Topic ID: 19965
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iQuippie
*makes a dramatic return*
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300 Points
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 Posted: Sat Sep 15, 2007 5:29 pm Post subject: Real |
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On a cloud of disbelief,
I'm slowly passing by.
Floating on without a care,
life's easy to deny.
I'm dreaming of the sweetest things
that I have ever known,
then you throw me reality
and sink me like a stone.
[CHORUS]
The truth is a disaster
that sends me falling faster
into the earth,
I'm tumbling down
right through the atmosphere.
The pressure here is growing-
There's nothing worse than knowing
reality
has lied to me,
and lies I held so dear.
[/CHORUS]
The bittersweet simplicity
of life in black and white
makes no attempts at clarity
as I put up this fight.
I never knew the concepts of
such anger, mass demise.
I never thought about the war.
All I believed was lies.
[CHORUS] |
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Last edited by iQuippie on Wed Sep 19, 2007 3:16 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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Kitty15
The Protector of the Prophecy
Writer of Legend
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590 Points
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| Posted: Sat Sep 15, 2007 5:54 pm Post subject: |
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| I love this! You have such a brilliant tune, the rhymes sound natural and the words are excellent. Seriously, these lyrics are brilliant and I wouldn't change a thing. Good work. |
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sarahcrosbeh
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| Posted: Sun Sep 16, 2007 9:26 am Post subject: |
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Wow
This is great.
It flows really well and your rhyming works really well 
Super Work 
x |
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GingerLizzy
But The Tops Of Carrots Are Green
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| Posted: Sun Sep 16, 2007 10:51 am Post subject: |
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This is lovely and it tended to flow really well. If this was an actual song that was out, I'd definately buy it because I like songs that have meanings to the lyrics.
I liked your imagaray especially in the first and second verses, which were beautifully written. Keep up the good work.
=] |
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darchoco
still breathing... until my face turns blue.
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285 Points
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| Posted: Wed Sep 19, 2007 1:10 am Post subject: |
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simply put... absolutely love it.
It's original, different, emotional, excellently positioned, good for a tune.
only one bone to pick. It needs more. If actually converted into a song, it needs more. Maybe some kind of chorus.
otherwise, AWESOME |
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Suzanne
won NaNoWriMo!
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450 Points
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| Posted: Sat Sep 22, 2007 4:30 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: |
has lied to me,
and lies I held so dear. |
I didn't like the last line of your chorus. You already mentioned lies, I think you should end on something stronger.
From what I know of songs, this was kind of short. It didn't have that many verses. It was good though! I really liked it, and I could see it with a rhythm and some music in it. I think you should add onto it, and give it more of a central image/meaning, so we can better understand what you are talking about when you say reality, and lies. Are you a naive young person, or someone who just has been lied to? |
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Gadi.
O FOR VICTORY!
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300 Points
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| Posted: Sun Sep 23, 2007 4:24 pm Post subject: |
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WOW! I love this.
Something about the last stanza isn't working though...
Anyhow, is this about how Bush lied to us about the war??? Or is it completely off-topic? |
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Someguy
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300 Points
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| Posted: Sun Sep 23, 2007 8:52 pm Post subject: Nice |
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I loved this it was great.
Very nice flow and great timing.
I can image the pace and beat.
Well done. |
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IM BACK!!! for now |
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Kalliope
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324 Points
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| Posted: Tue Sep 25, 2007 10:29 am Post subject: |
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WOW!! I am truly impressed. I'm quite new here, but I've already seen quite an amount of lyrics and this is absolutely the best one!! I mght post one of my own lyrics here in the next few days and I'd be really grateful to know what you think.
Wow, you are gifted!!
Write more!!! |
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Lindsaroo
is New
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300 Points
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| Posted: Sun Oct 14, 2007 1:55 am Post subject: |
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Ok wait.
When did you post this and why didn't you tell me it was so good?!
Qui dear, I really love this. You are so good at this stuff.
I'm speachless because I'm in awe. lol
Good Job. *hugs*
Lots O' Luv,
Lindsay |
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Lee-chan
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| Posted: Sun Oct 14, 2007 7:41 am Post subject: |
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I absolutely love this! I could almost here music in the background as I read, and I could see somebody singing this.
It was a little short, but I really like it the way it is. I started wishing that it was a real song by the end.
Lee-chan |
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lyrical_sunshine
δυναμις
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| Posted: Mon Oct 15, 2007 2:39 am Post subject: |
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the only part i didn't like was the second to last line. "I never thought about the war." just because it makes it sound suddenly political and i don't like songs about politics. but maybe you didn't mean it like that. maybe you just meant the war as in life in general.
other than that, this was a beautiful song and i am amazed at how young you are, because it is so good. awesome awesome job. keep it up. |
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Acoustic Sensitivity
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| Posted: Sat Dec 22, 2007 3:44 pm Post subject: |
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| Wow, nice lyrics. The title clearly fits it. I especially love the chorus. Anyway great job. |
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