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Enemies
by listeningforthemuse in Other Poetry |
This thread was created on December 29, 2007
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Topic ID: 23880
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Davidude
Novice
Gender: 
Age: 18
Joined: 29 Oct 2006
Posts: 9
Reviews: 8
Country: U.K
300 Points
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 Posted: Tue Jun 03, 2008 10:42 am Post subject: |
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Couple of things to add:
I'm pretty sure it's aeroplanes, not airplanes or air planes, but maybe thats a UK thing.
You wrote "showing of" when i think you meant "showing off".
Apart from that, I agree with the other comments. Just a make sure you don't make your sentences too long and make sure the meaning is always clear.
P.S you say "the panic was indescribable," Then go on to describe it. I found this slightly ironic. |
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summergrl13
Novelist
Gender: 
Age: 14
Joined: 17 Feb 2008
Posts: 330
Reviews: 72
Country: USA
290 Points
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| Posted: Fri Jun 06, 2008 12:12 pm Post subject: |
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Awesome! I really don't need to edit this because others have already said it for me. This is really good. But I have a few questions to ask:
1. But how can it be the end of the world if it only happened in New York City?
2. Does it resemble the movie 'I Am Legend', because it kind of reminds me of that.
3. How many more chapters do you plan to have in here?
4. Is it more like 'Independence Day' rather than 'I Am Legend' because it reminds me a bit of both  .
5. When are you gonna post more?!?!?! Because I am on the edge of my seat and I am dieing to hear more of the story!
*And sylver, we've always said airplanes in America, so I guess it's okay since it's in NYC. But I wonder if it's different in Aussie and if she should change it into the regular Aussie way. Hrmmm... I shall ponder about it * |
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| This thread was created on December 29, 2007 |
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