Topic ID: 19767
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sokool15
In the begining there was nothing and it exploded.
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 Posted: Sun Sep 09, 2007 8:34 pm Post subject: Mercenary Wings 19 |
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Last edited by sokool15 on Fri Aug 22, 2008 6:50 am; edited 1 time in total |
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greenjay
the bane of the blue jay
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| Posted: Mon Sep 10, 2007 1:05 am Post subject: |
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Cool! I like this section. Didn't find anything to comment on. Good job!
-GJ |
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kitty15
Your friendly neighbourhood kitten
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| Posted: Wed Sep 12, 2007 7:52 pm Post subject: |
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Oooh. This is a great start to the chapter! Have I told you how brilliant you are at creating and developing loveable characters? I can't wait for the romances to develop further and you have some good descriptions and as always a smooth, entertaining plot. Good job! A few typos and such -
And although it's inconvenient for your social lives, perhaps, it is more convenient and certainly much safer."
Kiera stared at it in amazement. It held a long bow, with a pouch for strings and wax, as well as an a built-in quiver filled with white-feathered arrows.
One of the advantages to having four arms is that I can use knives and a bow at the same time, or knives and a battle axe, or a sword and battle axe and the knives, or any other combination of weaponry you'd like."
His lower set of arms buckled the belt firmly around his narrow waste waist, and he had to cinch it up several knots.
Brad bend bent down and picked up the heavy weapon belt that lay in the foliage in front of him.
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Overall, great job and I shall read the second part. |
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Aisho
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| Posted: Thu Sep 13, 2007 1:35 am Post subject: |
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I want you to go back and reread it slooowly and caaaarefully. Inch by agonizing inch. lol You had a lot of grammar mistakes, not that I cared. The net thing was sooo confusing. Is she sitting on him like a horse or is she sitting on the net or is she held by the net while she--SO CONFUSED. D:
I'm going to say this now b/c I really can't write anymore crit.
OMFG I LOVE THIS CHAPTER. I can barely remember what happened in the last half but everything about the Kiera/Brad thing is just ... just... AWESOME. *dies* I'm going to stop now because I really really really want to go read part two. ^^ |
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