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sokool15
In the begining there was nothing and it exploded.
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 Posted: Tue Oct 16, 2007 9:41 pm Post subject: Nobody Beats the 11-10 |
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Nobody Beats the 11-10
(Annie is holding a piece of paper, looking down at it and smiling slightly.)
Annie: Full credit again!
(Frederick walks up holding a similar piece of paper, a smirk on his face.
Annie sees him, rolls her eyes, then turns to face him.)
Annie: (aside) Oh, here he comes, the Eleven of Ten. (to Frederick) Hey, Fred.
(Frederick looks dignified and offended.)
Frederick: Please, call me Frederick – or better yet, Mr. Vernon. Or better yet – The Eleven of Ten.
(Annie rolls her eyes again.)
Annie: So...um…Mr. Vernon, what did you get on the test?
Frederick: (waving paper dramatically) What do I always get?
Annie: Eleven out of ten?
Frederick: You guessed it! And what’s more…there wasn’t even any extra
credit available. That means I did such a good job, Mrs. Shelby thought I deserved an extra point.
(Annie sighs and looks down at her own paper, and makes a movement to hide it behind her back. Fred reaches around and snatches it.)
Frederick: Wow, Annie! (mockingly) Amazing. Ten out of ten again. (patronizingly) Really, Annie, what is this going to do for your scholarship application? You really need to quit being mediocre and start being outstanding, or you’ll have no chance at the scholarship at all.
(Annie snatches the paper from Frederick angrily)
Annie: Get your stupid nose out of my business, jerk.
Frederick: (petulantly)Just because I’m smart doesn’t mean everybody needs to hate me.
Annie: Believe me, Fred, it’s not your degree of intelligence that so endears you to people. (sarcastically) It’s more your charming personality and ability to make other people feel important.
(Frederick looks down at his paper and a shocked expression comes across his face. Annie, who has turned away, slowly looks back, curiosity overcoming her irritation.)
Frederick: Wait…I don’t believe this! I must have…did I…I couldn’t have… (he rubs his eyes and shakes his head, then looks at the paper again.)
Annie: What? What’s wrong?
Frederick: I misread the paper! I only got a nine on the test!
(Annie grins, then quickly tries to mask the smile in sympathy. She pats Frederick on the shoulder.)
Annie: It’s okay, Mr. Vernon. Even gods make mistakes, according to Greek mythology.
(Frederick sobs brokenly for a few moments…then he suddenly looks up and grins wickedly at the startled Annie.)
Frederick: I fooled you, Annie! Ha, you actually thought I’d be less than perfect! How wrong you were!
(Annie recoils from him, disgust on her face.)
Annie: Were you seriously joking?
Frederick: No, Annie, I was lightheartedly joking.
Annie: Why would you do that, you weirdo?
Frederick: Just a little friendly fun! Lighten up, Annie. (he punches her shoulder, laughing, and she winces)
Annie: It’s hard to lighten up when the rest of my life depends on whether or not I get A’s.
Frederick: Well, just remember that no matter how hard you try, you’ll never be better than me.
Annie: Oh, wow. (sarcastically) Thanks for that valuable piece of encouraging advice.
Frederick: (sing-song chant) You can’t beat the Eleven of Ten. Nobody beats the Eleven of Ten. (Frederick exits and Annie stares after him, then slowly tears her paper to pieces.) |
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kitty15
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| Posted: Tue Oct 16, 2007 9:56 pm Post subject: |
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A very interesting little script here with some well developed characters. Perhaps add a brief description of the setting at the beginning and a slight touch of character description would be nice but your dialogue is great. I liked the little aside near the beginning in particular and you've successfully created a highly irritating character. I'm not sure where the plot can go from here but I'd be interested in finding out and I found just the one grammatical error -
Frederick: (petulantly)Just [Should be a space between the end of the brackets and 'Just'.] because I’m smart doesn’t mean everybody needs to hate me.
Other than that, I found it enjoyable. Are you going to expand on this? |
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BigBadBear
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| Posted: Tue Oct 16, 2007 10:10 pm Post subject: |
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Hey! Great script. Like kitty said, your charactors sure had lots of good dialoge and it was just great! I like the idea of a 'more than pefect, but yet very annoying' brat as one of the charactors, because I can sure relate to other people. Great job!
BBB |
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Fan
Tea please......
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| Posted: Tue Oct 16, 2007 10:40 pm Post subject: |
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Ohhh... this looks good! 
Like Kitty said, it could do with a description of what the set should look like before the dialogue starts (whicch is very good by the way). I can't see what comes next immediately but I can see it developing into a good comedy(?) with a moral in the story.
P.S. well done in creating a character I already want to punch (frederick of course) |
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sokool15
In the begining there was nothing and it exploded.
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| Posted: Tue Oct 16, 2007 11:47 pm Post subject: |
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Yay! Thanks so much for critiquing, you guys.
The problem is, it was supposed to be a one-page play, which was why there was so little description. I hadn't thought about expanding, really, but now that you mention it, it could! I'll definitely think about it.
Glad y'all liked it!
~Kool |
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kshsj777
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| Posted: Wed Oct 17, 2007 9:35 pm Post subject: |
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| It's really funny. I loved it! Some more setting would be good, but other than that, I really think its good the way it is. |
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