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Gryphon
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This thread was created on November 6, 2007
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Friend Or Foe? Goto page Previous 1, 2
Topic ID: 21891
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chocoholic
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 Posted: Thu Dec 13, 2007 6:01 am Post subject: |
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I'm really not in a critiquing modd, so this will be short. I found the dialouge a bit unbelieveable, but I think it's funny. I like what you suggested, but it's your story so do what you want with it.
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smorgishborg
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| Posted: Thu Dec 13, 2007 12:36 pm Post subject: |
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Hehe. Plots don't happen overnight! Well, maybe this one did.
You know what? I felt more comfortable with your earlier dialogue. I think you were more at home with the wording, it was more relatable to you. I wasn't to enamored of the way you blatantly tossed the plot and the conflict in at random. Conflict and plot do need to develop.
I already know the entire plot of the story from here on out.
Also, I'm willing to bet that the quality of your dialogue will drop in coming scenes. Don't force it, but I think you're straying into unfamiliar territory. I try never to include foreign characters, or characters I know little about into my scenes.
And to be honest, the plot is a bit cliche. See "Not another teen movie" and related creations for some idea. I'd rather you kept the characters as they are and had them get involved in some absolutely bizarre turn of events.
And I tell you this now, because it's impossible to change the plot once you've finished. Good luck. |
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Last edited by smorgishborg on Thu Dec 13, 2007 2:14 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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Gwenevire
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| Posted: Thu Dec 13, 2007 2:08 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks 
I thought it would be cliched! Grr... Whey did I continue it then!
Sometimes I really hate my self XD
Maybe I could turn it from here.
Something weird. Well I could *thinks*...
I think I am going to stay with this plot.
I don't really care if it cliched I will make it deferent. I write for me not for my readers.
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| This thread was created on November 6, 2007 |
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