysterical. I laughed out loud multiple times. That just made my day. Very Happy

Especially loved the part about Snow White going back to the dwarves and them saying "Hi ho"

Hahaha!

Loved it! Razz

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PostPosted: Sat Feb 09, 2008 6:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hello there! Smile

I'm Mark nice to meet you! This is very good, I thought it was really funny. Very intersting take on a fairy tale! You really modernised it with a good comic twinge! I really like your style, so some more please!

There were parts in this where I laughed out loud! It was really good, and an excellent idea!

PM me when you do more or something similar!

Keep writing!

~D'Aedomir~

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PostPosted: Mon Feb 11, 2008 6:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks, I appreciate the marvelous comments. Very Happy

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blacktiger3915   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Thu Mar 13, 2008 4:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Another story like this will be coming out in around April or May. Get ready! If you have a suggestion on what you want me to do a spoof of, feel free to tell me. Very Happy

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PostPosted: Thu Mar 13, 2008 10:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Funny.

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blacktiger3915   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Tue Mar 18, 2008 11:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks KJ.

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PostPosted: Tue Mar 18, 2008 7:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I honestly laughed my ass off. If this was suppose to be a greater piece of work or just for fun, I don't know. If it was serious then might I suggest a serious description of scenes? The only details are plot related. And while I thought it was funny, the dialog could use some reworking..harsh language alone may make something funny, but that's all it will do...especially if the language is excessive.

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PostPosted: Tue Mar 18, 2008 8:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nice job! Very humorous. I was smiling all the way through it, sometimes even bursting out in laughter occasionally. I love how you flipped the fairy tale side of things so it wasn't as cute and pretty as it normally is. Smile Keep Writing!

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PostPosted: Wed Mar 19, 2008 8:24 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Great story! I love it, but Prince Charming is a little vulgar though. But then, he's what makes the story funny.

I like this version of Snow White better than Disney's. Very Happy

It's a bit more realistic, adding to the story's charm.

Great job!

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PostPosted: Thu Mar 20, 2008 3:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you all for reading my story and liking it. I'm here to please the people!

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 21, 2008 12:34 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Memento Mori wrote:
Great story! I love it, but Prince Charming is a little vulgar though. But then, he's what makes the story funny.

I like this version of Snow White better than Disney's. Very Happy

It's a bit more realistic, adding to the story's charm.

Great job!


Hehe. Mori took the words out of my mouth. That was everything that I was going to say. Charming was a bit foul-mouthed, but it was funny nonetheless.

Yeah. The double spacing between the lines I thought was a bit awkward. but yeah. It was a great story.

-Jared

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PostPosted: Mon Mar 24, 2008 4:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks Big Bad Bear! Very Happy

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PostPosted: Mon Mar 24, 2008 4:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I loved this! It was hilarious!

I could just picture this scene, and more or less everything that was going on. The fact that it was mostly dialogue added to the characters, and they weren't just talking heads which can be a difficlut thing to pull off sometimes.

Quote:
it for free.”

Question mark?

Alright, so the grammar was a bit iffy in places, but aside frm that I thought you did a great job here! The writing style was unique, certianly.

Not much more to say! Loving it!

Keep writing!

~Mark~

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PostPosted: Mon Mar 24, 2008 4:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you Aedomir! I will make sure I will correct the errors. Very Happy

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This thread was created on February 6, 2008

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