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Fancy Yumi
Fancy Yumi

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Young Writers Society Forum Index » Action/Adventure Fiction

This thread was created on November 2, 2007
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Thomas & The Fog 3.5
Topic ID: 21704
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EliteHusky   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 02, 2007 1:37 pm    Post subject: Thomas & The Fog 3.5 Reply with quote

Outside was raining, a fog was making its way towards the entire coast of Ireland. Thomas sat by the lighthouse on the damp grass pondering what school would be like at Bagintons.

"Wotcha doing there Thomas?" He turned and glanced quickly behind him to see Charlie leave the lighthouse and make his way towards him.

"I just don't think I'm ready for this... it all seems so overbearing." Charlie attempted to squat besides him but after a few moments of sliding feet had to settle for just lying calmly.

They both looked out at the large body of water that was now drenched in a fog ahead of them. "Every young student feels this way when they get accepted to a school like Bagintons. Even I, myself, did when dad told me and William..."

"But you didn't have responsibilities!" Thomas stood up, his face now bearing dew.

"You don't have to take care of your house or your meals, you have parents!"

Charlie stood up. " So do you...." "You mean my drunk father! Too much illness has plagued his mind!" Charlie half-circled around Thomas.

"I wasn't talking about your father Thomas, my family understands your position and will take care of you, whether you choose to accept their help or not, I, we promise."

They sat back down and made amends as Thomas thought it pointless to continue the argument with Charlie. They continued to stare into the sky, it looked stranger than usual despite the strange weather forecasts that have been reported around the British Isles, Scotland, England and Hungary. As Thomas tested his eyesight as far as he could manage he saw what appeared to be a black bird spiraling down. As it passed the first of five layers of clouds around it he realized it actually looked nothing like a bird but more like some sort of looking plane. Charlie who also seemed to notice the milky green plane leapt to his feet and beckoned Thomas to follow him.

"WE HAVE TO GO DOWN TO THE SHORE!" he shouted.

"WHY!?" Thomas shouted back in confusion. The noise of the engine was steadily increasing.

"SO THEY CAN SEE US!" Charlie suddenly started running downhill towards the shore but Thomas caught up to him on his decent.

"Why on earth are you trying to be noticed!" "Don't you understand!? That is the plane of the Irish Dragons! If you see it means it has seen you, and you have been chosen to be with IRELAND! Thomas could not scrub the look of confusion on his face.

“That is absolutely mental, you said we would be going to Emma’s house tomorrow and we would leave….”

“I lied!”

“You what?” Thomas could not help but smile. “COME ON!” declared Charlie. They both ran carefully on the exceptionally wet patches of grass and dodging the mud puddles that scattered the slope towards the shore. The plane had begun it’s descent.



Last edited by EliteHusky on Wed Jul 09, 2008 11:19 pm; edited 4 times in total
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lysolstinks   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Sun Nov 04, 2007 11:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

i think you have a good story line going, but you need to break up the paragraph, it is very hard to read.

lysolstinks
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Zappy77   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 08, 2007 1:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I agree, it gets a little confusing. But it has a very good story line and I really like the characters! Very Happy

- zappy77 Cool
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