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This thread was created on November 18, 2007
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Break-Up. Goto page Previous 1, 2
Topic ID: 22334
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Ashlee
Junior Writer
Gender: 
Age: 15
Joined: 07 Apr 2008
Posts: 33
Reviews: 13
Country: I live in a hallway, with no doors, and no rooms. :) -Shinedown "Save Me"
300 Points
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 Posted: Sat May 24, 2008 2:44 pm Post subject: |
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You are an amazing writer! This story is fantastic. It is laced with emotions and feelings. I like how you give the readers background on the main character, it gives him personality.
The masturbating part is gross, but what normal guy doesn't do that? 
Anyways, I look forward to reading more. You are an amazing writer.  |
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"I'm not questioning your powers of observation, I'm merely remarking upon the paradox of asking a masked man who he is." "There are no coincidences... only the illusion of coincidence."
-V from V for Vendetta |
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ThanatosPrinciple
Writer
Gender: 
Age: 14
Joined: 02 Feb 2008
Posts: 56
Reviews: 37
Country: England, France, Itlay and Germany
350 Points
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| Posted: Sat May 24, 2008 5:54 pm Post subject: |
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| Good story, kind of graphic. |
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With this magical drrrink I shall RULE THE WORLD! Mwhahahaha! |
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ashleylee
I want the friction...
Master of the Forum
Gender:
Age: 16
Joined: 13 Mar 2008
Posts: 1210
Reviews: 693
Country: some place that I can only dream about
960 Points
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| Posted: Thu Jun 05, 2008 2:28 pm Post subject: |
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God, this was fricken' hilarious! I even laughed openly at certain points!
And it was true, genuine. It wasn't the fake stuff some people right. I could feel for the MC and all the girls he didn't care for. The characters were REAL! And that is something that some writers struggle with.
I really don't have anything to fix because there really isn't anything to fix! 
So, I guess the only thing I can say is that it was excellent!
I would love to read more of your work! |
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-Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart-
~William Wordsworth |
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mercipourlevenin
Junior Writer
Gender:
Age: 17
Joined: 03 Jun 2008
Posts: 18
Reviews: 6
300 Points
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| Posted: Fri Jun 06, 2008 12:46 am Post subject: |
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That was great. Witty, captivating, blunt yet fluid...I love the colloquial-ness of it. (Is that a word?) Some people actually go overboard with it, making the story drastically informal and less respectable. But you did it just right.
I have no particular critiques other than the ones the previous readers pointed out...I would like to see you continue this though, because this character intrigues me greatly. Or would that be too much to ask?
Good job! |
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| This thread was created on November 18, 2007 |
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