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This thread was created on September 10, 2007
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Topic ID: 19816
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JFW1415
Team SPEW
Master of the Forum
Gender: 
Age: 14
Joined: 07 Jun 2007
Posts: 1253
Reviews: 353
Country: USA
450 Points
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 Posted: Fri Jun 06, 2008 2:19 am Post subject: |
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Before I Read
For some reason, ‘The Straight Edge of A Razor’ flows better in my mind. That’s what I immediately read when I saw this, and what drew me in. It’s all personal preference, though. Actually, maybe ‘The Edge of A Razor,’ as you have that in your story.
Anyways, on to the review. I’ll try not to be picky about formatting, since I know it is how you wanted it, and not mistakes.
After I Read
Duuuuuuude. Freakin’ amazing. Can I give you fifty gold stars, instead of just one?
Really. Amazing dialogue. Amazing emotions. Amazing everything. LOVED it.
Your style is awesome. I swear, you’re going to be published.
Um…I think there was just one complaint. While I could tell who’s POV it was based on their actions and dialogue, I couldn’t name them. Use names a bit more, especially at the beginning, to clear this up.
Oh, yeah! Tenses. Mainly at the beginning, you kept switching, even within paragraphs. Watch that.
And quotation marks. You need 'em. Desperately.
But the weird style was pure genius. 
Overall? Too amazing for words. Twenty-something pages, and I was glued to the screen the whole time. (Duuude – now I keep having to edit this, ‘cause I’m talking like your characters! Do you know how hard that is to do? And to make me say ‘duuuude?’)
PM me for anything at all, including more critiques.
~JFW1415 |
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Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth. -Oscar Wilde
Join the CIA.
In response to hearing my new story idea: "Aunt April": Oookaaay. You are one sick little puppy aren't you? |
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niccy_v
Writer
Gender:
Age: 16
Joined: 20 Jun 2008
Posts: 73
Reviews: 36
Country: Australia
300 Points
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| Posted: Tue Jul 01, 2008 12:04 pm Post subject: |
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I am reading it now, but i wish people didn't post the story back it kills my computer ahh!
But i am reviewing it. Give me 4 or 5 days to get back to you =) many assignments but i have 2 weeks of hols to knock it over. |
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Nichola. xoxo |
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| This thread was created on September 10, 2007 |
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