Topic ID: 23357
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Kitty15
The Protector of the Prophecy
Writer of Legend
Gender: 
Age: 18
Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 5372
Reviews: 1325
Country: England
1429 Points
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 Posted: Fri Dec 21, 2007 6:10 pm Post subject: |
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I'm in quite a poetic mood so why not -
your name: 'That which we call a rose By any other name would smell as sweet' so whether I be feline, flower or the essence of femininity. First, I be me.
I am: a dreamer whose dream has come and gone;
I wonder: could the stars replace my love with scorn?
I hear: the beating of a fading, withered heart.
I see: a life that's torn asunder, ripped apart.
I want: to know what's right and what is wrong.
I am: a dreamer whose dream has come and gone.
I pretend: that when I smile my happiness is true;
I feel: afraid to tell my past treachery to you.
I touch: the vale 'twixt what I am and what you see.
I worry: that when I am gone, you'll not remember me.
I cry: fifteen tears for you; for me there's just this one -
I am: a dreamer whose dream has come and gone.
I understand: much less than I would have you know.
I say: that when the truth is out, the lies have got to go.
I dream: that life was better before I dreamed of this;
I try: to twist the blood-stained cloth and wring it out to bliss.
I hope: that hope will leave my side; the nest forever flown.
I am: a dreamer whose dream has come and gone. |
_________________
Lest hope corrupt your foolish heart,
quick cast her out and let depart
the acrid whims of angel's wings
which clutch at twisted puppet strings. |
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my_wonderwall
Junior Writer
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Age: 17
Joined: 27 Nov 2007
Posts: 31
Reviews: 27
Country: United States of..you know
300 Points
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| Posted: Sat Dec 22, 2007 12:48 am Post subject: |
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I really like this, kitty. It looks like you took time to do this. Either that or you're just that good. I like the fact that it rhymes. You're very good at this.
Have a great day everyone! |
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"In order to be irreplaceable one must always be different"
- Gabrielle Coco Chanel
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Buddadancer
Junior Writer
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Age: 13
Joined: 11 Dec 2007
Posts: 26
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Country: A palace filled with my imagination....and only mine
300 Points
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| Posted: Wed Dec 26, 2007 11:55 pm Post subject: |
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| WOW i like it! |
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Look into my eyes
Look deaper into my eyes
Do you see anything?
I see a empty person with a mind to
fill. |
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mirandamaddness
Writer
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Age: 14
Joined: 25 Nov 2007
Posts: 63
Reviews: 31
Country: Up The Spiral Staircase And Into The Hallway In My Mind
300 Points
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| Posted: Thu Dec 27, 2007 11:19 pm Post subject: |
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I just noticed this:
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Suzanne said:
My only other issue with it is the fact that you never capitalize the pronoun I. Please respect grammar? |
Why do you need to capitalize I...and screw grammar...I always hated grammar. |
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*The Self Proclaimed Queen of The Maddness Minions*
GOT YWS? (cause I sure do)
Everyone has a song that tells about themselves, but I have an entire soundtrack. ~Anonymous
http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/topic34064.html (I need crits) |
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my_wonderwall
Junior Writer
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Posts: 31
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Country: United States of..you know
300 Points
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| Posted: Fri Dec 28, 2007 3:11 am Post subject: |
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when i type i usually don't worry about grammor unless its something for school or something really important.
i'm glad you liked it buddadancer!
hope everyone is having a nice week! |
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"In order to be irreplaceable one must always be different"
- Gabrielle Coco Chanel
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my_wonderwall
Junior Writer
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Age: 17
Joined: 27 Nov 2007
Posts: 31
Reviews: 27
Country: United States of..you know
300 Points
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| Posted: Fri Dec 28, 2007 3:12 am Post subject: |
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| i meant grammar. but you know. |
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"In order to be irreplaceable one must always be different"
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Angel of Death
I love you. I swear I do.
Speaker of the Forum
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Age: 14
Joined: 04 Nov 2007
Posts: 872
Reviews: 409
Country: Where the big star in the sky doesn't leave
1533 Points
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| Posted: Tue Jan 01, 2008 5:44 pm Post subject: I am |
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Raven
i am: in love
i wonder: if you notice you got me hypnotized
i hear: your voice when I close my eyes
i see: you in my dreams
i want: you to love me back
i am: in love
i pretend: to be a princess, waiting for you to save me
i feel: like dying when I don't see your face
i touch: your name when the angels write it in the sky for me
i worry: that I love you for all the wrong reasons
i cry: when your beautiful brownish-green eyes look at me
i am: in love
i understand: that love is only a state of mind
i say: that only because I think love is blind
i dream: that some once upon a time you'll be mine
i try: so hard to get that happily ever after
i hope: you'll move on in my next chapter
i am: in love |
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"Like the apple that passed through both the lips of Adam and Eve, you are forbidden. So if I were to pick you from a garden that has been coveted by another man, then I shall have hell to pay for my sins,"-Me |
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bethanyoverload
Junior Writer
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Joined: 30 Dec 2007
Posts: 30
Reviews: 27
Country: Connectitcut!!!
300 Points
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| Posted: Sat Jan 05, 2008 4:16 am Post subject: |
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your name: Beth
i am: the whisper
i wonder: what words i contain
i hear: only the thoughts in my mind
i see: only the truth behind
i want: only to give
i am: the wisper
i pretend: to be strong
i feel: like a fake
i touch: my heart
i worry: ill break
i cry: so silently
i am: the wisper
i understand: others worries
i say: that i know
i dream: of more
i try: so hard
i hope:to be heard
i am: the wisper
 truly it is me. |
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"Poetry is like the sun, as it is writen down it only becomes more beautiful",as said by shooting-star |
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SimonCowellLuver
Novelist
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Age: 15
Joined: 22 Dec 2007
Posts: 273
Reviews: 112
Country: It is somewhere i can relax and enjoy my life.
300 Points
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| Posted: Sat Jan 05, 2008 10:19 pm Post subject: |
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I like it really I do. I only have one thing to say the first sentence is confusing
It says "your name: just call me ... A."
What is your name? How do you expect us to know who you are?
Well that is all I got to say. Good job with everything else. Practice your grammar though |
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No Amount of therapy
will ever make this
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~Lashes~
Junior Writer
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Age: 14
Joined: 29 Dec 2007
Posts: 44
Reviews: 27
300 Points
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| Posted: Sat Jan 05, 2008 10:26 pm Post subject: |
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I love this! This was really good!
Everyone else already pointed out the spelling and grammer mistakes do keep it up! |
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my_wonderwall
Junior Writer
Gender:
Age: 17
Joined: 27 Nov 2007
Posts: 31
Reviews: 27
Country: United States of..you know
300 Points
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| Posted: Sun Jan 06, 2008 4:04 am Post subject: |
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my first initial is an A. my name is Anna and so i just put A instead.
i'm glad you liked it. grammar is usually a big deal to me but since it's on a this, i am not to concerned with it, considering i was bored when i put it on here in the first place. Thank You for your input anyways!!! =) |
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"In order to be irreplaceable one must always be different"
- Gabrielle Coco Chanel
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