Topic ID: 20773
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Sorrowspinner
Junior Writer
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 Posted: Tue Oct 09, 2007 11:36 pm Post subject: I am |
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[pre:543b95d3ff] I am
Though I may seem serious
Humor plays a great role in my life.
Just beca-
use I look plain, does not mean
That there is no budding rose underneath.
I may not know how to (dan/ce) but
That does not mean I do not dan/ce at all.
I like to think I am a FUN per(son).
Not a BOrInG one. Maybe I am, maybe not.
Near people I lose my co/ol
And become tongue-(ti-ed)
“Oh, watch out, that girl is one sour piece of work/”
Maybe. MAyBe not.
I dream of fantasy lands, of dragons and beautiful ladies who go off to rescue the KID (Knight In Distress) with words dancing around in my he & ad.
What about y-ou?
Do y-ou know what y-ou are?
Does any^one el:se know?
I would like
To know.[/pre:543b95d3ff]
(thanks to Amelia for helping me with the changes!) |
Last edited by Sorrowspinner on Wed Oct 10, 2007 1:09 am; edited 2 times in total |
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Leja
Slightly more inclined to writing than previously
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| Posted: Wed Oct 10, 2007 12:51 am Post subject: |
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Fun punctuation ^_^ Not sure if it's completely necessary, but fun anywho. Been reading a bit of e.e. cummings recently? That's great for the novelty, but be warned, that novelty's alot of what he's known for. Reading through, actually, I do like the punctuation abnormalities (by the way, did you realize the times where you opened, but didn't close, the parentheses?); as the poem progresses, they seem to have a place, more and more, rather than being there just for the sake of being there. Nice.
I really, really like the dream of fantasy lands part, especially with the KID in need of rescuing. I wonder though, if it would be better in lowercase letters, so it isn't as obvious.
You begin with the idea of being a fun person as opposed to being a serious person, but end with the idea of knowing yourself, and while these two sort of segue, it seems like they connect in reverse; as if it might be better to being with the general (the idea of whether or not you know yourself) and progress to the specific (how serious you see yourself). Maybe if you took from "Oh my, I seem to be" to the end, and placed that whole segment at the beginning, the progression would be a little easier to follow.
Feel free to PM me if you have any questions
-Amelia |
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Sorrowspinner
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| Posted: Wed Oct 10, 2007 12:59 am Post subject: To Amelia |
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You really think so? All right then, let me try it out. 
Thanks for the kind words  |
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Lindsaroo
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| Posted: Sun Oct 14, 2007 1:30 am Post subject: |
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haha I really liked this poem. It was a bit confusing to read until I realized it was meant to be like that. It's a fun little thing and I liked it.
Good Job!!
Lots O' Luv,
Lindsay
P.S. Love the KID thing! |
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Sorrowspinner
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Age: 16
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Posts: 24
Reviews: 18
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| Posted: Sun Oct 14, 2007 5:56 pm Post subject: |
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| Lindsaroo wrote: |
haha I really liked this poem. It was a bit confusing to read until I realized it was meant to be like that. It's a fun little thing and I liked it.
Good Job!!
Lots O' Luv,
Lindsay
P.S. Love the KID thing! |
Haha! Thank you! Reading this review made me feel good XD
I know, it's a bit confusing, the things I write tend to bethat way >.>;
The K.I.D. thing was inspired by me watching too many Courage the Cowardly Dog while on an ultra chocolate high X3 |
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