Stop The Scrolling Header | Enable the Scrolling Header

Firefox 3
News:  
The Rules of Writing

YWS Journal Now On Amazon!
  Young Writers Society - Community Forums For Young Writers
Username:    Password:      Log me on automatically each visit    
eye
eye
by moosiegirl in Art & Photography
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Scripts

This thread was created on December 24, 2007
Post new topic   Reply to topic		 Digg It Del.icio.us


A Christmas Parable (Removed)
Topic ID: 23728
 View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
smorgishborg   View This User's Portfolio
Senior Writer

132
Gender: Gender:Male
Age: 17
Joined: 08 Oct 2007
Posts: 234
Reviews: 132
Country: Somewhere that's green
925 Points
PostPosted: Mon Dec 24, 2007 9:09 pm    Post subject: A Christmas Parable (Removed) Reply with quote
This play has been removed because it was terrible. Sorry if you were unfortunate enough to read it.

~ smorg

_________________
"Upside!, Inside!, Out!, Livin' La Vida Loca!"


It cost $7 million to build the Titanic, and $200 million to make a film about it.
The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets

Last edited by smorgishborg on Fri May 23, 2008 6:02 pm; edited 4 times in total
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
abbisnail   View This User's Portfolio
Junior Writer

48
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 14
Joined: 06 Nov 2007
Posts: 49
Reviews: 48
Country: Land of Eternal Light
300 Points
PostPosted: Thu Dec 27, 2007 10:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
That was quite good, I thought. The lighting ideas were very well thought out. I especially liked the end with the "Merry Christmas" sign. I have to say, it was a little bittersweet what with spending Christmas alone, but the light at the end seemed like a symbol of hope. The funny parts were actually funny though (something that is hard to find in a lot of writing). Nice job!
~abby~

_________________
cross the wall? nobody crosses the wall!
-stardust
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Gadi.   View This User's Portfolio
i
Speaker of the Forum

372
Gender: Gender:Male
Age: 14
Joined: 06 Aug 2007
Posts: 852
Reviews: 372
Country: I wish it was in my comfy bed, under the covers...
327 Points
PostPosted: Sun Apr 27, 2008 11:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
Meh. You've had much better, believe me--this was a piece of mediocre, coming from YWS's official script writer. Basically, it had a pooping plot. Too preachy, yes, too cliche, too christmasy. I suggest you dump it.

The dialogue was good. The characters weren't. You had some completely unnecessary lines, like "Are you gay?" and the whole "Marty, I'm speaking to a customer!" subplot. All in all, bleh.

I just reread your "Below" script, and it was spectacular. So congrats amigo.

_________________
ARE YOU CULTURALLY OBSESSED!
HERE'S YOUR CHANCE TO PROVE IT.

http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/topic25977.html
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website AIM Address
Display posts from previous:   
This thread was created on December 24, 2007
Post new topic   Reply to topic		    Young Writers Society Forum Index » Scripts All times are GMT
Page 1 of 1

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
You can attach files in this forum
You can download files in this forum
This thread was created on December 24, 2007

Graphics By Bobo | YWS Sword & Shield Logo by Bobo
Bartemius says, Trying is the first step towards failure. - Homer Simpson
Contact | Memberlist | Copyright Policy | YWS Store | Site Map
Facebook |  Goodreads |  Live Journal |  MySpace |  Wikipedia

© 2004 - 2008 The Young Writers Society