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The Forgotten Begotten (Your Take on the Human Paradox)
The Forgotten Begotten (Your Take on the Human Paradox)

by Galerius in Narrative Poetry
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Other Fiction

This thread was created on October 29, 2007
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Claimed By the Waves

Topic ID: 21499
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mizz-iceberg   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Mon Oct 29, 2007 7:14 am    Post subject: Claimed By the Waves Reply with quote

Hope I win!

-----------------------------------------------------------

The lonely shores of Kingston were an ultimately no-no place for all the kids of the neighboring town Surrey. I for one believed there was nothing wrong with it. Yes it was unnaturally quite but I liked it that way. Especially after a long, tiring summer day I would head towards the beach, to have peace and quite.

The ocean stretched out to places I knew not. I especially liked to look towards the horizon where the sky and the ocean seemed to touch and a soft roundness was shown, proving an already proven fact that the world was indeed round.

It was after one of those long days that I headed out to the beach with my camera in hand. I wanted to snap a picture and post it on my Piczo account.

I held the camera posed and was about to click the top button to snap the photo when an eerie breeze brushed my finger. I shivered and focused on the camera. All of a sudden, ahead of me, the silent sea seemed to rage and a huge wave came curdling towards me. I quickly snapped the shot and ran like devil was after me.

As I reached home, I calmed myself and told myself not to get over-excited.

Just a wave. You’ve seen plenty of waves by Juniper Beach. Nothing to worry about.

But this isn’t Juniper beach, this is Kingston.

So what?

Have you ever seen the tiniest ripple in the water? Ever?

I realized I had not, let alone a wave. But I realized it was nothing to get scared of, there were many big waves at beaches, how could a beach not have waves.

It was around evening that I got a chance to upload the pictures to my computer. The beach photo had come out excellent, a huge wave parading towards me; beautiful!

While the beach photo was uploading, I suddenly felt a small breeze against my right hand which was placed on the mouse. The air suddenly seemed to smell of seaweed and salt, and odor only fathomable at Kingston Beach.

An unearthly feeling swept over me and I shivered, my bones vibrating. My mouse slowly started moving along with my hand. I looked down at it. What was going on? I tried to stop my hand, but it kept moving, glued to the mouse.

My eyes open wide with horror stared at the screen, something was trying to open a word file. I resisted as much as I could but a ghoulish breeze, kept tingling my hand, as if speaking to it, urging it on. My finger clicked on the mouse just at the right moment and a word document was opened in front of me.

My hand flew to the keyboard automatically, but before my fingers touched any keys I jumped back, the keyboard clattering to the floor.

My younger sister who was sitting in the room reading a book, looked up suddenly.

“What’s wrong?”

I opened my dry lips to say something. And succeeded in gasping.

“What?” she asked again scared, looking from me to the mouse which I was starting at.

“It moved.” I finally got out. My hands shaking, my breathing irregular. “I swear, it moved.”

“What moved?”

“The. The mouse.” My heartbeat quickened suddenly and I fell to the floor dizzy.

“Oh no need to get scared, I’ll go get the cat.” She left the room mumbling something about mice.

When Sara returned with the cat, she saw me on the floor, black ooze dripping from my right hand, my eyes frozen wide and my lip in and absurd maniacal smile. I wasn’t dead, I could see everything and I felt everything. I knew everything.

I know how she screamed dropping the cat as she beheld my sight.

I know that Sara saw the keys of the keyboard clicking, typing by them selves.

I know what Sara saw flashing on my screen.

The screen seemed to beckon Sara and she went towards it, tears slipping down her cheeks. I smelled the ocean and I knew she did to. I tried to warn her, to scream to shout, to not go towards the screen, to run away. But I could not, my eyes stayed frozen wide and my body taut, but lifeless.

And I know what Sara read on the screen. I don’t know how I know but I just know.

I AM THE VICTIM OF THE CRUEL OCEAN WHICH TOOK MY WIFE AND SON FROM ME, BUT I SAILED ON, THE SEA CLAIMING ME TOO.

I ASK FOR NOTHING FROM THE SEA BUT TO RETURN ME MY BELOVED,

BUT IT DOES NOT. I SHALL TAKE THE SOULS OF OTHER SEA LOVERS, UNTIL THE OCEAN RETURNS MY BELOVED. I SHALL BOT REST UNTIL I REJOIN WITH THEM,

MAY YOU ALL SUFFER LIKE I DID, UNDER THE WAVES OF THE SEA.

And I also know that when she finished reading, she was warped into a strong sea smelling wind, twirling around us faster and faster until all we could see were each other. And everything else was a blur. We heard a spine-chilling scream of a woman, and I knew it was the wife of the man who had claimed us now. Then we heard the crying of a child; a boy. And I knew it was the child of the man who had claimed us now. The wind suddenly stopped and everything came into focus. We were on Kingston Beach, not dead, but not alive either. The pungent wind pushed us towards the shore. I tried to keep my feet firmly on the ground.

Life suddenly drained into me and I resisted, dropping onto the ground hanging on to the soil. But the sand slipped through my fingers and I was slid towards the water. I lunged again and again, forward, away from the water, but the wind was stronger it pushed against me, puffing ragingly into my face.

Tiny shells and dirt stung against my face but I crawled forward trying to ignore the biting wind. I stumbled against a small rock and all was lost. The wind took control. Faster than anything, my body sped down at a supernatural speed and plunged into the water. The list thing I saw was the already dead body of my sister floating in the water, with her eyes wide open and an inane smile upon her face. I too was then claimed by the sea.

Beware of your mouse. Beware of Word Documents, Beware of your keyboard, but mostly beware of abandoned shores.

Never let your mouse control you.


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Last edited by mizz-iceberg on Mon Oct 29, 2007 3:54 pm; edited 1 time in total
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chocoholic   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Mon Oct 29, 2007 10:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Umm... wow! That was freaky. Like, really freaky. Maybe not Other Fiction, it might be better off in fantasy of sci-fi.

I really don't know what else to say apart from I liked it. Sorry I can't be of more help, maybe you'll get some better critiques later.

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PostPosted: Tue Oct 30, 2007 2:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hah! That was great. Don't think that by putting "hah" I thought it was cute and lame.

For being only 13, you sure wrote a pretty creepy story. It didn't quite make sense, though, which was part of the creepiness. I was left wondering why his computer attacked him. Was it just because he was audacious enough to take a picture of a forbidden wave? And how did the evil ghost get to his computer?

Either way, it was creepy. Good job.

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PostPosted: Tue Oct 30, 2007 6:14 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well I was hoping that I would scare my readers enough that they might hesitate before putting their hands atop a mouse.

Haha. Glad you guys liked it. Smile

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PostPosted: Tue Oct 30, 2007 5:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

AAAAAAHHH! I think my mouse just moved. Laughing

Very Very Very nice. Smile

Some tense problems and minor punctuation errors, but nothing serious. All in all a very engaging and frightening piece Smile

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This thread was created on October 29, 2007

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