Topic ID: 2447
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rachel eaw
Junior Writer
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Age: 16
Joined: 18 Mar 2005
Posts: 34
Reviews: 18
Country: scotland [rangers rule]
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 Posted: Tue Apr 19, 2005 5:28 pm Post subject: alone |
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alone
I stand upon a planet in space
So silent, and not a trace
There is nothing
No sound, no civilisation
All i can do,is try to be patient
Then! ,i see movement
I think to myself
I'm not alone,
There is someone out there
I shout,but there us no sound
I try to move .i can't
I'm trapped
They go past and away
I'm alone again and alone i'll stay |
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Harley
awkward and innocent.
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Country: scotland.
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| Posted: Tue Apr 19, 2005 8:21 pm Post subject: |
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I like it!! YAY it's good! The layout is a little off, but i'll show you how i'd set it out. i just think that the layout really improves a poem.
I stand upon a planet in space
So, so silent, and not a trace
There is nothing.
No sound, no civilisation
All I can do,
Is try to be patient
Then
I see movement
I think to myself:
I'm not alone,
There is someone out there.
I shout, but there is no sound
I try to move.
I can't.
I'm trapped.
They go past and away,
I'm alone again,
And alone I'll stay.
:thumb: i love this one!! |
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niteowl
I Need a Better Custom Title
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| Posted: Tue Apr 19, 2005 8:44 pm Post subject: |
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| I like this poem too. I agree with Harvey's layout suggestions, except the "So, so" part. Good job! :thumb: |
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Rei
E.A. Extraordinaire
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| Posted: Tue Apr 19, 2005 10:18 pm Post subject: |
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| The comment I had about your otehr poem aplies here as well. It's okay, but it didn't really grasp what you wanted to say very well. |
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Lollipop
The shizney!
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Posts: 442
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Country: Scotland! 'Mon the Scots!
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| Posted: Wed Apr 20, 2005 8:43 pm Post subject: |
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I think this is your best poem yet Rachel!!! I loved it.
~Lollipop~ |
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hekategirl
An Angel with an Edge
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| Posted: Wed Apr 20, 2005 8:47 pm Post subject: |
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I agree with everyone this is great!!! and I agree with Harly's layout suggestions bt this is very nice  |
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