Read “Do Not Read This Story.” No seriously, just read it. All of my stories are connected to “Do Not Read This Story.” I’m sorry, but I’m running out of ideas. If you have suggestions for the next part, let me know in the reviews and I will give you credit in that post (if I use it). Note that if I do use it, I will change it a bit, but will still thank you in the story for the suggestions. That is, only if you want to give me an idea. Thanks.
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Jim Williams was eating his breakfast dramatically and sexily when the phone suddenly rang.
"Hello?" said Jim.
"Hello," came an annoying and familiar voice from the receiver, “your check for the ‘Super Ultra fantastic Mega Robot Wow Pot’ has bounced. If you would like to legally purchase this pot, please—”
Jim quickly destroyed the phone. “Blasted company,” he roared, “that confounded pot caused nothing but trouble. Its consequences nearly killed me!”
“Nearly?!” yelled a voice from the kitchen, “If I recall correctly, those rabid hedgehogs devoured you!”
“Not now, Alex,” said Jim, “We will discuss the Deus Ex-Machina later.”
Spongebob Squarepants walked into the room.
“Don’t say it, Spongebob,” Jim groaned, “We all know you’re a Goofy Goober.”
Spongebob slowly walked out of the room, disappointed.
Suddenly, a loud beeping noise was heard from downstairs.
Jim gasped. “The communicator! Someone is being tortured by a communist cultist!”
Alex stared at her brother.
“Well, something bad is happening, we’ll put it at that.”
When downstairs, Jim turned on the communicator. Dora the Explorer came onto the screen.
“Hola! Hello! Me llamo Dora! My name is Dora! This is my best friend, Boots!” Dora pointed to the monkey next to her. “Boots is a monkey. I am a human. Are you a human?” the girl asked cheerfully. There was a long pause.
Not knowing what else to do, Jim answered, “Um…yeah…”
“Great! Can you help me save the world?”
“Save the world? Of course! What happened?”
“Mupert Rurdoc has created a weapon of mass destruction! Can you say ‘weapon of mass destruction?’” There was another long pause.
Jim looked around the laboratory. “Uh…”
“Great job!” said the girl again. “Now, first we have to get to Mupert’s evil lair. Who do we ask for help when we don’t know which way to go?” There was yet another long pause.
“Well…”
“The map! That’s right! To see the map, yell ‘map!’ Yell louder! LOUDER! What’s wrong with you?!”
Suddenly, a dancing map jumped cheerfully out of Dora’s backpack. “I’m the map! I’m the map! I’m the map!” sang the map several times.
After fifty-seven long minutes, the map actually began to speak. “Hi! I’m the map! To help Dora find the evil Mupert Rurdoc’s lair, first we have to go over the electric fence, through the deadly cave, and all the way to Mupert’s house.”
Jim was eagerly taking notes.
“Once we’re there,” continued the map, “we have to bribe the gatekeeper, seduce the female guards, and go through the booby-trapped room to find Mupert’s evil plot and destroy it!”
Jim considered this plan. “How do we destroy it?”
The map’s face suddenly went something akin to seriousness...and...jealousness? “Well, you’re the hero! You figure it out!” he yelled angrily, then jumped back into Dora’s backpack. The girl, contrary to her paper friend, was grinning happily.
“Great!” yelled the girl, “Can you tell me why my father left me?”
Jim was confused. “Er…”
“You’re right! Good luck, Agent Williams!” The screen went blank.
A few hours later, Jim’s private airplane landed at the electric fence.
“Wait,” said Jim, “if I have a private jet, can’t we just fly over to Mupert’s lair, bomb it a few times, and go home—without the complicated spy-ish, hero-y stuff?”
The jet’s pilot thought about this question. “Hmm,” he began, “You make a good point. Perhaps…if you…maybe…well, I am not authorized to answer that question. You’re on your own, kid.”
The plane flew off, leaving our hero alone by an electric fence.
Will Jim conquer the fence and save the world? Will he die trying? Why did Dora’s father leave her? Find out in the next installment of...Jim Williams and the Darth Droid of DOOM!
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For the record, my keyboard doesn’t have those upside-down exclamation thingies for Spanish exclamatory sentences, and if there’s another way, I’m too lazy to figure it out. If I spelled some Spanish terms wrong, I’m sorry. I don’t speak Spanish, I barely speak English. If you want someone who can speak both, go ask Dora.
