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Wolf
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 Posted: Mon Dec 10, 2007 10:43 pm Post subject: Prologue for [nameless] |
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Curdled moonlight writhed on the blade as she held it on high. Dusky pines formed a ragged circle around her, like teeth tearing into the star strewn blanket of the sky.
The air was hot and heavy with sin. The world seemed to be holding its breath - and she brought the knife down.
The night was washed in scarlet.
Souls wrenched apart with the grating squeal of metal on metal. A cruel mouth gaped, the muscles frozen, pulled taut in a silent scream.
Darkness rushed into the world, borne on wings of malice and strife.
I know its very short, and it's unclear what happens. But that's the point. 
Anyways, it's the prologue for my book. I will be adding more once I get feedback.  |
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Fangala the Flying Feline
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| Posted: Mon Dec 10, 2007 10:54 pm Post subject: |
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AAAYYYRRRAAA!
Why are you so incredible? I still can't believe how eloquent your prose is. Curdled moonlight...sheer genius.
There is nothing wrong with this. Every line is pure and piercing, just like the knife.
Fantastic. I'll be looking out for the next part. |
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Swirl Antara
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| Posted: Mon Dec 10, 2007 10:56 pm Post subject: |
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this is.....excellent.
Short, to the point and obviously well thought-out
PM me when you write more please!!! |
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Wolf
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| Posted: Mon Dec 10, 2007 10:57 pm Post subject: |
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Aw, thanks! 
I'll be adding more tomorrow, since now I'm not supposed to be on the computer...*shifty eyes* |
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enjeru
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| Posted: Tue Dec 11, 2007 1:32 am Post subject: |
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*blinks*
wow...
that was amazing. i love your use of adjectives....extremely original.
wow. |
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Wolf
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| Posted: Fri Dec 14, 2007 7:14 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks!
I'm currently working on chapter one, but seeing as I can only get on during school ('cuz I'm grounded) I won't be able to post it for a while yet. 
Cheers,
Narf
-Ayra  |
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Nikki17
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| Posted: Fri Dec 14, 2007 10:01 pm Post subject: |
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Wow Ayra. Honestly, I think you are the best Writer I have ever seen who's even under 18. You are outstanding! I have sloppy, short, un-detailed (I know it's not a word..) stories that I thought were good but then WOW! I read yours. You have amazing talent.Don't ever forget that
Nikki |
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Wolf
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| Posted: Sat Dec 15, 2007 12:45 am Post subject: |
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Thanks Nikki!
I appreciate the compliments. But I'm sure you'll find that there are plenty of bette young writers on the site. |
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Nikki17
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| Posted: Sat Dec 15, 2007 4:40 pm Post subject: blank |
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But you're really good!
Wanna read my short...thing?( I wouldn't exactly call it a story, mroe like a guide)
It's a few paragraphs long and in non-fic
called A guide to snowshoveling
I wrote in school while the teacher was going on about area. ( I would think that 7th graders would knows what l and w stand for) |
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Wolf
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| Posted: Sun Dec 16, 2007 10:24 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks!
I'll try to read your guide, but I'm grounded so it might be a while before I get around to it. |
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4uiwouldie
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| Posted: Sat Jan 26, 2008 1:31 am Post subject: |
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| like ur oter piece tis is ****! 'curdled moonlight'? how can moonlight b curdled? and how can pine trees be dusky? |
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Sleeping Valor
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| Posted: Wed Feb 20, 2008 11:27 pm Post subject: |
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Yuppers. It's short. But very beautiful. ^_^ I have no help for you, except to say that though this style is lovely, don't write the whole story like this. I love description, but I get tired quickly if smothered in it. Also, the problem with metaphors is that they're vert passive, somehow. Actions done in metaphor don't feel done, they're implied. Thus, lots of fancy descriptions means not lots of stuff happening. Just my two cents for when you continue. Hope it will be of some help.
^_^ Keek! |
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Wolf
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| Posted: Wed Feb 20, 2008 11:37 pm Post subject: |
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Thank-you!
Don't worry, the style is only for the prologue. And maybe some flashbacks, but I'm not sure. |
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Sleeping Valor
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| Posted: Thu Feb 21, 2008 1:13 am Post subject: |
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Flashbacks! XD I wrote a whole story about a character who can only remember things through flasbacks. I think her name was Zeela. ^_^ No plot, of course.
btw. Is this a small bit of the prologue, a sort of intro to the prologue, or does this scene continue? |
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Wolf
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| Posted: Thu Feb 21, 2008 1:37 am Post subject: |
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Hehe, that sounds like fun! I love writing flashbacks.
This is just the first part. There's a second, in which Isaria is asking Guinevere to go and enroll as a student at Ayra's school and all. Maybe I'll post it here? |
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