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by CastlesInTheSky in Other Fiction
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Action/Adventure Fiction

This thread was created on November 2, 2007
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EliteHusky   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 02, 2007 1:36 pm    Post subject: Thomas Pinewood & The Grail Of Champions Piece 2 Reply with quote

Thomas woke up in a haste of excitement. He had forgotten to set the alarm and was now quickly running downstairs to make breakfast. However two smiling males greeted him at the end of the staircase.

"Morning Thomas! Bacon or eggs?" "Bacon or eggs!”

“Why can't he have both!"

"Blimey Charlie! The cholesterol in these is sure to give him a heart attack let alone anyone!" Thomas's eyes followed William's finger as it pointed to each individual piece of bacon and soon became crossed when he almost poked his eyes out in his attempt to wag Thomas into agreement.

"I'll take the eggs, thanks William." He said, struggling to answer without bursting into laughter. It had been less than twenty-four hours and Thomas felt the Bucklins had welcomed him into their home as if he were family. As he helped carry the plates into what seemed to be the Bucklin dining room Mr. Bucklin entered and began rummaging through his pockets.

"Where in Bagintons did I put the keys to the Foolsdrop equipment?" Trying not to disturb Mr. Bucklin, Thomas quickly placed the pearl-white plates he was holding around the large rectangular table. "Ever played Foolsdrop before Thomas?"

"Ah, well I've never heard of it...sorry." Charlie had just entered behind him carrying the cutlery. "Never played Foolsdrop before!" "

No, sorry," Thomas repeated almost feeling ashamed of himself.

"It's only the best sport in the Wizarding world!" At the word 'Wizarding' Thomas stopped and looked at Charlie in utter confusion. " I thought magic doesn't exist, only in fiction like King Arthur or Harry Potter." The look on Charlie's face at that moment was almost priceless, his mouth was open and he was staring towards Mr. Bucklin in shock. Surprisingly Mr. Bucklin broke the silence.

"Show him Charlie..." As Thomas turned to face Charlie, he was already facing him but this time the cutlery in his hands had been shoved into the pockets in his pants and he was now brandishing a sturdy wooden stick in his hand.



Last edited by EliteHusky on Wed Jul 09, 2008 11:16 pm; edited 3 times in total
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Kitty15   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 02, 2007 3:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hmmm. I see that there is more but I don't think this was as original as the first part. Perhaps this should be in fan-fiction? Only it's seeming very harry potter based to me now. Your characters Charlie and William seem just a little too much like Fred and George. Maybe you should try to tone that down a bit or work on them so that they're more individual. Other than that, I just have a few little suggestions -

"Where in Bagintons did I put the keys to the Foolsdrop equipment?"

Trying not disturb Mr. Bucklin, Thomas quickly placed the pearl-white plates he were was holding around the large rectangular table.

"No, sorry," Thomas repeated almost feeling ashamed of himself.

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