| Young Writers Society - Community Forums For Young Writers |
|
This thread was created on October 21, 2007
  |
|
Poem-morbid
Topic ID: 21234
|
View previous topic :: View next topic |
| Author |
Message |
sar_a215
Junior Writer
Gender: 
Age: 16
Joined: 19 Aug 2007
Posts: 17
Reviews: 2
Country: USA
300 Points
|
 Posted: Sun Oct 21, 2007 10:48 pm Post subject: Poem-morbid |
 |
|
Whisper into my ear
and scream to me that you'll be here
Pick me up and thrown me down
and watch my heart slowly drown
Bound to you I am, like the devil's command
Your glaring eyes, always watching my back
Making my heart a nervous wreck
Trapping me into an endless black pit
only you know where I sit
Crawling back to you I come
like the Beacon's everlasting drum
Consumed I am by you, once again
My heart tearing shred by shred.
the lines that are underlined I need help with because they sound awkward, also if you have any additional comments to my poem, you can say them as well. As of yet, this poem has no title.
thank you
-sara |
_________________
सारा मेरा ज़िंदगी मैं माल असबाब छिपा हुआ |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
Sumi H. Inkblot
can divide by zero
Epic Novelist
Gender:
Age: 14
Joined: 27 Feb 2007
Posts: 2995
Reviews: 268
Country: Mu
300 Points
|
| Posted: Sun Oct 21, 2007 10:50 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| Ah...this belongs in the poetry forum, not in Storybooks. :*flags down a mod*: |
_________________
Capitolism is the uneven distribution of wealth.
Socialism is the even distribution of poverty. |
|
| Back to top |
|
Via
Ἀθηνᾶ
Epic Novelist
Gender:
Age: 20
Joined: 05 Nov 2006
Posts: 3450
Reviews: 681
Country: second to the left and straight on 'til morning
300 Points
|
| Posted: Sun Oct 21, 2007 10:51 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| Indeed! I was on it too lol. But, I can only move poetry... |
_________________
My Literary and Arts Blog
"I think I'd miss you even if we'd never met." -The Wedding Date |
|
| Back to top |
|
MadHatter
Captain Spleen is here to save you!
Master of the Forum
Gender: 
Age: 16
Joined: 30 Mar 2007
Posts: 1549
Reviews: 141
Country: Fifth Dimension
300 Points
|
| Posted: Sun Oct 21, 2007 11:00 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| Seriously, this is not a storybook. Do you (talking to sar_a215) even know what a storybook is? *Chuckles* Maybe we can turn it into a storybook. |
_________________
Voldemort: You kids! If I ever find out who's calling I will tell the wizard law and you will go to wizard jail and then I'll kill you!
Harry Potter Puppet Pals - Wizard Swears |
|
| Back to top |
|
Snoink
Snuggly
Writer of Legend
Gender:
Age: 20
Joined: 02 Apr 2005
Posts: 8649
Reviews: 2127
Country: USA
981 Points
|
| Posted: Mon Oct 22, 2007 12:40 am Post subject: |
|
|
*Moved to Other Poetry*
...and locked, since there is a duplicate somewhere else.
Go here to comment. |
_________________
"So, Obama calls McCain erratic. Well, I call Obama a squirrel." -- Rush Limbaugh
Video Critiques by Yours Truly.  |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
You can attach files in this forum
You can download files in this forum
|
|
| This thread was created on October 21, 2007 |
Graphics By Bobo | YWS Sword & Shield Logo by Bobo
Bartemius says, A big mountain of sugar is too much for one man. I can see now why God portions it out in those little packets. - Homer Simpson
|
