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Revising Hope, Chapter Un
Revising Hope, Chapter Un

by beautyandthefish in Romantic Fiction
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Action/Adventure Fiction

This thread was created on November 14, 2007
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Midnight Darkness #6 part three
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BigBadBear   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 14, 2007 5:18 am    Post subject: Midnight Darkness #6 part three Reply with quote

Argh! I hate waking up multiple times in a day! I opened my eyes carefully, making sure that I wasn’t in like a dangerous position.

It was dark, meaning it was nighttime.

It was dark. That meant I was outside! I snapped both of my eyes open and looked around. I was in sort of like this forest area, with trees and snow everywhere. When I looked at the snow, I got Goosebumps. Major Goosebumps.

I shivered and looked down at my arms, rubbing them to keep warm. I was wearing the black T-shirt and the jeans that I had been given the first night I had arrived at Fort Wolfgang. So, now where was I?

I put my hands in my pockets to warm them up, and I found a piece of paper hidden in there. Carefully I took it out. It was just like a note that you would get from girls, folded three times, and on the front it said, Landon.

Eagerly, I opened it, not knowing who gave it to me, or why. What secret message was hidden in this note?

When it was all unfolded, I raised the paper to the light of the stars and moon, and read:

Landon,

I hope that all will be clear after this message. I know that not much has been explained, and if I were caught giving this to you, I would be killed. That is how serious this is. Landon, they have drugged you. I saw them take you away, and I followed them. Wolfgang drugged you, and you were out for hours!

I am now writing this note, staring at you, right now. You are asleep, and won’t wake up until you are in the Valley of Darkness. Don’t be afraid. I’ll put the note somewhere where you can find it easily, without Wolfgang knowing.

The werewolves are thinking of rebelling. That is what only some of the commotion is about. We are fed up with Wolfgang, and want him dead. But I’ll talk to you in person when we talk about that.

The other part of the commotion is you, Landon. You are in a prophecy. Wolfgang hasn’t explained much, but he says that you are destined to turn on the werewolves and help the Vampires. If you even think about that, I will personally rip your throat out.

Payton has instructed me to write this note, because this is a matter of life and death. You may not know how important it is that you STAY ALIVE! Do whatever you can to stay warm. It just snowed like a foot, so stay as warm as you can, and just wait out the night.

Payton is gone. Wolfgang knew that Payton was illegally going to help you win the Trials. You can probably tell that Wolfgang wants you dead. If anyone tries to help you, they will be killed. If I get caught, I will be killed, right in front of my own friends. Payton has been sent on a mission. There have been rumors that a Vampire camp has been spotted near here, and is very unlikely. He can’t return until he brings back true news about their whereabouts. Wolfgang did this just to torture you; and this is why I am helping you.

Payton told me that he said that you need to kill a Vampire and a human. Landon, this will be just as hard as it will be in the future, but you have to get used to drinking blood and human flesh. It is our way of surviving. There is a town just down the mountain. Get one of them. As for the Vampires, I can’t help you.

I am running out of room. Please, Landon, stay alive. You still have one more Trial after this. Things will be out to get you, no doubt. Just do your best. Be a true werewolf.

Lacy

My fingers shook as I read this note. Lacy repeatedly told me to stay alive. How hard could that be? I was a werewolf. I had fur, or at least, could have fur if I transformed.

I shivered and nodded my head. I needed to keep warm and alive. Warm and alive. Yeah, that’s what I need to do. I need to keep warm and alive.

I stood still, concentrating on my goal; to transform as quick as I could. I could feel soft hairs start to grow out of my face, and then my fingers merged together.

My snout grew into perspective, and my fangs dug into my cheek.

My white fur, now what was up with that? As far as I knew, I didn’t know any other werewolves with white fur. That was another mystery for another time.

Right now I needed to stay alive and keep warm.

Wait out the night. How hard could that be? My white fur kept me nice and toasty. I was perfectly ok. Lacy was right. All I needed was to have fur.

And then the hunger kicked in. Oh man, that hunger was like no other. It kicked and squirmed in my stomach, and I roared, trying to make myself stop. It was no use. I needed food. I needed food now!

My head jerked around the little snowy forest I was in, trying to find food. Anything! Squirrels, berries, meat. My stomach lurched at the thought of meat. Oh, that sounded delicious! A nice big steak, fresh off of the burner. Maybe add a little salt and A-1 sauce, and I would be good to go. I pictured myself chewing into that soft, chewy pink piece of steak. The juice would rush down my chin, only to be cleaned up by my waiting napkin.

I growled, and tried not to think of that. It only made it worse. I had to eat. There was just something that told me I had to eat.

I had to eat flesh. I had to eat a human. The feeling was overwhelming, and I totally lost control. I growled and leaped off of the rock that I was perched on. My eyes spun around my sockets, and I sniffed.

There was smoke. Wait, was it? I sniffed again, and smelled more of it. It was that delicate taste of smoke, like when I had woken up as a werewolf my first time. Payton was sitting there, naked, serving me hot dogs.

Food. I needed to eat.

My legs ran as fast as they could to the source of the smoke, and I rustled some leaves and heard a small voice cry, “What was that?”

I stopped. I couldn’t be seen. Not now. I was so close to the human. I needed their blood. I wanted it to rush down into my throat.

What? What was I saying? I need food. No! Not humans! I am still human! I am such a fool. I need them. They are my only way to live. If I don’t drink their blood, and have it roll down my face, how else could I survive? No! I – I can’t! Don’t make me! You fool, it is either drink or die. Drink or die. Drink or die.

Those three words echoed in my head, until I lost control. I launched myself through the brush and into an unsuspecting camp. There were two campers, a man and a woman. The woman screamed and fell down off of the log that they were both sitting on.

The man was holding a guitar and playing it, while wearing really heavy snow coats. The instant he saw me, he stopped and looked at me, shocked.

I bared my feet and leaped forward, just a few feet away from the fire; the source of the smoke.

“Ah! Tom, get away from that thing!” the lady shouted at her husband. The man was frozen like a deer caught in headlights. He held the guitar in his hands. His face was pale white, and his eyes didn’t move.

Kill him. Kill him now.

I growled and dove towards the guitar man, while his wife screamed bloody murder.

It felt so good, so natural. There was not another way to describe it. I guess it was the way that my paws punctured his throat, leaving a huge gash for me to feast on. About that time, I dug my snout into the gash and tore out more chunks of his neck, blood seeping out through every open wound.

The wife was screaming at me, trying to kick me, but I bared my bloody fangs at her, and she tripped over her feet again, and tumbled down the snow-covered hill. Back to my feast.

I growled as I dug further into his neck, and with my tongue I felt some organs. I wrapped my bloody tongue around them, and pulled my head out of his neck.

Blood dripped from my mouth, my eyes and everywhere. Oh man, you should have been there. It felt fantastic.

I chewed my treasure and licked my lips. This man’s blood was nice and hot, and really salty. It reminded me of when I had cut myself a few years back. I sucked my own blood just to see what it tasted like. I didn’t care for it back then, but now, it was delicious!

His stomach. Attack his stomach. Feed on him. He is your only meal. Kill him. Rip him apart. I did as my conscious told me.

I howled in the frosty air, and ripped my way through his many a coats and shook my head to a fro to get through the skin. I had tried his neck skin, but it tasted like cardboard, so I ignored it this time. I just wanted his flesh. I wanted his heart.

Slowly, I chewed my way towards the man’s ribs, and bit one. It was rock hard, and my tooth ached like crazy. I pulled myself out, and howled.

Disgusted, I dug my face into the snow to wipe away all of the excess blood, and continued to feast. When I got there, I fiercely grabbed his heart and pulled.

Some muscles snapped in a satisfying way, and I chewed his heart until there was nothing left.

Oh man, was that a great meal or what!


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 14, 2007 7:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

your story keeps getting more exciting, grosse but exciting.

It was dark, meaning it was nighttime. ( try rewording this , something like, "It was dark, which meant it had to be nighttime.)

It was dark. That meant I was outside! I snapped both of my eyes open and looked around. I was in sort of like this forest area, with trees and snow everywhere. When I looked at the snow, I got Goosebumps. Major Goosebumps

( instead of sayin it was dark twice, maybe say "the air was chilly, cold ect. that would show you knew you were outside.)

other then that, this is very good bear. i love this story.

let me know when you post your next chapter.

kim
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 14, 2007 4:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

this is fantastic! the letter from lacy was perfectly worded, perfectly executed. the first kill, which i think was an important turning point in the story, was also perfect, it gave just the right feel to the readers. this is one of the most awesome stories i have ever read in the history of all awesome stories. wow.

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