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This thread was created on December 28, 2007
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Topic ID: 23843
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Gadi.
OBAMA FOR PREZ
Speaker of the Forum
Gender: 
Age: 15
Joined: 06 Aug 2007
Posts: 938
Reviews: 393
Country: I wish it was in my comfy bed, under the covers...
229 Points
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 Posted: Sun Jan 13, 2008 3:07 am Post subject: |
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Well, that was earlier than I expected!
Here's my poem, anyway. I don't know if it's good or not.
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Nothing much than an intellectual’s self-portrait
To you, perhaps—
An unoriginal viewpoint into a mirror.
But to me
It’s the bohemian’s life—stuffed into a two-by-two
Lavatory, with cold water for ten minutes on the clock
And reading the New York Times
On a flaking mustard toilet seat.
I still remember one day,
Looking through the camera lens
And seeing a boy reflecting through—
but he wasn’t anywhere—oh no! no, no, no!—
not anywhere.
He was thinking that whatever people said
They weren’t right—
There were more cities, oh yes—
Madrid and Paris, London, Venice.
But looking at himself through a double mirror
Only proved that the best self-portrait
Is in a petite toilet-room with peeling walls and ice-water
That’s fit for half a person but is used by five
in Sixteenth Avenue in a cold winter’s
night, when the people outside
look above and cry:
“Oh, what a beautiful night in Manhattan!” |
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my world isn't only beautiful
it is so far away |
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Kylan
Maverick!
Master of the Forum
Gender:
Age: 16
Joined: 21 Apr 2007
Posts: 1037
Reviews: 252
Country: USA
148 Points
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| Posted: Tue Jan 15, 2008 6:37 pm Post subject: |
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Apparently, gadi is the only one who entered. As stated in the original post, the lack of at least four entrants will cancel the contest.
*contest cancelled*
gadi - I will critique your poem as soon as possible. I'll also critique three other pieces of yours as specified by you.
Thanks,
-Kylan |
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"'At's the shtuff! Give the friggin' world back to the friggin' people!"
~ Kurt Vonnegut
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| This thread was created on December 28, 2007 |
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