I closed my eyes – the nightmare still haunted me. Beads of sweat trickled from my head down to my back as I sat upon my austere bed. I looked around; wanting to make sure I was in reality once again. The room was all silver, refulgent with a fluorescent white. Outside the windows, the never-ending mist floated as if to haunt the inhabitants on the other side of the glass with its glumness. The mist was not pure. It wasn’t white nor refreshingly moist. Mist on this planet, Nequadataliton, were clouds of dust and burning acid facile enough to corrode anything that comes in its way. When did we have to start protecting ourselves completely from Mother Nature? Mother…I smirked at the thought. Even my own home had to have every nook and cranny sealed and air-tight. Factitious oxygen-rich air would suffice. There was no need to go outside. It was too dangerous to go outside. It was said that many years ago, this planet was a green haven, flourishing in rich wildlife that was eradicated by hearts of inconsideration for future generations. And I was living in the future generation, so they called it.

“Daddy…stay home, please. I’m scared.”

“Daddy’s got to go, honey, take care of your brothers and sisters.”

“But daddy, will you come home?” I didn’t answer. I was already turning my back, walking away.

“Daddy, promise me you’ll come home, you said you would promise me!” I couldn’t promise. Kat stood devastated. Her hands turned to fists as she stood silent but repulsive. I had to shut the door in her face. She must stay home. I can’t give her hope that her father will come home.

“Sorry, Kat.”

The troops mustered to the Corrhod Battalion division, ready to take off to space. I stood in line at Unit Three. What was going to happen, none of us knew. All we knew was a war was going to happen; a war of featherbrained disputes between different planets of this region just to conquer environmentally immaculate planets, unpolluted planets. And the soldiers knew they were constrained to fight this war that wasn’t theirs.

You kill. No compassion, no fear. The blasts that ignited as I attacked opposing ships were as usual as a dancing flame upon a candle. I was on the call of duty, obliged to conduct orders without question. It was an obligation I had held on for more than a decade. Leading Unit Three as captain, I swerved from within my space capsule out from the mother ship, capturing the coordinates for our position, embracing the ambush about to befall our mutual adversary.

The scene of battle is not something any infantryman would want to share. Not even me. I saw the reflection of my warplane as I neared an enemy ship. I saw a figure inside; his eyes held a hidden fear. I then blew him up. My conscience was struck – I knew what was on his mind. Every soldier is not spared from it. Life would just flash by in a blink of an eye through your memories and thoughts. Images of those you loved, hate and cared for appear in front of you rather than the black cosmos and raging fire ahead.

Kat’s voice kept ringing in my head. Come home, daddy. “Get out of my head, Kat. I need to concentrate,” I thought out loud. But she kept coming back. I saw her face when her mother passed away, diseased from exposure to radiation. The blows my family heard in the middle of the night as they were unable to sleep. While her mother was there, Kat often cried, holding her little toy bunny. She had it since she was an infant. But it was not like that anymore: my daughter no longer weeps. She screams of anger and strife. Nuclear wars ruled the planets now. We were in the worst state possible. They would turn back their decision anytime now, seeing that wars go nowhere. But that was what I thought. Now I know how wrong I was.

In spite of a time of innovative inventions and miraculous technologies, the precariousness of this world continued domineering. Beliefs were long gone in our minds as we drugged ourselves to believe in our decisions and rationality that are becoming more fatuous the more we make ourselves the only belief available. What happened to times when things were simple, uncomplicated, pure, innocent and just? There used to be peace. Albeit it consumed time to create this travesty of the human mind, it still happened. And in that, I cannot fathom a world that used to exist just about a century ago that was what the multitude called haven.

Damn. My thoughts reeled back to reality. The ambush failed. The enemy knew of it; our trap backfired. Following protocol, I summoned for back up. It was all too late. The war unfolded ever more viciously. I found myself taking a big part in that battle. But my heart was not there. The intensification of my mind was fixed on the carnage whereas my heart thought of the same people in every battle where I might end up dead; Kat, little John, quiet Patrick, always-crying Melinda and baby Jane. Before I knew it, everything went black.

I was back where I started – on a steel bed. I could not get up, I was only conscious. There was not a sound. The brightly lit room was cold and unwelcoming. What happened? I was supposed to die. I saw my life flashing before me. I saw the nova-like depredation about to ensue me. So why am I still alive? A lot of empty hours lay before me. I was bedridden for now as I healed from my acute lesions. I thought about the irony of how hospitals could still exist to treat the injured in times of war where no one cared anymore. Was it just tradition the reason that treatment centres and sick bays prevailed?

“Captain Sparcus, the war is over. They signed a treaty to stop the war and further intensifying the pollution. Instead, all the planets in our region are going to cooperate in rebuilding our world. Sounds like a joke, doesn’t it? Well, you’re alright now, aren’t you? I’m sure your kids will be waiting for you at home.”

“Yes, sergeant,” I said to my sergeant. I had just recovered. I was more than ready to go home. What was Kat doing? I wished to give her a hug to tell her she’ll be alright and everything was over. I didn’t care about politics anymore or whatever the decisions were. All I knew was I could go home and have a normal life with my kids.

On the way home, the surviving troops were abnormally silent. We were happy to go home, but the fact still remained. We tried so hard, and we got far and wide into predicaments that challenged not our body, but our cognizance as well. Whatever we yielded for all this is now for nothing but extirpation. At the end of it all, it didn’t even matter anymore.

A section of the city I lived in was destroyed. Undamaged sections of the buildings were immediately sealed from the harsh winds outside. Through the clear glass I looked upon the rubble where once stood the place I lived in with Kat, John, Patrick, Melinda, Jane and before that, my wife. I stood silent staring outside to the dusty earth. Then I heard myself let out a weep as I saw Kat’s toy bunny among the rubble. I was alone now.