Young Writers Society - Whisky on a Sunday: Year 1

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This thread was created on September 28, 2007

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•Whisky on a Sunday: Year 2 (updated 30.3.08)

Whisky on a Sunday: Year 1 Goto page Previous 1, 2, 3, 4

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KJ
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Age: 15
Joined: 04 Mar 2008
Posts: 448
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Country: USA
173 Points

Posted: Mon Mar 24, 2008 6:25 pm Post subject:

This was pretty good. The only thing that really bothered me was how you used things like, "you said" in reference to the other person. That got a little confusing, and I felt like it took from the piece. Try using "he" instead of "you". Otherwise, it was a good beginning. I'm looking forward to reading Part 2.
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This thread was created on September 28, 2007	Young Writers Society Forum Index » Other Fiction	All times are GMT Goto page Previous 1, 2, 3, 4
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This thread was created on September 28, 2007

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