Topic ID: 21847
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iQuippie
*makes a dramatic return* Novelist

 Gender:  Age: 15 Joined: 22 Aug 2007 Posts: 292 Reviews: 142 Country: My United States of Whateva! 300 Points
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Posted: Mon Nov 05, 2007 10:17 pm Post subject: I Hate Acrostic Poems (Winter) |
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Winter whispered sweet hellos,
seraphim in perfect tune
sang a chorus like a dream,
nocturne of a silver moon.
In the darkest depths of night,
ghostly crystals kissed the lawn.
Open your eyes to frosted glass
and behold an icy dawn.
Nestled somewhere warm and dry,
I'll be safe from howling winds,
encased in a soft cocoon
where numbness ends and love begins.
Tempests take over the night,
and swallow the helpless day.
Blizzards fuse the land and sky,
arctic white to muted gray.
Evanescent rays of gold,
cherished patches of sunlight
cascade to the bedroom floor,
envying Polaris burning bright.
Rime speaks stories as it drips,
telling tales of its short life.
Icicles all whisper low
of the winter's love and strife. |
_________________ You're insulted, you can't be bought or sold;
Translation: offer too low. |
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Gwenevire
мαмα яαιѕє∂ α нєℓℓяαzσя Master of the Forum

 Gender:  Age: 13 Joined: 27 Oct 2007 Posts: 1348 Reviews: 441 Country: detention 302 Points
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Posted: Mon Nov 05, 2007 10:31 pm Post subject: |
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I really like that. It paints a really nice picture in my head. Good job!
~ Gwen |
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Rigel
Senior Writer

 Gender:  Age: 17 Joined: 12 Jul 2007 Posts: 115 Reviews: 105 Country: Third star in Orion, and straight on at the speed of light for 800 years. 300 Points
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Posted: Mon Nov 05, 2007 11:10 pm Post subject: |
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That was wonderful. There aren't too many good rhyming poems here, simply because so few people are able to write them. It wasn't cluttered, and you made the structure work for you instead of bending to the structure.
That the imagery was out of this world goes without saying. |
_________________ If I don't get you, PM me! |
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Wolf
ςђเคг๏รςยг๏ Master of the Forum

 Gender:  Age: 13 Joined: 25 Oct 2007 Posts: 1411 Reviews: 574 Country: in Atlanta, with my super-hawt rapper boyfriend.<3 386 Points
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Posted: Mon Nov 05, 2007 11:14 pm Post subject: |
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Wow.
That was, well..really good ^^
I agree with Rigel; most rhyming poems here aren't very good, but that was spectacular. I could see the scenes you described. Unfortunately, I'm no expert with poetry, so I won't be able to provide any useful feedback
But, yeah. That was excellent! |
_________________ " My books are water; those of the great geniuses are wine. (Fortunately) Everybody drinks water. "
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
♥ Got YWS? The user formerly known as: Ayra |
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bobiscool134
Writer

 Gender:  Age: 17 Joined: 07 Nov 2007 Posts: 52 Reviews: 18 Country: USA 300 Points
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Posted: Thu Nov 08, 2007 8:54 pm Post subject: |
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I like this poem. Since I live in Hawaii, I don't get much of the "Winter" feeling, but could feeling winter while reading this poem.
-bobiscool134 |
_________________ there are 10 different types of people in this world, those who know binary and those who don't |
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Kim
Novelist

 Gender:  Age: 17 Joined: 30 Jan 2007 Posts: 338 Reviews: 317
300 Points
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Posted: Fri Nov 09, 2007 6:43 am Post subject: |
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you did an awesome job.
i loved the discription. normally to much isnt good, but in your case, it turned out beautiful. i personally dont like winter, ( i live in it). you made it sound like a beautiful season.
i should save this, so when winter gets bad all i have to do is pull out your poem , close my eyes and pretend it is beautiful.
i look forward to reading more of your writings.
kim |
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Kyuuketsuki
Junior Writer

 Gender:  Age: 14 Joined: 29 Oct 2007 Posts: 17 Reviews: 9 Country: United States 300 Points
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Posted: Tue Jan 01, 2008 3:45 am Post subject: |
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| This poem... wow, it's beautiful. You've probably heard it a few times already, but this describes Winter well. The stanzas per letter sound great. I apologise for the lack of helpful critiquing, I just thought I'd mention that I love the way you did this poem. |
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linkreborn
Novice

 Gender:  Age: 18 Joined: 31 Dec 2007 Posts: 9 Reviews: 6 Country: Northern Maine in the US 300 Points
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Posted: Tue Jan 01, 2008 11:07 pm Post subject: |
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| The imagery was very good in this, along with the rhythm and rhyme. I have to say I've always seen acrostics just simply being one line per letter, so it was nice to see it per stanza instead. Again very good |
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