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Flemzo
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 Posted: Thu Dec 13, 2007 4:18 am Post subject: Failure To Comply |
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(This script is for a class assignment. I'm only allowed to use 2-3 characters and three scenes, and the play has to be 5-10 minutes, so the play will be short and simple. All stage directions are based on the stage that is available to me at my school. Enjoy!)
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SCENE ONE
6:00 AM; June 7th, 2063; Sleeping Quarters
(Scene opens with TOM and JOHN sleeping in their beds. A tone sounds, followed by a VOICE from the speaker on the R. wall.)
VOICE: Attention Community Members. It is six o'clock. Get out of bed and be ready for inspections.
(JOHN immediately gets out of bed, straightens out a few things, then stands at attention. TOM groans, turns over a few times, then rolls out of bed, standing with poor posture. An INSPECTOR walks in from L.
The INSPECTOR walks to JOHN's area, checks a few things, then inspects JOHN himself. The INSPECTOR is pleased, then turns to TOM and his area. The INSPECTOR clicks his tongue and sighs as he inspects TOM's area and appearance. The INSPECTOR sighs and brushes crumbs and dirt off of TOM's uniform.)
INSPECTOR: Well, Tom, you've failed another inspection. The Master won't be pleased with this.
TOM: (apathetically) Yes, sir.
INSPECTOR: Straighten up, or you will be punished. Understand?
TOM: Yes, sir.
INSPECTOR: Good. (Nods at both men) Carry on. Remember, you must read six pages of the Manual today. (Exits L.)
(JOHN immediately turns to his area and grabs his Manual. TOM groans, grabs his Manual, plops down on his bed and passively flips through the pages. After a moment, he turns to JOHN, who is deep in reading.)
TOM: John?
JOHN: (not looking up) Hmm?
TOM: What are you thinking about?
JOHN: Nothing
TOM: (pause) You wanna know what I'm thinking?
JOHN: Sure.
TOM: (turns to Manual) I've been wondering what this is all about.
JOHN: (looks up) What what is all about?
TOM: (looks at JOHN) You know, this whole regimen thing, with the inspections, and the Manual, and the Master --
JOHN: (worried) You're not bad-mouthing the Master, are you?
TOM: (reassuringly) No, of course not! I'm just saying: what if we don't need all of these formalities to respect the Master?
JOHN: (pause, looks at the Manual) But the Manual says --
TOM: But what if the Manual is wrong? (JOHN stares at the Manual) What if we don't need to do all this stuff? I'm sure we're just as well off without having to slap ourselves across the face six times for penitence. (TOM gets close to JOHN, who looks up at him) What if there isn't a Master?
(JOHN looks horrified, and turns to run out the door L. TOM stops him and throws him back to the bed.)
JOHN: (horrified) Why would you say something like that?! Do you realize the punishment for questioning the existence of the Master? You'll be thrown out of the Community, having to survive on your own!
TOM: So? It's probably a better life than this dump.
JOHN: Tom, everything you could ever want is given to you here for free!
TOM: (sarcastically) Really? Everything?
JOHN: (not seeing it) Of course!
TOM: What if I said I wanted... an apple or something? Something to eat?
JOHN: Just ask the Master and it will be given to you.
TOM: What if I said I wanted a change of socks?
JOHN: Just ask the Master and it will be given to you.
TOM: What if I said I wanted a book?
JOHN: Just ask --
TOM: Other than the Manual?
JOHN: (pause) But you don't want that.
TOM: (confused) Says who?
JOHN: Says the Master.
TOM: (pause) What?
JOHN: The Master says that you don't want any book other than the Manual.
TOM: How does the Master know what I want?
JOHN: The Master knows what everyone wants. It's in the Manual.
(TOM flips through the pages of his Manual, takes JOHN's Manual, and compares two pages.)
JOHN: (watching him) What are you doing?
TOM: (ignoring him) These pages are the same.
JOHN: Yeah. And?
TOM: (looks up) Well, you'd think that if the Master knew what everyone wanted, we'd have different Manuals. These are the same.
JOHN: Yes. (almost as if rehearsed) Everyone wants what the Master wants, and everyone thinks what the Master thinks.
TOM: (quietly) This doesn't make any sense at all. (throws down the Manuals in frustration) How am I supposed to want and think the same things as someone I know nothing about?!
(Tone sounds. TOM and JOHN look at the speaker.)
VOICE: Attention Community Members. It is time for breakfast. Make your way to the Dining Hall immediately.
(TOM turns to JOHN and sighs)
TOM: Sorry, man. I just got a little carried away.
JOHN: (bending to pick up the Manuals) Eh, it's fine. Let's go eat.
(A piece of paper falls from JOHN's Manual. TOM picks up the paper and inspects it.)
TOM: Hey, John.
JOHN: (stops and turns) Yeah?
TOM: Who's Kevin?
JOHN: (quizzically) Kevin?
TOM: Yeah, this fell out of your Manual.
JOHN: (takes paper and inspects it) Well, this looks like my handwriting, but I don't know anyone named Kevin. (puts paper back into his Manual) But, if I have it, it must be important. Why else would it be in my Manual?
(JOHN places his Manual back on his bed. TOM rolls his eyes and follows JOHN out the door L. End of Scene One.)
SCENE TWO
6:00 AM; June 14th, 2063; Sleeping Quarters
(Scene opens with TOM and JOHN in bed, sleeping. The Tone sounds, and the VOICE follows.)
VOICE: Attention Community Members. It is six o'clock. Get out of bed and be ready for inspection.
(TOM leaps out of bed and throws his sheets off. JOHN sits up, confused.)
JOHN: What are you doing?
TOM: (while making a mess of his area) I'm trying to prove something.
JOHN: (starting to get up) What are you trying to prove?
TOM: That we can still have a peaceful existence without having to follow outdated and ridiculous rules.
(TOM messes up his area, and starts to get dressed in two opposite colors.)
JOHN: (horrified) Tom! You can't wear that! They don't match, and besides, today you have to wear blue. It's in the Manual!
TOM: So? I'm writing my own Manual! One that says you can think what you want, wear what you want, eat what you want, and read what you want!
(JOHN stares at TOM with a shocked look on his face as TOM continues to make a huge mess. They hear approaching footsteps. JOHN quickly stands at attention, TOM flops back onto his bed.)
INSPECTOR: (shocked) Tom! What do you think you're doing?
TOM: (innocently) Huh? Oh, I didn't feel like getting up today.
INSPECTOR: (grabs TOM's arm) Come with me.
TOM: Why?
INSPECTOR: Because you're being belligerent. We need to fix you.
TOM: (stops) Fix me? How?
INSPECTOR: You are unfit for the Community. We need to get rid of you to make the Community a better place to live.
TOM: (breaks away) Where are you going to take me?
INSPECTOR: You will be taken to a room and be given the necessary items to survive on your own. Then you will be let go.
TOM: (pause) Will I be able to see the Master before I go?
INSPECTOR: (bluntly) No.
TOM: Then I'm not going.
INSPECTOR: Yes, you are.
(INSPECTOR reaches for TOM, who backs away. A brief struggle ensues, with the INSPECTOR chasing TOM around the room. The struggle ends when JOHN catches TOM and holds him until the INSPECTOR restrains him and carries him off. TOM kicks and screams for help. JOHN stares out the door L. as the tone sounds.)
VOICE: Attention Community Members. It is time for breakfast. Make your way to the Dining Area immediately.
(JOHN slowly walks toward the door, dazed and confused as to what just happened. End of Scene Two.)
SCENE THREE
9:00 PM; June 14th, 2063; Sleeping Quarters
(Scene opens with JOHN lying on his bed, reading his Manual. He hears approaching footsteps, sets down his Manual and stands at attention. The INSPECTOR leads in a new comer SEAN from L.)
INSPECTOR: ... And here is your area. This is where you will be sleeping, and this is your new roommate, John. John, this is Sean.
(JOHN and SEAN ad lib greetings and shake hands.)
INSPECTOR: I'll let you get acquainted. (to SEAN) I'll see you again bright and early tomorrow morning. (Exits L.)
JOHN: (to SEAN) You look familiar... like an old roommate of mine.
SEAN: Really?
JOHN: Yeah.
SEAN: Weird. Maybe I look familiar because I was taking a tour all day, and you just saw me around.
JOHN: Yeah, that could be it.
(JOHN returns to his bed and continues reading his Manual. SEAN begins unpacking and organizing his things. He doesn't notice that he drops his Manual. JOHN gets up, picks up his Manual, and hands it to SEAN. A piece of paper falls out of the Manual. JOHN picks it up and inspects it.)
JOHN: Hey, Sean.
SEAN: (without looking) Yeah?
JOHN: Who's Tom?
SEAN: (looks up, quizzically) Tom?
JOHN: Yeah, this fell out of your Manual.
SEAN: (takes paper and inspects it) Well, this looks like my handwriting, but I don't know anyone named Tom. (puts the paper back in his Manual) But, if I have it, it must be important. Why else would it be in my Manual?
JOHN: True.
(SEAN finishes organizing his things as the Tone sounds. JOHN and SEAN look at the speaker.)
VOICE: Attention Community Members. It is nine o'clock. All Community Members are to be in bed and asleep within ten minutes.
(JOHN and SEAN climb into bed, get comfortable, and go to sleep. End of Scene Three. Curtain.) |
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Last edited by Flemzo on Fri Dec 14, 2007 10:41 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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smorgishborg
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| Posted: Thu Dec 13, 2007 12:27 pm Post subject: |
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Very good, very well practiced. This has no elementary problems, but I'm sure you know this... I defer to your theater class. Let me tell you what I was uneasy about however.
I guess I would have rather you were a little less blunt about the characters. Perhaps you made it a little too obvious that John was the conforming character, and Tom was the questioning character. And also that both are in a psuedo-1984 concentration camp. I would rather like to think at the beginning that they're all on a boy scout trip and only later let it be known where they really are.
I guess because I knew what would happen in the first two acts after reading the first couple lines. The third act was clever though, I wasn't expecting that.
So in conclusion, the play works! I'd subtle-ize the opening. Kudos for keeping the staging the same in each act. Not difficult to put on, and would be fun. |
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Flemzo
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| Posted: Fri Dec 14, 2007 10:42 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks for the review smorg.
Thought of a title as I was typing it (again) in class today. I'm still not entirely happy with it, but at least it's a title. Any further critiques would be helpful. |
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Phoebe
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| Posted: Sun Dec 23, 2007 9:43 pm Post subject: |
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Actually, I rather like the bluntness--it's layered, is it not? Because while John seems to be the compliant roommate, he too has a slip in his book with a name on it, indicating that at one time--before he was John--he was a rebel just like Tom. It's simple, but has a good deal of depth. I can't think of anything I would change. The title, while unspectacular, does seem to fit (at least, if Failure to Comply is the aforementioned title).
Cheers. ^~ |
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lyrical_sunshine
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| Posted: Sun Jan 13, 2008 3:09 am Post subject: |
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I liked the bluntness too. However, I think you should have...lead up to Tom's exile a little more. Rather than him just immediately being kicked out, you know? Maybe a warning first, then a beating or something. I realize that you have a time limit, but that's just a suggestion.
I LOVED the ending. |
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| Posted: Thu Feb 07, 2008 9:09 pm Post subject: |
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| I loved the twist at the end. It was something I didn't expect and explained the whole Kevin thing in Scene One. At first I thought Kevin was the name of some guy that would help them out or something along those lines so I loved it when I found out I was wrong. Anyway, I liked it a lot.. |
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Jasmine Hart
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| Posted: Sat Feb 09, 2008 5:04 pm Post subject: |
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I agree with everything smorgish said in his second paragraph. This is very interesting, but I'd try making both the plot and the characters more subtle. Sunshine also makes a good point about giving Tom warnings.
I loved the thing with the letters-I'm intrigued, and long to know what happens next.
I think you could afford to omit words like 'worried' and 'reassuringly' as it's a bit obvious, I think.
Good luck with your class, and I hope this is some bit helpful.
Jas |
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| Posted: Sat Feb 09, 2008 5:50 pm Post subject: |
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I really liked this, but don't fall into the trap that many others do, and write a fantastic piece but end up acting it really badly.
I liked it, not much to say to be honest just...
Keep writing!
~D'Aedomir~ |
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| Posted: Sat Feb 09, 2008 9:58 pm Post subject: |
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Hey, I don't normally read scripts, but I've recently gotten into reading plays since we have to at school, and I have to say I throughly enjoyed this piece here.
You've got a certain something in your writing.
It isnt overly descriptive, and this gives off the impression that you really know what you're doing. The entire thing is pulled off supberbly, especially the ending.
*Claps* |
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