Stop The Scrolling Header | Enable the Scrolling Header

Young Writers Society
News:  

The Top 25!

Favorite part of writing?
Username:    Password:      Log me on automatically each visit    
Railroad Crossing Photograph
Railroad Crossing Photograph

by BigBadBear in Art & Photography
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Action/Adventure Fiction

This thread was created on November 21, 2007
Post new topic   Reply to topic
Digg It Del.icio.us

Related Items
Possible Related Items Follow:
2.7 Thomas Pinewood & The Grail Of Champions: Gimico's T
Thomas Pinewood & The Grail Of Champions:Post Yorkshire
Broomstick 8 Travel

Stellar's Pub, Post Gimico's Travel 3.25

Topic ID: 22463
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
EliteHusky   View This User's Portfolio
Writer

67
Gender: Gender:Male
Age: 17
Joined: 30 Aug 2007
Posts: 73
Reviews: 67
Country: Canada
300 Points

PostPosted: Thu Nov 22, 2007 3:05 am    Post subject: Stellar's Pub, Post Gimico's Travel 3.25 Reply with quote

Gimico looked up towards William, “Come on William, if you come peacefully with your friends the ministry cannot possibly impose further action against you.”

“Why that’s bloody ridiculous!” Charlie shouted. “I have plans for this afternoon, do you take us all for gumbies?”

Mr. Ross raised his right hand to calm Charlie down. “He’s explained everything quite clearly, and it’s probably best that we all go to the Ministry Of Athlone now and get this sorted with. Thomas you don’t mind tagging along with us do you?”

Thomas glanced at Gimico quickly and before returning his focus to Mr. Ross. “No I don’t mind….”

“He doesn’t have a choice Edward,” Gimico interrupted loudly.

“Yes he does!” Mr Ross backed firmly.

Emma sighed as the two men stared at each other relentlessly, “He’s already said he doesn’t mind, can we just go and get these matters cleared up?”

“Right you are young Ms. Ross,” Gimico said while turning his focus to Thomas who returned eye contact.

As they prepared to head to the Ministry of Athlone, Thomas was stricken by the realization that he had not packed any official documentation whatsoever. However it seemed that Mr. Ross sensed his hesitation.

“Don’t worry about heading home to bring your documents, the Ministry keeps a record.”

William stared out of the front window watching the traffic and the buildings across the street one of which just happened to be Stellar's Pub.

“Can we stop for a bite across the street before we leave here Mr. Ross?”

“Why, I think that is a good idea, better on a full tank then an empty one I always say!” he said, smiling fondly. “Do you have everything Emma?”

“Yes father, but how long will we be at the Ministry?”

“I reckon once we get there and show them that William here is no murderer with not a bad record to his name, they should let us go,” Charlie voiced almost calmly.

The stress was affecting all of them deep down although Thomas knew none would show it. He himself had no possible idea why he was also asked to attend the meeting.

The sun was starting to set as they set off towards Stellar’s Pub where they would see if any free rooms were available for the night.

“We can’t leave in this utter darkness!” Mr. Ross muttered to Gimico.

“They are expecting us whether we choose to go or not and if we do not go, they will come looking for you and your friends and family!” Gimico countered.

“But the children, they haven’t slept since last night!”

“Listen to me Mr. Ross, you know I am a friend to you and those around you but I cannot stand by and watch you be detained because you did not show up to defend these children!”

I know Gimico but I myself am fatigued, I must rest.”

Gimico stared him as they approached the entrance that led into Stellar’s Pub. The green sign that bore its name was bordered with a gold coat and the glass that exposed the inside was arch-like in shape and had very green nice outlines running through where the individual pieces were connected to each other. The inside was like an average pub without the darkness. It seemed like a spot one would go to buy Christmas presents and was cheery in atmosphere. The flooring was coloured in a toasty-brown colour that welcomed them like a warm haven.

“If you will not go to the Ministry of Athlone,” Gimico continued, “then I will go and tell them to expect you in the morning.”



Last edited by EliteHusky on Wed Jul 09, 2008 11:19 pm; edited 2 times in total
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
J. Wilder   View This User's Portfolio
Senior Writer

30


Joined: 12 Dec 2004
Posts: 207
Reviews: 30
Country: Long Beach, California
300 Points

PostPosted: Thu Nov 22, 2007 4:37 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Is this the beginning of a story/novel or the middle? The description of the bar was pretty good, but there were some grammatical errors and stuff, which I've tried to show below. I changed "feeling the fatigue of sleep" because "of sleep" seems unnecessary combined with the word "fatigue."

Gimico looked up towards William. “Come on, William. If you come peacefully with your friends the ministry cannot possibly impose further action against you.”

“Why that’s bloody ridiculous!” Charlie shouted. “I have plans for this afternoon, do you take us all for gumbies?

Mr. Ross raised his right hand to calm Charlie down. “He’s explained everything quite clearly, and it’s probably best that we all go to the Ministry Of Athlone now and get this sorted with. Thomas you don’t mind tagging along with us do you?”

Thomas glanced at Gimico quickly and before returning his focus to Mr. Ross. “No I don’t mind….”

“He doesn’t have a choice, Edward,” Gimico interrupted loudly.

“Yes he does!” Mr Ross backed firmly.

Emma sighed as the two men stared at each other relentlessly. “He’s already said he doesn’t mind, can we just go and get these matters cleared up?”

“Right you are, young Ms. Ross,” Gimico said while turning his focus to Thomas who returned eye contact.

As they prepared to head to the Ministry of Athlone, Thomas was stricken by the realization that he had not packed any official documentation whatsoever. However it seemed that Mr. Ross sensed his hesitation.

“Don’t worry about heading home to bring your documents, the Ministry keeps a record.”

William stared out of the front window watching the traffic and the buildings across the street, one of which just happened to be Stellar's Pub.

“Can we stop for a bite across the street before we leave here, Mr. Ross?”

“Why, I think that is a good idea, better on a full tank then an empty one I always say!” he said, smiling fondly. “Do you have everything, Emma?”

“Yes[color], F[/color]ather, but how long will we be at the Ministry?”

“I reckon once we get there and show them that William here is no murderer with not a bad record to his name, they should let us go,” Charlie voiced almost calmly.

The stress was affecting all of them deep down, although Thomas knew none would show it. He himself had no possible idea why he was also asked to attend the meeting.

The sun was starting to set as they set off towards Stellar’s Pub where they would see if any free rooms were available for the night.

“We can’t leave in this utter darkness!” Mr. Ross muttered to Gimico.

“They are expecting us whether we choose to go or not and if we do not go, they will come looking for you and your friends and family!” Gimico countered.

“But the children, they haven’t slept since last night!”

“Listen to me, Mr. Ross, you know I am a friend to you and those around you but I cannot stand by and watch you be detained because you did not show up to defend these children!”

"I know, Gimico, but I myself am fatigued, I must rest.”

Gimico stared him as they approached the entrance that led into Stellar’s Pub. The green sign that bore its name was bordered with a gold coat and the glass that exposed the inside was arch-like in shape and had very green nice outlines running through where the individual pieces were connected to each other. The inside was like an average pub without the darkness. It seemed like a spot one would go to buy Christmas presents and was cheery in atmosphere. The flooring was coloured in a toasty-brown colour that welcomed them like a warm haven.

“If you will not go to the Ministry of Athlone,” Gimico continued, “then I will go and tell them to expect you in the morning.”
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Display posts from previous:   
This thread was created on November 21, 2007
Post new topic   Reply to topic
   Young Writers Society Forum Index » Action/Adventure Fiction All times are GMT
Page 1 of 1

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
You can attach files in this forum
You can download files in this forum
This thread was created on November 21, 2007

Graphics By Bobo | YWS Sword & Shield Logo by Bobo
Bartemius says, Stupid risks make life worth living. - Homer Simpson
Contact | Memberlist | Copyright Policy | YWS Store | Site Map
Facebook |  Goodreads |  Live Journal |  MySpace |  Wikipedia

© 2004 - 2008 The Young Writers Society