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This thread was created on April 22, 2005
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Something not working for my life
Topic ID: 2491
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Sgt.Pepper
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 Posted: Fri Apr 22, 2005 5:07 am Post subject: Something not working for my life |
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Something not working for my life
people telling me all these lies
wasting away, what a suprise
what all alone outside.
The chorus
The sun is shinning, but not for me
the sky is blue, grey to me
------------------------------------------
That's just the start and chorus
me and my friend wrote it
and i don't got the whole thing
memorized yet. |
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hekategirl
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| Posted: Tue Apr 26, 2005 12:31 am Post subject: |
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This is good, too short to really critque but you should have this part like this:
CHORUS
The sun is shinning, but not for me
the sky is blue, grey to me"
Insted of:
"The chorus
The sun is shinning, but not for me
the sky is blue, grey to me"
Can't wait to read the rest  |
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Armadian
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| Posted: Tue Apr 26, 2005 2:06 am Post subject: |
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| I liked this I can't wait for u to have the rest of the song on here.*sits on a bench and waits* |
Last edited by Armadian on Sun May 29, 2005 2:19 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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Harley
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| Posted: Sun May 29, 2005 1:56 pm Post subject: |
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| Something not working for my life |
I think this wou;d be better as "sxomething's not working in my life"; to me personally it reads better. |
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| This thread was created on April 22, 2005 |
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